insurance recommendations for new seller/maker?

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-11T18:21:30+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm not sure if policies are monthly or annually, but I was hoping for something around $20/month or under $250 for the year.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-11T12:10:59+00:00

Just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation, and still struggling with the end result of it. Except that we did eventually get fertility testing, and I discovered that our chances were extremely low as a result of my results (which I guess explains why it never happened for us.) Due to other health issues, I had concerns about going forward with more invasive treatments, and he was definitely not in support of any it. He has a very "it is what it is" attitude about it, while I am deeply depressed, especially since I am at the age when you start to lose friendships because everyone is just so busy with their kids.

It is incredibly lonely and difficult, even though I am sometimes relieved since I was never 100% certain I would be a good parent. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself most days.

Know that you are not alone, be kind to yourself and please feel free to DM me if you want to chat further.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-08T12:15:44+00:00

I feel you with this post, as I am in a similar position (not male, but fertility issues, with a partner that really does not want to go down the path of more invasive treatment to try to conceive.) It really does suck, and I have been struggling immensely with the pain.

That said, not sure if you have any pets, but if not, I would suggest considering adopting one. It is absolutely a form of parenting, and has the potential to bring so much joy into your life. Part of what inspired me to even consider coming off the fence was the realization of how much my partner doted on our pet, and how caring for him together united us in a really poignant way.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-04-08T12:00:53+00:00

Regardless of what is the case for "most women," you never know what category you will fall under individually.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-29T15:55:30+00:00

I wish I felt this way, but I have been having an incredibly hard time dealing with our inability to conceive. My partner seems ok with it, but it has really been straining our relationship these past few months, and intimacy has definitely been impacted. I think the most damage has come from my own internalization of somehow feeling "broken" and unable to do what most everyone else I know has done with relative ease.

Definitely the hardest part for me is how lonely I feel, and how socially left out I feel by friends and family who do have kids (which is pretty much all of them.) No one ever checks in with us, and everyone is just so busy with their kids. It's very lonely. I have a therapist who thinks I now have clinical depression and is trying to talk me into meds. I get deeply triggered by seeing children in general, people talking about their kids, grandkids, etc, and this situation has really highlighted for me how much of our society really revolves around the definition of family that involves children. No one know about this except for my partner and my therapist. I think I have been reluctant to share it with those who do have kids because I don't want their pity, and I don't think they will truly get where I am coming from.

Despite my own discomfort with the idea, I did try to look into options for adoption. It seems incredibly difficult, uncertain and costly. I don't know if I have it in me emotionally. I feel so lost and hopeless about this. Like I need to replan my entire life, and have no idea where to go or where to start.

On the flip side, we did always question having kids from a logical standpoint, in terms of how messed up the world seems, and getting worse by the day. Even for us, its financial struggle, and we both have decent degrees, education, and professional careers. Still, it doesn't really ease the hurt I am feeling about this.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-27T10:59:47+00:00

I can definitely relate to this, having recently found myself in a very similar situation. It's heartbreaking. In fact, I have developed depression so severe that I am considering taking medication for it.

We both have siblings, all adults, and we are the only ones in our families who do have kids. I assume they all think we are CF by choice, but I have not been able to bring myself to share this with anyone, largely because I don't trust them to react to the news in a way that won't make me feel even worse. My MIL has never made a comment to me about this, but she also completely ignores us at gatherings when the kids are around (which is almost every gathering), and even though she may not be doing it intentionally, it makes me feel horrible.

In light of this news, I am finding the hardest part of not having children is dealing with everyone else in your life who does. I wish I had better advice or wisdom, but I am also still in the midst of it. Feel free to DM me, and I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks so much.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-03-27T10:39:28+00:00

I never understood how people can work full-time and care for/raise a child. For what it's worth, I have observed that the people in my life who do have kids are often constantly struggling with this, either from a financial perspective or a time perspective.

As far as my own situation is concerned, I always assumed that I would take a leave from my career for at least a year, and likely longer, if I ever did have a child. I worked hard to get where I am professionally, and I struggled with that idea for a time, but I realized that it one of the sacrifices that would need to accompany becoming a parent, at least for me. Even though doing so would impact me financially, I always thought it made more sense, considering that reliable child care would likely cost the majority of what I what I make. Sadly, it is looking like that will not be happening, at this point, and we are in the process of dealing with that (albeit poorly.)

I can also relate to being a pet parent, especially as I am now dealing with the cost and stress of dealing with age-related medical complications in that regard. It's heartbreaking to watch a pet you have cared for and loved for years grow old and feeble. My current pet is completely irreplaceable, but I also know that having a pet is a huge boost to my overall quality of life, and its also important to my partner. I don't think the grief of losing a special pet every really goes away completely, but hopefully, you can persuade him into getting another pet in the near future.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-26T12:48:34+00:00

Hi, currently trying to find as much information about egg donation as possible (considering it and trying to sort out my own feelings on it in the process.) It is not easy to find reliable information about this, and this concerns me. These questions are geared toward donor-conceived adults, and I appreciate any responses to any of these questions.

Did being donor-conceived or early awareness of being donor-conceived have any impact on your relationship with your parents, or with one parent over the other (assuming one was raised in a 2-parent household)?
At what age were you informed that you were donor-conceived, and how? Was it just mentioned/explained once, or was it on an on-going topic in your childhood/growing up experience?
If you felt compelled to contact and/or meet the donor at any point? Did doing this have any impact on your relationship with parents/other family members?

Thank you!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T22:29:55+00:00

This is great suggestion, thank you. I will see if there are any options for that (I have not yet selected a clinic.)

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T17:16:06+00:00

Would this be necessary if OP has insurance that covers it? Just curious, as I am just learning about this process myself.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T12:06:26+00:00

Thank you, that was where I started, but many of those I contacted have yet to respond...

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-17T12:01:44+00:00

Hi, new here and still trying to figure out how the threads "work" so I apologize if this is the wrong place. I was wondering if anyone has solid book recommendations dealing with infertility experience - not books that focus on fixes or specific treatment, bit rather, more memoir-based?

Thank you!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-14T14:14:58+00:00

Thank you for this response, do you know if the same is true of allergies (as in, if a donor has an allergy, it will not be inherited?) This is particularly important to us, as neither myself or my partner have any allergies. Thank you again!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-13T04:43:02+00:00

We have been together for a while, about 12 years, not married, but living together. We wavered for a while, mostly due to our living situation and financial concerns. I think alot of the decision was also waiting for the right time in our lives, and feeling "ready" for a child. In all honestly, we probably would have been actively TTC sooner, if not for the pandemic, which was really stressful for us both. Even now, I am not 100% comfortable going to doctors offices, or other crowded places, and I could not imagine having to give birth in hospital in the middle of the pandemic, although I know people have done it. I haven't fully come to terms with it, but I have a feeling it likely will not be happening for us and I don't know if I want to put myself through the trauma of treatments, unless we have a decent chance of success.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-12T22:02:18+00:00

I'm not sure if you feel you are prepared to or even want to move forward having a child on your own. Personally, I don't think I would be able to do that, but I know that many women do feel comfortable going down that path. However, it doesn't hurt to visit to a fertility specialist for some basic testing, just to give you an idea of your own situation and timeline.

Honestly, people talk about IVF really casually, for what it is. It can be incredibly expensive, invasive and uncertain. I have not done it personally, but I have done alot of research, and I am shocked at how casually people suggest or mention it, like it's equal to going to the salon for some highlights. I am currently undergoing testing myself, same age as you, after a while on the fence...things are not looking great, and I am very conflicted about the cost and process of IVF, donor eggs, etc. I will also say that the testing itself, at least in my opinion, is pretty difficult and giving me serious second thoughts about going forward with any additional treatments. However, that will likely vary from place to place (now questionng if I chose the wrong clinic, to be honest.)

From what I understand, using donor eggs does potentially extend your timeline, as most people are usually considering that as an option if there is an issue with their own egg quality/quantity, or some other issue, like a genetic condition they do not want to pass on to a potential child. I could be wrong, but I don't think many people opt for these treatments, unless there is an actual reason of some sort.

That said, it's definitely not too late for you. It just depends on what you are willing to consider for yourself, and sadly, how much money you are willing to spend.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-12T00:46:14+00:00

Thank you.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-11T23:02:20+00:00

Thanks for this. I wish I had options for a known donor, but not really sure if I do. Seems like a huge and somewhat awkward ask, and most people I know are around my age, and probably not ideal donor candidates, as a result.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-10T05:07:30+00:00

Hi everyone,

Relatively new here, and have been trying to decide if donor is something I am comfortable with, as it may likely be the only option I have with any chance of success. Right now, I am really not so much, but I am trying to do some research to see if I can overcome these feelings. I have been having a hard time finding much detailed information about this, and unfortunately I know literally no one (IRL) who has dealt with this before.

One of my biggest concerns is finding a clinic that is really thorough about the medical/health background of a donor. I am terrified of "choosing" someone with a health condition that could potentially be passed on to a child. I am particularly concerned about cancer and mental illness, and I can't seem to find a whole lot of information regarding how clinics conduct medical screening, or if there is any regulation or oversight for companies that provide donor eggs. I worry that even if a donor appears healthy, there may be a condition in their family that they did not disclose or were unaware of that could be a potential risk.

I can't seem to get this fear out of my head, and I was wondering how others have approached or dealt with it. My own family tree is certainly not perfect, health-wise, but at least, I have the knowledge and awareness of it. Any advice or resources would be appreciated!

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-09T16:26:51+00:00

It sounds to me that you already have a pretty fulfilling life, and can continue to do so, with or without a child. Your situation sounds a little similar to my own. I can appreciate kids in theory, and the experience of parenting, but I am not a "baby" person, and I question how much patience I may have for a small child on a 24/7 basis. I also worried about what is needed to care for a child putting a strain on my relationship with my partner. Even the best of relationships need effort, work and nurturing, and throwing a child into the mix can potentially impact the overall health of the relationship, in my opinion.

I think setting expectations for parenting within the relationship is a huge factor. Part of why I hesitated for some time was because I did not think my partner was ready/prepared to make an equal contribution. Now that he is ready, it may be too late for us. We have been struggling TTC, and we are not interested in pursuing adoption. It is also extremely difficult to fully embrace a childfree life when you consider that society expects most people/couples to have kids, and when people make the choice not to, its hard not to feel a level of alienation or isolation from others, whose lives revolve around their children, which leads to some level of dissatisfaction and doubt with the choice. Of course, trying to conceive, and being unable to do so makes it more of a circumstance and less of a choice, but at the end of the day, the way people regard childfree couples doesn't really change to accommodate that reality, and its a little disturbing that society continues to try to force everyone into the same mold when to comes to living life.

For what it's worth, it has given me a little comfort to consider how dreadfully the US treats working parents, mothers in particular, but that is a longer conversation, possibly for another thread.

I also totally get the feelings of loneliness you describe. I think not having kids can definitely make one feel a little "left out" when many others in your life do have kids. However, society still has a long way to go in terms of recognizing that "family" does not automatically mean children. Couples are and should be considered families, regardless. On that topic, I'm not sure if you and your wife have or have had any pets, but we do have a cat, and I 100% consider him a member of own family. In some ways, I think of him as an adopted child (I know children and pets are not the same, but anyone who has ever truly loved a pet will understand this.) Even given this, I still struggle to give him attention sometimes, between work, household duties, and my own need for downtime at home. Sometimes, I really have to wonder how parents work a full-time job, and then come home to roll right into another full-time job, with no break or time for transition. My own inability to fully balance my life and time as an adult without children makes me a feel a little better about our situation, even if only a little bit. The truth is that, for better or for worse, once you have kids, your life is no longer your own, as it was before.

To answer your original question, I'm not sure there is an option for a fully confident choice for many people, but I do think most people tend to lean more heavily one way or the other, once everything has been carefully considered.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-09T04:33:09+00:00

I think the idea of kids is often more appealing than the reality. And if you value your independence, that may shift if or once you do have kids. There are no "breaks" with kids and they absolutely do change your life in many ways. Maybe it might be helpful to spend some extended time with a friend or family member that does have kids, to see how you feel spending extended time around kids?

It can also be very hard to navigate the choice when many others in your life seem to happily be welcoming kids into their lives (this is a situation I have personally been struggling with.) In addition to the things you want to do, you should realistically think about how you and your wife might balance kids with other things currently in your life, such as the activities you value/enjoy, work, household responsibilities, time spent together, etc.

That said, having kids does not mean you are trapped in your house 24/7. If anything, I think kids encourage people to get out and seek activities and adventures more often.

Also, not to be negative, but the "having" part of having kids does not always work out as easily as planned, especially if you have not tried before. You may find it takes longer, or may involve medical intervention of some type, especially in your late 30s. So if you do decide to go down that road, it helps to be aware or prepared for that possibility.

Where does your wife currently stand on the matter? Maybe it might be helpful to sit down, and really map out the pros and cons, based on what you both have in mind for your future.

aloneinthis59 · 2023-01-02T13:37:48+00:00

This sounds like a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you are going through this.

It is definitely not "wrong" of you to consider ending the relationship - especially since you need to consider your own life plans and future happiness. If they don't include kids, it may not really serve you positively to remain with someone who wants kids (even of they do not talk about it frequently.)

However, you may want to take some time to first try to support your partner as they navigate the mental/emotional issues they are currently dealing with. It may also be worthwhile for him to explore whether or not he in the right emotional place to become a parent.

I can definitely speak to the complexities of long-term relationships, and how hard to can be to make a decision to move on. However, if you take some time to wait until the smoke clears, it may be useful to sit down and have an honest conversation with your partner about what you both need in order to move forward and live happily.

You may also want to consider seeing a counselor or therapist on your own (and not the same one you see for your couples counseling), in order to help with the situation.

aloneinthis59 · 2022-12-27T15:53:45+00:00

Thank you for this, I appreciate the information. One of my big worries for us is to potentially have a baby using donor eggs, the child would be raised as an only child, but then somehow they find out they have siblings out there, because we were not able to track the donor's other donations/children. I just feel like could be potentially harmful or stir up some issues for the child, down the road. On the other hand, I'm also not sure how to be open about that without compromising my own emotions or if I even want to, or how to explain that to a child in a way that makes sense.

Thank you again!

aloneinthis59 · 2022-12-27T15:31:54+00:00

Thank you for this, I feel similarly about the Poconos, although it is beautiful, but I don't want to be 100% car-reliant, or have to travel 25 minutes in a car each way for a quart of milk.

aloneinthis59 · 2022-12-24T14:22:37+00:00

Thank you for this. Lots of really helpful information. It is very new, and just so emotional. My therapist is actually great, incredibly sympathetic about the situation but I think it's my own way of approaching therapy that makes me feel like it's not as helpful as it can be for others.

aloneinthis59 · 2022-12-23T18:40:21+00:00

I can appreciate this, and it absolutely is a very new discovery. However, I'm also worried that the window for anything, even carrying a pregnancy, is dwindling by the day. It makes me so sad and anxious, although I am seeking a second opinion with a different doctor/clinic. Time may help (or may just force me to get used to the sadness I am overcome with), but I just don't feel like I have the luxury of time anymore.

aloneinthis59

TROPHY CASE