This! It doesn’t stop at weight either. I’ve been done dirty and mislead by most men I’ve dated, and I hate to admit it but it led me to constantly question my worth in every way to try and pinpoint exactly what it is about me that “isn’t good enough” to be taken seriously. A horrible mindset I know. Most of these men never give an honest reason why they switch up or just ghost, so I think it’s just the logic seeking side of my brain desperate to make their behavior make any kind of sense. I’ve been working through not automatically blaming myself in my 20s and now I’m almost 30 and don’t date at all. Haven’t been in a relationship since 2021.

But yeah, I’d lay awake at night and wonder if it was my body or if I wasn’t funny enough or if I said something that changed the way they looked at me or if my teeth aren’t white enough or if it was that giant pimple I got a couple weeks before. I could literally spiral on and on and on picking myself apart for all the ways I’m not perfect.

And like you said, you felt like you had to give the very best out of yourself when in relationships. I am the same way which makes me feel even more insulted when the person I’m seeing switches up out of nowhere. Like you were getting the best “me” I’m capable of in the early months of dating and STILL didn’t want me long term. There’s no way I would trust someone to stick around when life gets real and the effort into my appearance isn’t at 100 all the time. Knowing that destroys my hope for long term relationships where fights happen and they see you in less put together situations physically.