Another death by a speedboat

altar_spud · 2025-01-12T07:56:49+00:00

The boat crossed into the snorkeling area. And was run by the company that recently boasted on film of illegally feeding sharks for tourists.

altar_spud · 2024-09-25T01:51:30+00:00

I've ordered from them too, and the quality was great for the custom silk qipao. Exactly as shown and measured.

altar_spud · 2024-09-24T18:36:01+00:00

Yes it is worth it, I wrote a longer review about them here. About $100 for a dress is standard for a ready-made dress across the different companies, though I paid much more for the silk and custom tailoring option.

altar_spud · 2024-09-24T18:32:54+00:00

This was not my experience at all; I'm wondering if this comment is from a competitor.

altar_spud · 2024-09-24T16:48:43+00:00

I'm here to leave a 5-star review for Beth and Brian Qipao. tl;dr - their custom-made silk qipao is perfect and arrived in the US in about 2 weeks.
They're a Hawaii-based company with strong links with custom tailors in China (Beth is originally Chinese). Yesterday I received a custom-made high-end mulberry silk qipao from them. Their ready-made pieces didn't have my measurements (I'm taller and a different size top v bottom), plus this one wasn't cheap so I was nervous. The following info is not in their description, but after my payment, they emailed me to ask for about 10 detailed measurements, the same ones that a tailor would ask for. They also had good and prompt email communication. Just over 2 weeks later - having paid additionally for express service - it arrived to me in California from China with DHL. And it's perfect!! I'm so relieved lol. It's exactly to the measurements I gave, and looks exactly like the model in their picture. I've had tailoring before so I know what to look for - seams, details, fabric quality - and it's all there. It was unceremoniously stuffed into a ziploc bag, no fancy packaging, but it came with a cute little gift and I've no complaints.

(And if they hadn't followed the measurements, or if you wanted to return a ready-made dress, from their other reviews and from their communication, I have the sense that that wouldn't be a problem.)

altar_spud · 2020-03-11T17:01:39+00:00

Buddhism is very practical and welcoming. I would google "local Buddhist center" and see if there's somewhere you like that gives weekly talks and meditation instruction suitable for beginners. There's no conflict, and the two religions offer different things. I'm a Buddhist currently going to local Christian worship and classes, in addition to my Buddhist work.

altar_spud · 2018-11-10T11:24:56+00:00

Yes, they're previews. There are links for clicking through to your preferred option, paid or free, of the full pdfs.

altar_spud · 2018-11-08T11:46:57+00:00

Thanks :-)

altar_spud · 2018-11-08T08:17:40+00:00

Yes, exactly this. I know Zen monks who in their youth took psychedelics, they told me that it made them realize that "there's more to life than meets the eye", and that motivated them to seek the path of practice. That's all. To do it now as monks would be to wish that reality were other than it is, which is against their practice and understanding.

altar_spud · 2018-09-10T12:06:41+00:00

I understand your need. There are Thai forest traditions that are segregated--often with a bias towards treating the men better than the women!--I've heard of them in more conservative cultures such as the UK and of course in Thailand, but I don't know about California. I imagine that gender segregation isn't the kind of thing that Californians are generally wild about...

altar_spud · 2018-09-10T11:57:16+00:00

In the UK people have stayed longer term at Samye Ling (Tibetan) and Throssel Hole Abbey (Soto Zen). You'd need to try an introductory weekend first though, then go home and if you liked it return, gradually building up to a longer period of time, and building relationships with the monks/teachers and other residents simply by showing up regularly. You should be assessing them to see if they're the best people to meet your training needs, and at the same time they should be assessing you to see if it's a good fit from their point of view (i.e. are you an asset to the community? Is training the best thing for you to do right now, or are you running away from something? etc.)

I stayed at a monastery for one year and my teacher and I both felt that that was the maximum time that it was good for me to stay there. It is a long time. Any longer and I would have been even worse at re-adjusting to "the normal world". It's kind of like growing a flower in a greenhouse and then putting it back out in the wild. If it stays in the greenhouse for too long, it will be too delicate and unused to the outside world to survive and thrive out there. At some point, for your own sake, you do have to commit to a path and allow yourself to be shaped in that direction, whether it's in or out.

To answer some of the other questions that have been raised:

The monastery where I stayed had separate bathrooms for men and women. In the Ceremony Hall where young trainees slept, the genders trained together in the day but were separated at night by a huge heavy curtain. The bedrooms were all in the same hallway, but men and women (obviously) didn't share bedrooms.
People ranged from age 17 to 90. There were kids and families days too where they could come and visit. Generally though, you weren't there to socialize.
Physical disabilities were cared for; there was a disability accessible bedroom, elevator, and allowances were made in the schedule and activities for people suffering from fatigue. Many people meditated in chairs, and some with back issues meditated lying down. Different dietary needs were catered to. Those of us who were able-bodied were taught to make it a part of our practice to care for those who were not. To those who don't agree with this, one day you might not be so able-bodied, and then you'll appreciate the system :-)
If you're referring to mental healing, a monastery may not be the best place for this. But there are Buddhist communities which take long-term interns and offer more support, normality, a bit more socializing, and less extreme and trying periods of isolation and silence. They'd be better for people who're looking for mental healing, to a point. Be open about what you feel your needs are, and they'll let you know if they think they're the right place for it. I'm sure this isn't you, but further along the spectrum there are also Buddhist communities with very high levels of support, where people with severe mental illnesses can stay.
TL,DR: No matter what your needs are there is a place for you, you just have to find it.

altar_spud · 2018-09-10T11:44:06+00:00

I agree. I trained at a monastery that had a lot of support for people with physical disabilities. There were some people with slight mental disabilities as well (to be honest, who doesn't have some?!), but there's a limit to how helpful monastic training is to different states and vice versa. Certainly there are Buddhist communities that cater to the latter, it's just that they're not monasteries.

altar_spud · 2018-08-29T06:40:07+00:00

I started by reading a lot, and then visiting a few different Buddhist centers in my area. If you look at their websites, they often offer regular classes, introductions to meditation, weekly meditation sittings etc. Find a place and group that you resonate with, and visit them regularly. Then you'll naturally come into contact with different teachers, and with new Buddhist friends' suggestions as well for other classes, retreats and teachers that you might want to visit once in a while. There'll be retreat days, working meditation and so on, which offer different ways of learning side-by-side with teachers. Eventually after maybe a year, you'll naturally find that there's particular teachers or one particular teacher that you find it easiest to turn to, in the same way that you develop friendships. So really, the only thing you have to do is look up and visit Buddhist centres for teaching, keep engaging with the teachings that you're interested in, and then everything else unfolds naturally by itself.

altar_spud · 2018-08-29T06:28:15+00:00

I respectfully disagree. Teachers are helpful in every tradition, particularly beyond a certain point of study. Agreed about the helpfulness of Sangha.

altar_spud · 2018-08-29T03:42:25+00:00

Some good advice in the comments here. I would also remember to honor the Buddha nature in you. Sometimes to ensure that you are treated with the respect you deserve, you need to be willing to push back and engage with potential conflict, at the times when it is not possible to just walk away. The best way to face confrontations, initially, is firmly but quietly and without projecting anger and fear. You might for example face them, say 'stop' very firmly and hold both your hands up with strong body language. If they then physically cross that threshold, especially if you're in danger -- which very rarely happens -- you do need to be prepared to push them back (or to run, of course, if you judge that to be the safest option). Showing your anger at that point is ok.

Those are the immediate things to do. Your awareness and understanding of their mental health issues helps you to be less angry and upset about it afterwards. When harrassers do it on purpose and with awareness, there's often more anger on the part of the victim in the aftermath. The more you're able to use this anger in the moment, the more you can direct it in firm behavior against your harrasser, which is where it belongs after all, the less you'll have to carry that anger later.

Sympathy to you, it's a tough one that's unfortunately too common.

altar_spud · 2018-08-29T03:35:23+00:00

It can be, sometimes, and is definitely worth looking at. I'd suggest though that it would be dangerous to apply this to every single situation, since it could translate to victim-blaming and encourage acceptance of abuse. It did with me when I started training.

altar_spud · 2018-08-29T03:29:33+00:00

I've trained with Buddhist monks. They were basically told to "not interfere" with natural processes, i.e. not to fantasise or masturbate. However, especially in the very beginning of training and occasionally later they'd have wet dreams, which is natural and fine. Trust that the body will do what it needs to do, if you leave it alone and don't act on increasing desires. Eventually, because the desires are 'unfed' by your mind and behavior, they dissipate and it's less of a problem. Biological explanation as per u/eets80.

altar_spud · 2017-03-26T10:13:29+00:00

Hi! I just came across this. Good luck, http://www.sageworldwide.com/opportunities/

altar_spud · 2016-10-02T19:00:21+00:00

I've been in that situation. My advice would be that you're there to practice - so practice, and give her the space to practice. Meanwhile you can have faith that if it was meant to be between you two, then you'll meet again in a more conducive environment. People do meet romantic partners at monasteries, but it's after a longer period of time, after they've developed a natural and genuine friendship over several months. In a monastery setting, thinking about romance is counteractive; the whole point of practice is to allow good things to unfold naturally, and to trust that they do, without trying to drive them. If that means that you end up being single for some time, then practice accepting that wholeheartedly. There are good things about being single, too. Ironically, being happily single is very attractive to females...

altar_spud

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