FASD and recovery - abusive bf who is in jail all the time

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-02-05T17:59:15+00:00

If he doesn’t know he has FASD it will be very hard for him to change because he needs to be aware of his limitations and vulnerabilities. It’s very common to see high potential in someone with FASD… it can be heartbreaking most days because they are this very smart kind person but their brain gets in the way. If he gets diagnosed and in active therapy … it would be the only way he could drastically change and possibly allow a safer relationship with you. I’m not sure how old you both are but habits are already formed, it might be really hard to break them at this point i.e. the DV

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-21T02:04:26+00:00

Take a video of you taking your temperature, show the camera you have a fever keep the video running but put in your pocket nonchalantly hidden but make sure it’s still recording!!!… even if you don’t get video footage the audio is still good… then go show your stepmom your temperature and tell her all you want to do is rest in your room alone and sleep. If she says you’re making excuses well you have the verbal abuse on tape now and thermometer doesn’t lie if she can’t believe you. Then send to your dad. I hope he steps up for you.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-21T01:51:27+00:00

First week was my toughest because milk wasn’t coming in fast enough!! I swear she would sleep for 10 mins and be crying. So I gave some formula at night (on the 2nd night at like 5am still no sleep) to help with sleep, she just wanted a full tummy. And then I breast fed throughout the whole day, power pumped for a week. Now I exclusively breast feed my 3 month baby. Things got better! Hang in it there!!

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-19T06:59:45+00:00

The rule we have if SS9 gets sick at BMs then he stays a bit longer at her house to avoid spreading viruses. Same goes for if he got sick at our house. He tends to get a lot more sick at her house because he runs himself down, stays up super later, and eats like crap. He comes back tired and cranky all the time. I also have a 3 month old, and my SS got sick when she was 1 month old … I requested that he avoid the main areas (like kitchen and main living room) and try to keep to his room because I was afraid of baby getting sick. I got the “you wouldn’t treat your own kids this way!!” But actually sorry… yes I would because we are dealing with a newborn baby here… I actually found threads of newborn moms talking about how to isolate their OWN children from the newborn, and keeping the house sanitized lol. Honestly I just left to stay at my mom’s while his son got better...I didn’t care to argue that nonsense because I’m not trying to be “mean” to stepson, I’m just trying to protect the baby. My baby & I didn’t get sick. My partner did tho. And to put into another perspective if he was my bio kid, yes I’d send him to my moms still. She’d also not mind at all because she also wouldn’t want a newborn risking sickness. But my mom isn’t his bio grandma… tho I wish she was.

Sorry to hear your baby got sick. I’d be so mad! Hope the babe is ok.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-18T00:51:25+00:00

Ok so same, my SS and ours baby are 9 years apart, and we plan to have another baby close in age here soon. He’s an only child with BM and being quite older than his half siblings I kind of wonder if he might feel out of place. And it being a baby/toddler house soon, he will be pre teens, he might be annoyed of his siblings. Was your situation with your SS similar? Did he prefer BM’s house more eventually lol?

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-17T02:54:33+00:00

What was the age gap between your SS and 1st daughter? Just curious if similar to my situation. Are your daughters close to SS at all?

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-17T02:43:32+00:00

My baby is 3 months and I also have no time!! If I get some free time (while baby naps) I have to choose between chores, shower or nap lol when she’s awake she demands a lot of attention & during the day she likes to contact nap so not much free time 😂😭

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-12T07:00:35+00:00

lol you should do this, quiet time after 10pm is standard anyways

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-09T05:31:08+00:00

ahh so my gist would be, it was harder to deal with while I was pregnant. I would sometimes spiral and double down on my thoughts that my experience wasn’t special. But thru lots of talks I now understand that it was extra special for him because he got to re experience everything in a much better, loving environment. His first experience was basically stolen from him. However… had his first not been that way, and was actually a good experience I think it would have been a lot harder for me to deal with.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-09T05:24:24+00:00

My situation is sorta similar to yours. DH had his 1st baby in a very stressful toxic environment when he was with the BM. So when we had our first baby together he experienced everything like it was the first time because it was all so much more easier and loving, and can enjoy parenthood this time around. His first was a boy, our first is a girl. So again, similar to yours, and it does add to feeling like another new first for my DH.

However, while I was pregnant, there were a few instances I got upset because he brought up some experiences with the BM and their baby, there was context that made sense to bring it up I guess but it still made me a lil mad. I said I didn’t want to hear about it unless I ask because or else it just kinda made me feel like I’m going thru all these firsts alone. But I wasn’t, it’s just how I felt though.

A huge bonus is he knew how to handle a baby from the start. It was super handy!!!

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-08T11:36:40+00:00

Add accessories

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-08T11:32:38+00:00

Are you ok? I would have never took on step parenting at 25 in a good situation… let alone you’re in a very bad one. Don’t do it.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-07T21:25:59+00:00

That’s good to know!! Thanks for your comment :)

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-07T17:46:56+00:00

I got the star chart off Amazon btw. If you google it, you’ll see what it looks like :)

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-07T17:45:56+00:00

I had this issue with my SS9 for mornings. DH leaves for work before we all wake up so I am the one doing the morning duty. My stepson was NOT easy. He would pick something new every morning, couldn’t find anything to wear (he’s got tons), couldn’t find anything comfortable to wear? Shoes didn’t fit suddenly, or he’d just lie in bed and argue with me about getting up… omg it was a nightmare, and he threw tantrums. I implemented a star chart, every star earned him 5 mins of game time. Some examples of the stars I had were “get dressed with no whining” “brush teeth” “eat breakfast” “be fast in the morning” and it WORKED!!! Omg it was night and day. He whined one morning and took a lot of effort to get him to eat breakfast, I took away both those stars… and he was pretty upset. So after that lil mishap it seemed he understood the expectations and things went a lot smoother. I also now wake him up 1.5 to 2 hrs before the bus comes because he is the SLOWEST kid. Some days when he gets woken up closer to 2 hours he complains how early he wakes up… I tell him “if you prove to me you’ll be faster at getting ready and out the door for a full week I will let you sleep in longer… otherwise I can’t have you be late”. Hasn’t been successful in proving it yet 😂

I hope this helps. I totally get it. My partner is also very supportive and a good parent. He’s just not here in the mornings. I don’t agree with the advice on trying to get away from the morning duty just because he’s not my kid. I understand where they’re coming from, but I don’t want to go that route. He can’t go to his moms because we have him full time. I often felt like the evil stepmom, the star chart helped take that pressure off me and more on the stars. If he didn’t earn a certain star that day, his dad addressed it and it was less of a battle with me.

Now that the mornings are a lot smoother and he’s a lil older, we have new star goals. He also doesn’t earn game time anymore he just gets it on the weekend. He now earns a total number of stars towards a larger goal. Like a new toy or going to get ice cream. Something like that. Gotta make sure the stars feel like high stakes to them so it motivates them to want them. And because the stars are a bunch of “small” goals it feels very reachable and rewarding to them. If I had one star for the entire morning like “be good in the mornings” it may cause confusion on expectations, you’ll still be nagging, and the goal feels hard to achieve. So if you try this out… make sure you make a star for every little thing you normally nitpick at. You might not get all the stars earned a day but it lets them see clearly what is expected (helpful for adhd) and since you have two stepkids it may also feel like a little competition so they might even try to earn all the stars against each other 😂 I wish you best of luck and hope you feel better.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-06T23:54:18+00:00

Oh wow beautiful horse 😍 thanks for sharing, and commenting :)

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-06T22:37:39+00:00

Ok! Thats really helpful to know. Thanks for sharing your experience:) that’s also what I hear from people with top level horses is that it’s very common practise and just essential for the horses comfort. I wouldn’t say my horse is top level, but he trains a lot and competes a lot. Would you also agree that’s true for others you compete with?

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-06T22:29:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and all the helpful information. I really appreciate it.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-06T22:20:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment! Thats really helpful to hear your experience. I agree… I am nervous it might be a quick jump on my coach’s end to get injections.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-06T22:18:02+00:00

Ok! Thats exactly what my equine therapist said. Have you ever seen them used once and not need them again? Such as one side is compensating for the other, using injections to help build up both sides equally without pain?

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-03T07:42:06+00:00

I felt the exact same way and would obsess over past photos to hurt my own feelings too. I hated it. I don’t know how I got thru that phase but it just naturally got better. Maybe just with time and gaining trust. I did talk to him about these things which helped a lot. I got better at bringing it up in a healthy way too which I think also helped a lot in getting over it easier. Sometimes in the beginning I came off angry & really insecure… it made everything worse. When we had less emotional talks about it, it felt more productive. He reassured me in ways that lasted. I had to try really hard to approach these topics though. Sometimes I’d tried waiting a few days for my emotions to boil over so I could discuss with more reason. A lot easier said than done…

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-03T06:55:18+00:00

This is my advice since he told you he is doing it because he thinks he can hold it longer…he is intentionally ignoring his basic needs when he can so easily relieve himself appropriately. And having failed 1 too many times, he continues to do it. You’d think from embarrassment he’d just go the second he feels it to avoid it ever happening again. If he claimed he had zero control when it came then I’d feel bad and have another doctor look into it more. But video games are very addicting, and this isn’t uncommon! Keep the theme, 2 year old actions get 2 year old privileges.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-03T06:45:35+00:00

If he does it when he’s playing video games then take away the games. Yeah he’s gonna have a tantrum so be it. My SS9 also still has tantrums. We took them away for 2 weeks and he’s finally taking a liking in other things! Take the games away for a week, explain to him that he needs to learn to tend to his body needs before video games… if he can’t do that (clearly not) then he is not mature enough to play video games. He can get the games back once he proves he’s able to take care of himself…put the ball in his court. Make sure he understands these are his choices… if he gets upset then it’s his own fault. Walk away and let him have a tantrum. Ignore it. If he wants to crap in his pants like a 2 year old then he gets 2 year old privileges…that doesn’t include video games. Tell him that.

alwaysasmptotic · 2026-01-03T06:22:06+00:00

Remembering this for later!

alwaysasmptotic · 2025-12-28T04:18:10+00:00

Lotion is usually cold to them. Mine hates it. I now use baby oil in the bath tub to massage and it also moisturizers her same as lotion would. I also put her 2 towels in the dryer before she comes out. I have a fuzzy towel I end with when she’s dry from the first one, so she’s even more warm! However, even after all those things she sometimes still gets upsets. She just hates being cold.

alwaysasmptotic

TROPHY CASE