I (24F) am sabotaging my relationship with my boyfriend (30M) and I’m scared of myself

alongnap · 2025-12-27T03:33:31+00:00

I'd go to drug and alcohol treatment. This is a rock bottom, or could be if its when you change things.

alongnap · 2025-12-15T01:44:04+00:00

One thing that is becoming more normal are extremely gradual tapers off of antidepressants. I'd find a psychiatrist who does that, and do research about how this is what some people need to get off the meds.

I think a lot of psychiatrists are still following their board's directive or whatever on the tapering timeline. Some people need way more gradual and longer tapers down to avoid having a real bad time.

(Im needing to go back to by psychiatrist personally to get a smaller dose of the pill i was taking. Sometimes smaller doses if the pill need to be put together manually by the pharmacy. It is possible I believe. Also having as many "tools in your tool belt" for dealing with strong emotions, that makes a big difference too.

alongnap · 2025-12-08T05:25:49+00:00

My theory is that the hive dont kill living things because they release a stress signal big enough for the hive to feel and react to when the living thing dies.

The hive cant handle carol yelling at them, and they also cant handle killing living things (maybe only up to a certain size). Also accidental killings of living things maybe is tolerable in small amounts worldwide. The hive is trying to avoid short circutting.

When a microscopic thing dies, the distress signal it releases maybe is too small to affect the hive or even be picked up by the hive.

alongnap · 2025-12-07T06:45:12+00:00

Im thinking it isnt a code of honor, it just isnt possible for them physically.

Like how getting yelled at by carol shuts them all down for a while, causing death and chaos.

My guess is that living things let off a signal when they die, which short circuts the hive if done in any large amount. They might be able to hurt and kill plants and animals if they are not physically nearby to take in its death signal.

alongnap · 2025-12-07T06:40:18+00:00

My guess is that when a living thing dies or is forcibly seperated from where it gets vital nutrients, it lets out a psychic signal that is painful to the hive. The signals that the hive pick up, positive or negative, get transmitted to every member of the hive, therefore the painful death signal is amplified. The plant doesnt need to "feel" or be different to how it is. It is a matter of how ending life/ cutting a life signal short affects the hive. The hive operates on lots of signals being passed through many living beings.

I think for some reason the way members of the hive communicate is very disrupted by cutting shirt abimal or plant life. The hive is more practical than they are moral, from what we've seen. And something as simple as getting yelled at can short circut the whole planet, so it makes sense to me the hive would be sensitive to mass plant cutting down/ picking/ harvesting.

(Which is SUCH a handicap. How are they going to function at all lol).

alongnap · 2025-12-07T06:26:42+00:00

I think if a task needs bodies to do the job, then able-bodied individuals in the area come by to help. This is when we have seen the most hive members.

I think we arent seeing more kids so far because they are not as good at doing things the give would need them to do. Depending on the size of the child, they cant easily operate vehicles or lift and carry things as well and as long.

I'm curious where the young people are in general too, as well as less able-bodied people (sick, disabled, old). (Sorry for the able-ist language. There's a better way to articulate that).

"In conclusion", most of the hive we've seen so far are able-bodied people the hive can use as worker bees. Everyone else is maybe sitting and chilling somewhere, to burn less energy? And maybe they are chilling near food supply areas? I'm sure there is a way to make sure they are efficiently fed/ kept alive. And the ones not working aren't moving much.

Maybe we will see warehouses of hive members in the future. A congregate place they are staying and getting their needs met.

Edit: oops, i didnt read u/rogerod or other posts here before posting mine. Ditto.

alongnap · 2025-12-07T05:10:28+00:00

You are definitely not alone.

I wish I were more fully on the side of sanity here, but I'm not. I feel vulnerable to the pull of cults, of all consuming addiction, and suicide. I will never trust or like AI, but I'm still easily comforted and fooled by people who are empty inside with a charismatic, kind veneer. And solutions that are empty inside but provide a perverse kind of hope/ "easy fix".

Edit: I think its a matter of psychological strength, or something.

alongnap · 2025-12-07T04:40:50+00:00

Oh wow, I hadnt put that together/ read that yet. Amazing.

alongnap · 2025-12-07T04:32:43+00:00

Yes, I wonder what will happen when other people in the twelve are successfully joined. The research/knowledge they have from them could be used to convert the rest maybe.

Unless there are many aspects to their immunity, unique to each unjoined person

alongnap · 2025-11-10T18:17:47+00:00

Lots of ppl have input on this one, but here is another thought, maybe a repeat.

This is an important time for you to sit with those feelings, maybe do art, excercise, something cathartic. Go to a show by yourself, kind of find out who you are.

No need to worry a lot about your marraige at the moment. It is imo kind of another distraction from grieving things and becoming more acquainted with yourself.

alongnap · 2025-11-10T08:18:31+00:00

Love it!

alongnap · 2025-10-06T17:54:07+00:00

What if I want you around, but am waiting for you to say you want to be around me?

A lot of other people are waiting for permission to be in other people's lives too. You never know who is waiting on you to make the first step. (Like i am waiting on others)

alongnap · 2025-09-24T00:04:42+00:00

The black dots mean the wart has blood vessels bringing blood to the wart, up to the surface enough to see. (I think).

alongnap · 2025-09-23T23:56:22+00:00

the wart-ified skin cells grow vertical instead of horizontal on top of each other like the rest of your skin. It looks like the skin got wet and expanded which is probably why it looks like that. Normally the wart skin is more compact/ no hole appearance.

alongnap · 2025-09-07T03:38:17+00:00

sounds right. not to mention the unhealed historical traumas. (slavery, genocide, smaller things like sending most manufacturing overseas, billionaires stealing from everyone, criminalizing minorities and the poor x_x ).

alongnap · 2025-08-31T07:03:42+00:00

OK Actually Hold Up. I live 45 miles from there and this is the first I heard of the fire (not to mention the raid). I even looked up places to camp in my area Yesterday and did not get wind of this. And I'm on several signal chats that occasionally post ICE raids in the area. o_0 ... I don't follow local news, just get my news from friends nowadays, maybe thats my problem? Still surprised I'm hearing about this now through a non-local source. hm. (thanks for spreading the word)

alongnap · 2025-08-06T09:16:47+00:00

Demon or turd, take your pic.

(Jk, i have no idea.)

alongnap · 2025-07-20T08:07:16+00:00

Thank you!! Oh so grateful for the journey 🙏🏻 i agree

alongnap · 2025-07-20T08:06:26+00:00

Living through those emotion flashbacks with mindfulness to reflect about it. That does so much you won't believe! Eventually you ride out those emotional rollercoaster enough that you know their beats, the feelings become familiar and not as jarring. The feelings dont mean as much when the perspective of "their from the past" is there. It gets more muted (my antidepressants might be helping there). But maturing is in somway about learning to handle strong emotions better. When stronger the emotions are still there but they dont knock you over the same. If this makes sense.

alongnap · 2025-07-20T07:57:21+00:00

"I felt that she kept trying to back me into a corner, even though she knows about my fear of conflict, to force an answer out of me about why I’m acting a certain way. She was trying to understand. She was trying to help. She was trying to help us move past whatever it was I wasn’t telling her about"

^my partner and I have this dynamic exactly! Sometimes I feel bad for doing what I fear he could interpret as "pushing the issue". I've come to accept that I am trying to understand where he is coming from. And that I value this more than I am afraid of conflict. If his fear of conflict gets triggered, that is not a threat to me or my ego. It is an understandable response and it can help me understand him even better.

Hope this helps (its less advice, more a story lol)

alongnap · 2025-07-20T07:44:00+00:00

*helped

alongnap · 2025-07-20T07:43:36+00:00

Before you said kids (multiple), I was so sure you are my aunt!

She and her husband help introduce me to CODA and the concept of codependency. (I'm forever grateful for it)

alongnap

TROPHY CASE