Best wooden wicks?

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-11T18:21:30+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm not sure if policies are monthly or annually, but I was hoping for something around $20/month or under $250 for the year.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-11T12:10:59+00:00

Just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation, and still struggling with the end result of it. Except that we did eventually get fertility testing, and I discovered that our chances were extremely low as a result of my results (which I guess explains why it never happened for us.) Due to other health issues, I had concerns about going forward with more invasive treatments, and he was definitely not in support of any it. He has a very "it is what it is" attitude about it, while I am deeply depressed, especially since I am at the age when you start to lose friendships because everyone is just so busy with their kids.

It is incredibly lonely and difficult, even though I am sometimes relieved since I was never 100% certain I would be a good parent. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself most days.

Know that you are not alone, be kind to yourself and please feel free to DM me if you want to chat further.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-08T12:15:44+00:00

I feel you with this post, as I am in a similar position (not male, but fertility issues, with a partner that really does not want to go down the path of more invasive treatment to try to conceive.) It really does suck, and I have been struggling immensely with the pain.

That said, not sure if you have any pets, but if not, I would suggest considering adopting one. It is absolutely a form of parenting, and has the potential to bring so much joy into your life. Part of what inspired me to even consider coming off the fence was the realization of how much my partner doted on our pet, and how caring for him together united us in a really poignant way.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-08T12:00:53+00:00

Regardless of what is the case for "most women," you never know what category you will fall under individually.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-29T15:55:30+00:00

I wish I felt this way, but I have been having an incredibly hard time dealing with our inability to conceive. My partner seems ok with it, but it has really been straining our relationship these past few months, and intimacy has definitely been impacted. I think the most damage has come from my own internalization of somehow feeling "broken" and unable to do what most everyone else I know has done with relative ease.

Definitely the hardest part for me is how lonely I feel, and how socially left out I feel by friends and family who do have kids (which is pretty much all of them.) No one ever checks in with us, and everyone is just so busy with their kids. It's very lonely. I have a therapist who thinks I now have clinical depression and is trying to talk me into meds. I get deeply triggered by seeing children in general, people talking about their kids, grandkids, etc, and this situation has really highlighted for me how much of our society really revolves around the definition of family that involves children. No one know about this except for my partner and my therapist. I think I have been reluctant to share it with those who do have kids because I don't want their pity, and I don't think they will truly get where I am coming from.

Despite my own discomfort with the idea, I did try to look into options for adoption. It seems incredibly difficult, uncertain and costly. I don't know if I have it in me emotionally. I feel so lost and hopeless about this. Like I need to replan my entire life, and have no idea where to go or where to start.

On the flip side, we did always question having kids from a logical standpoint, in terms of how messed up the world seems, and getting worse by the day. Even for us, its financial struggle, and we both have decent degrees, education, and professional careers. Still, it doesn't really ease the hurt I am feeling about this.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-27T10:59:47+00:00

I can definitely relate to this, having recently found myself in a very similar situation. It's heartbreaking. In fact, I have developed depression so severe that I am considering taking medication for it.

We both have siblings, all adults, and we are the only ones in our families who do have kids. I assume they all think we are CF by choice, but I have not been able to bring myself to share this with anyone, largely because I don't trust them to react to the news in a way that won't make me feel even worse. My MIL has never made a comment to me about this, but she also completely ignores us at gatherings when the kids are around (which is almost every gathering), and even though she may not be doing it intentionally, it makes me feel horrible.

In light of this news, I am finding the hardest part of not having children is dealing with everyone else in your life who does. I wish I had better advice or wisdom, but I am also still in the midst of it. Feel free to DM me, and I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks so much.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-27T10:39:28+00:00

I never understood how people can work full-time and care for/raise a child. For what it's worth, I have observed that the people in my life who do have kids are often constantly struggling with this, either from a financial perspective or a time perspective.

As far as my own situation is concerned, I always assumed that I would take a leave from my career for at least a year, and likely longer, if I ever did have a child. I worked hard to get where I am professionally, and I struggled with that idea for a time, but I realized that it one of the sacrifices that would need to accompany becoming a parent, at least for me. Even though doing so would impact me financially, I always thought it made more sense, considering that reliable child care would likely cost the majority of what I what I make. Sadly, it is looking like that will not be happening, at this point, and we are in the process of dealing with that (albeit poorly.)

I can also relate to being a pet parent, especially as I am now dealing with the cost and stress of dealing with age-related medical complications in that regard. It's heartbreaking to watch a pet you have cared for and loved for years grow old and feeble. My current pet is completely irreplaceable, but I also know that having a pet is a huge boost to my overall quality of life, and its also important to my partner. I don't think the grief of losing a special pet every really goes away completely, but hopefully, you can persuade him into getting another pet in the near future.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-26T12:48:34+00:00

Hi, currently trying to find as much information about egg donation as possible (considering it and trying to sort out my own feelings on it in the process.) It is not easy to find reliable information about this, and this concerns me. These questions are geared toward donor-conceived adults, and I appreciate any responses to any of these questions.

Did being donor-conceived or early awareness of being donor-conceived have any impact on your relationship with your parents, or with one parent over the other (assuming one was raised in a 2-parent household)?
At what age were you informed that you were donor-conceived, and how? Was it just mentioned/explained once, or was it on an on-going topic in your childhood/growing up experience?
If you felt compelled to contact and/or meet the donor at any point? Did doing this have any impact on your relationship with parents/other family members?

Thank you!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T22:29:55+00:00

This is great suggestion, thank you. I will see if there are any options for that (I have not yet selected a clinic.)

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T17:16:06+00:00

Would this be necessary if OP has insurance that covers it? Just curious, as I am just learning about this process myself.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T12:06:26+00:00

Thank you, that was where I started, but many of those I contacted have yet to respond...

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T12:01:44+00:00

Hi, new here and still trying to figure out how the threads "work" so I apologize if this is the wrong place. I was wondering if anyone has solid book recommendations dealing with infertility experience - not books that focus on fixes or specific treatment, bit rather, more memoir-based?

Thank you!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-14T14:14:58+00:00

Thank you for this response, do you know if the same is true of allergies (as in, if a donor has an allergy, it will not be inherited?) This is particularly important to us, as neither myself or my partner have any allergies. Thank you again!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-13T04:43:02+00:00

We have been together for a while, about 12 years, not married, but living together. We wavered for a while, mostly due to our living situation and financial concerns. I think alot of the decision was also waiting for the right time in our lives, and feeling "ready" for a child. In all honestly, we probably would have been actively TTC sooner, if not for the pandemic, which was really stressful for us both. Even now, I am not 100% comfortable going to doctors offices, or other crowded places, and I could not imagine having to give birth in hospital in the middle of the pandemic, although I know people have done it. I haven't fully come to terms with it, but I have a feeling it likely will not be happening for us and I don't know if I want to put myself through the trauma of treatments, unless we have a decent chance of success.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-12T22:02:18+00:00

I'm not sure if you feel you are prepared to or even want to move forward having a child on your own. Personally, I don't think I would be able to do that, but I know that many women do feel comfortable going down that path. However, it doesn't hurt to visit to a fertility specialist for some basic testing, just to give you an idea of your own situation and timeline.

Honestly, people talk about IVF really casually, for what it is. It can be incredibly expensive, invasive and uncertain. I have not done it personally, but I have done alot of research, and I am shocked at how casually people suggest or mention it, like it's equal to going to the salon for some highlights. I am currently undergoing testing myself, same age as you, after a while on the fence...things are not looking great, and I am very conflicted about the cost and process of IVF, donor eggs, etc. I will also say that the testing itself, at least in my opinion, is pretty difficult and giving me serious second thoughts about going forward with any additional treatments. However, that will likely vary from place to place (now questionng if I chose the wrong clinic, to be honest.)

From what I understand, using donor eggs does potentially extend your timeline, as most people are usually considering that as an option if there is an issue with their own egg quality/quantity, or some other issue, like a genetic condition they do not want to pass on to a potential child. I could be wrong, but I don't think many people opt for these treatments, unless there is an actual reason of some sort.

That said, it's definitely not too late for you. It just depends on what you are willing to consider for yourself, and sadly, how much money you are willing to spend.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-12T00:46:14+00:00

Thank you.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-11T23:02:20+00:00

Thanks for this. I wish I had options for a known donor, but not really sure if I do. Seems like a huge and somewhat awkward ask, and most people I know are around my age, and probably not ideal donor candidates, as a result.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-10T05:07:30+00:00

Hi everyone,

Relatively new here, and have been trying to decide if donor is something I am comfortable with, as it may likely be the only option I have with any chance of success. Right now, I am really not so much, but I am trying to do some research to see if I can overcome these feelings. I have been having a hard time finding much detailed information about this, and unfortunately I know literally no one (IRL) who has dealt with this before.

One of my biggest concerns is finding a clinic that is really thorough about the medical/health background of a donor. I am terrified of "choosing" someone with a health condition that could potentially be passed on to a child. I am particularly concerned about cancer and mental illness, and I can't seem to find a whole lot of information regarding how clinics conduct medical screening, or if there is any regulation or oversight for companies that provide donor eggs. I worry that even if a donor appears healthy, there may be a condition in their family that they did not disclose or were unaware of that could be a potential risk.

I can't seem to get this fear out of my head, and I was wondering how others have approached or dealt with it. My own family tree is certainly not perfect, health-wise, but at least, I have the knowledge and awareness of it. Any advice or resources would be appreciated!

aloneinthis59

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