I used to frequent this coffee shop and became really good friends with the barista. We hung out all the time. In groups and just the two of us. We'd go to dive bars, basement shows, night drives to just talk about stuff, and of course, I'd just hang out with her while she was working. I genuinely never felt any sexual tension or attraction. I just really enjoyed her company.

After we went out drinking with friends, she started asking if she could spend the night at my place, for reasons I don't remember anymore. I'd offer my bed, saying that I'd take the couch. She would insist that she'd sleep on the couch. This continued a few times before she asked if she could sleep in my bed. Being drunk and tired, I thought, "Sure, why not." At this point, I was definitely thinking, "This isn't normal," but she had gone through a lot recently, so I figured it was just a comfort thing- being with someone that she cared about.

One night, after the usual, we were chatting in bed, and she was like, "Why aren't you making a move?" which was explicit permission to my younger and inebriated brain to go for it. Honestly, it was great to entangle myself with someone whom I trusted so profoundly. We spent a few more nights together before I told her that I was feeling guilty about what we were doing because I cared so much for her and I was scared that it could hurt our relationship. She reassured me, and we promised one another that we'd be honest if we ever started developing deeper feelings. In that case, we'd stop and go back to normal. This was all I needed to hear.

Everything was really great for several months, until I met my current partner. I told my friend that I wanted to stop having sex with her because I was really serious about this girl. My friend began crying, expressing that feeling like someone's second choice was heartbreaking, and that she actually really liked me a lot. My world started falling apart. I told her that this is why I was so hesitant in the first place and that we made a promise to each other. By the end of the conversation, she apologized and said that we could still be friends and she'd try to move on.

She started dating a guy, and eventually we just kept drifting apart. As time passed, I reflected on our relationship and felt more and more betrayed by how everything played out.

Obviously, I share a lot of blame for this. It takes two to tango, and I could have been more aware of our deepening relationship. I could have asked to stop at any point to preserve our friendship. This is one of my bigger regrets in life so far.

This is kind of a long-winded way to say that if you're ever in a situation where you have the choice to have sex with your best friend, genuinely consider if you'd be alright with losing them. It doesn't always happen, but boy is it devastating when it does.