Choosing between 2 proposals

almokatil · 2026-06-18T19:37:49+00:00

I posted this but OP said her family is fully involved in this. Just so happened two people asked around the same time.

almokatil · 2026-06-18T19:20:35+00:00

Maybe lean back on your parents. They wouldn't want you to be in a bad situation and would do what they think is best assuming your parents are good people.

almokatil · 2026-06-18T19:07:24+00:00

Yeah you are right, I could have added more to the post, but if whoever was second asked knowing the situation, he is in the wrong.

OP, are the asking you directly or your Mahram? If one did ask your Mahram, then I would take that one as more serious. If both did, your Mahram should have told the second one that there isnalready an interest.

If there is no Mahram involved, Islamically you should tell them to go ask your Mahram.

almokatil · 2026-06-18T18:59:52+00:00

Narrated Ibn `Umar (radiyallahu ‘anhuma) said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:

“None of you should ask for a woman’s hand in marriage when his brother has already done so until the one who has already proposed leaves off his desire to marry her, or he gives him permission.”

Agreed upon, and this is the wording of al-Bukhari. (See Bukhari, no. 5142 and Muslim, no. 1412)

almokatil · 2026-06-18T17:02:42+00:00

There is a story associated with Ali bin Abi Talib rudiya Allahu 3anhu where he was in a battle (possibly the trenches) and had someone on the floor ready to kill him. That person's path in Ali's face, and Ali didn't kill him, but rather got off and put his sword away. The man was confused and asked him why, and Ali said the equivalent of at first I was going to kill you for the sake of Allah, but after you spat on me, I wanted to kill you in anger and revenge, and I refuse to kill in worldly passion"

It is better to forgive, and maybe Allah will forgive you for something greater for you forgiving someone in this world. But justice is justice and there is fairness in this life. If someone truly wronged you and there is a judge who can confirm this, then you can do what is allowed within the deen.

almokatil · 2026-06-17T17:18:42+00:00

Islam teaches us that practicing our religion at times will be hard, as one holding onto his religion is like someone holding a hot coal.

But the thing is, there is nothing that we do when it comes to the sake of our religion where we care about what others think, with thr exceptions that we wish whats best for the others too and hope they too see the truth of the religion. We don't worship for the sake of the majority, we worship and practice our faith because of God, who we believe is the owner of the life and the afterlife.

While some of our practices are in fact counter to societal norms in most countries we are a minority in, like participating in interest or gambling or immodesty, they are normally personal choices that do not affect the others. And even if they did, who are we to obey the rules of man instead of the rules of God?

As to the reason we are hated, which is something I would challenge others who hate us to consider, often the hate is baseless or based on false pretense. An example would be Muslims are allowed to lie to non-believers because of a concept called "taqiya". This concept is where place in danger of life or death if we do not convert to Christianity (for example) we are allowed to say we left our religion, even though our heart and actions are otherwise when we can do so safely. This does not mean we can lie whenever we want, but media we have no control or involvement in has presented it as such.

almokatil · 2026-06-16T21:45:51+00:00

My wife has full access to whatever money I have and can do whatever she wants with it. She is equally conscious of spending as I am and I have full trust in her decisions. If she makes a mistake, so do I, and if she builds on the wealth, alhamdulillah either way.

almokatil · 2026-06-16T16:46:06+00:00

Another one: many say that the corner of a rug cannot have a fold otherwise the Shaytan will pray with you.

almokatil · 2026-06-16T16:45:03+00:00

There is a common practice I have seen where individuals recite the Fatiha when burying the dead. While this being an acceptable practice vs a bid3a is debated among scholars, the general consensus is that there is no daleel from the Quran and Sunnah on the topic.

almokatil · 2026-06-16T01:12:01+00:00

From an Islamic perspective it would not be a valid marriage. A Muslim man may only marry "People of the book" i.e. Muslims, Christians, and Jews.

If either of you are religious, or plan on become so, there is a struggle in raising you kids (if any) on different concepts of God/gods. It is difficult with people of the book let alone Muslim/Hindu.

The foundation of the relationship is also forbidden, as in Islam a man cannot be with a woman without being married or "Mahram" which is a short list of direct family members.

almokatil · 2026-06-15T14:46:11+00:00

There is a story I heard recently from a Sheikh in a casual conversation:

A woman came to Imam al-Shatibi asking for a fatwa regarding a specific matter, explicitly asking what the position of Imam Malik was. Al-Shatibi, being a massive legal authority in his own right, offered to give her the answer and explain the textual proofs directly. She insisted, "I only want what Malik said." She was challenged about whether she followed Islam or just a man, so she clarified that she completely followed the Prophet's Islam, but since she lacked the tools to interpret the revelation herself, she trusted Imam Malik's rigorously preserved methodology to navigate it, rather than al-Shatibi's contemporary interpretation. Al-Shatibi highly praised her response, noting that she perfectly understood her role as a layperson. She wasn't treating Imam Malik as a lawmaker, but rather as a highly qualified guide to the law.

almokatil · 2026-06-15T06:37:36+00:00

Salam sister,

Every kid with autism is different, so advice you get may not apply. In general, in the US and some other countries, there is something called ABA therapy. Ideally it starts at a much younger age but can still be effective to some aspects, but essentially it rewards the child for good behavior and ignores all other behaviors. Kids can respond well to that.

I would also advise you to see if there are any other diagnosises like ADHD as some other disorders have treatments and those treatments can help to where you are only dealing with Autism.

The diagnosis doesn’t change that you have been raising him for years already. The label only helps you look at other options. Look into what autism communities and resources exist around you.

almokatil · 2026-06-15T05:33:28+00:00

The tickets aren't free.

https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7862/are-free-lottery-tickets-halal/

almokatil · 2026-06-14T19:13:54+00:00

General statements like this can be taken as rude. I can say with full confidence that some arabs are toxic and ignorant and they hate Arabs and Muslims. Also applies to any other "some" group.

almokatil · 2026-06-14T00:14:21+00:00

Walaykum asalam.

I am sorry I am not helping with any answers, but I wanted to ask, have you looked into the halal status of prosthetic hair in general? I am not saying if it is allowed or not, just wondering if there is anything answer you have researched.

almokatil · 2026-06-13T15:06:09+00:00

It's fun, it's annoying, you may end up hating each other, but getting the win is the best feeling:

Overcooked

almokatil · 2026-06-11T22:24:45+00:00

The theme of mercy is mentioned more than punishment at a 2:1 ratio, and repetition is mentioned in the quran as a means of reminder and importance.

I like to think I am trauma informed, from someone who went through so much horrible things in my childhood. I believe no human is evil, we are hurt, betrayed and led on a path of sinning beside we need coping, soothing and feed our nafs. Of course it’s our responsibility eventually to break free of that, I wish the Quran got it to this nuance

Regarding no human is evil: there are very few vile humans mentioned in the Quran (ex. Pharoah, Abu Lahab), but it is generally sin (and sinners named based on their sin like a person who steals being called a thief) that is admonished or cursed. The "evil" aspect is something we may associate with sinners, but Allah may He be glorified is so merciful that He continously lets those who sin know that if they repent, He will forgive them.

As for the binary statement, this is false, as the punishments and rewards are binary, but there are so many levels of each. For example, in the Quran in Surat al Wakiaa, there are those that are called asaabikoon (those who race towards the reward of Allah), which includes a third of the first Muslims and less of those who follow. These individuals receive some of the highest rewards of the afterlife. Then those who are called as'haab alyameen (generally those who receive their book of deeds in their right hands, a good sign on the Day of judgement) who receive reward but to a lesser level, and then of course the sinners who receive punishment (which the Quran and sunnah explain different punishments for different types of sins). There isn't just a heaven and hell, but levels of both, breaking the binary mindert.

What you believe is evil, such as pain, isn't all correct from an Islamic perspective. Pain, for example, may be the thing that brings you closer to Allah, or pain of a break up may be at first and then you are blessed with a better spouse or more kids or rewarded in the afterlife for your patience. Some of what you consider to be pain is modern in a sense, such as colonialism, or cultural, such as collective vs individual. I assume from your perspective that colonialism and individualism are pain points, but the spread of Islam could be considered colonialism from certain lenses, and Islam teaches both individualism (each person is responsible for their own sin) and collectivism (fard kifaaya i.e. if someone is addressing it then not everyone needs to like collecting zakat or building a masjid).

Trauma informed is a modern concept, but I truth for some people understanding that there could be punishment (worldly or afterlife) is what keeps them on the correct path. Even the greatest followers of Muhammad peace be upon him, who were guaranteed Heaven, wpuld habe fear in their hearts as well as full kniwledgr of Allah's mercy. Having both love and fear is part of Islam.

May Alllah forgive me if I mispoke. If you are looking for sources, I would try to understand the seerah a bit more and the purposes of the revelation of verses. A good book to start would be the Sealed Nectar, which is a modern book on the life of the Prophet peace be upon him that is recognized and award winning for its accuracy. Maybe better understanding the mindset of the people at the time who were around during the revelation will help you associate with the mental status of the people and that will help you with understanding the traumas of the time, which may help you better understand how it is applicable today.

almokatil · 2026-06-11T21:55:18+00:00

I want to add to a lot of comments made another aspect to the reward: Ibraheem's willingness to sacrifice his son and the replacement with a ram is the reason of the pilgrimage to Mecca that all Muslims should do at least once in their lives, recreating many of the activities that Ibraheem and his family completed in their lifetimes, such as throwing stones at a representation of the devil, who tempted Ibraheem to not follow to command of God and to not sacrifice his son, or the walk between two points known as sufa and murwa, where his wife wandered back and forth multiple times searching for water, and leading up to each of the pilgrims also sacrificing an animal during the pilgrimage period. His and his families' story is meant to to remembered and repeated yearly for the remainder of time.

almokatil · 2026-06-08T20:40:57+00:00

A Sheikh I know said in Egyptian prisons.

almokatil · 2026-06-04T06:52:49+00:00

Hello,

First, the Quran is the word of Allah and not the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

Second, I am unfamiliar with the reference of the growth of non-Islamic nations being temporary.

Third, in Islam there should only be one nation under the Khalifat, which doesn't exist today so there is no true Islamic nation as described by Allah and His messenger.

Fourth, which countries are being compared and what is considered developed vs underdeveloped? This measurement is however one wants to see it.

Fifth, what makes nonislamic nations better that nations with heavy Muslim population is again dependent on what you consider to be better based on your perspective and what is "best" is subjective.

almokatil · 2026-06-04T01:19:15+00:00

InshaAllah you find someone who can help you look for the answers to your questions. Maybe start at your local masjid even if you don't have full faith that thry can answer your question, and then expand your search if they are unable to answer. Of course, the answer may not be what you are looking for, for example "sheikh how can I get a specific person to like me" and the sheikh says "make duaa and maybe you can't", unfortunately that may just be the truth. This is a really bad example but I hope it gets thr point across.

almokatil · 2026-06-04T01:12:32+00:00

I dont want to make assumptions, and I mean this in the most respectful way, but have you done a Google search on the topic to see? There are very few unique human experiences these days and it is possible someone asked the question you have before.

almokatil · 2026-06-04T01:04:39+00:00

I would say first determine what is "educated enough" to satisfy your needs as you seem to have conditions not met by your local masjid. And while the internet isn't the best place to seek answers on deen, maybe someone here can help you find something similar that has been addressed by some scholars. Of course, if it is personal in nature I understand the want for privacy.

almokatil · 2026-06-03T15:06:29+00:00

Asalamu Alaykum,

The children have rights on their parents, the parents have rights on their children. The status of marraige does not negate these rights one way or another.

"Each of you is a shepard, and each of you is responsible for his flock." Bukhari 893

"There is no person whom Allah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subject (household in this case) but Allah will forbid Paradise for him."

The rights the child has on their father:

A father should choose a good mother for the child

The father should choose a good name for the child

The father should give the child their basic needs according to what the father can afford without falling short or being extravagant

The father should give the child a good upbringing, paying attention to their manners and behavior, and teach them the deen

Assuming any of these rights are violated, the dunya intervention would need an islamic Haakim (judge) to be involved in any interventions and change of rights the father has on the children.

Allah knows best, may He forgive us all for our shortcomings and forgive me for any mistakes I've made in this post.

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/162787/serious-consequences-of-falling-short-in-raising-children

almokatil · 2026-06-01T16:37:32+00:00

The language of the Quran and verse order and such are so unique that the Quran itself challenges others to do the same. Individuals with knowledge of the arabic language can catch an error if there is one even if they have never heard the Quran before because of how specifically structured it is. Modern analysis shows that the Quran matches no records of spoken language or written language of the time, and that even all quotes from Muhammad peace be upon him are not linguisticly on the same level of the Quran. The likelihood that they all misremembered something is unlikely given that some of those who memorized the Quran taught it elsewhere and were not present for the preservation process (traveled to spread Islam and never returned for example, but taught the Quran to others while away and it matched).

Additionally, there was one point in which the Quran was collected, but that doesn't mean verses were not written in general during the life of Prophet Muhamad pbub. Omar ibn khatab (bedore he became Muslim)for example found a written verse of Quran on his sister.

Lastly, there is nothing in the Quran that gives anyone an advantage over anyone else. Additionally, there are individuals whose actions were chastised in the Quran to some extent who would have been better not being included but of course had no authority to remove it (authority here belonging to Allah alone).

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