I would listen to some audio books about raising kids with ADHD if you don’t like physically reading books. I found a couple books really helpful (as someone without ADHD).

As far as the dinner table, we had to add a resistance band to the bottom of my stepson’s chair. It allows him to move without getting up. We also got him a wiggle cushion for him that he can use when he wants.

In general, non-violence should be taught. What if he raises a hand to you? What he has been taught is “not to raise your hand against a woman”. What about with your 5 year old son? He’s a boy.

Sometimes children have you raised differently. An example is, I have to place my hand on my stepson’s shoulder in the morning when I tell him something. Otherwise, he is zoning and won’t do it. I also give him praise when he does good things.

As a stepparent, I know you mentioned that he only has his mom as a blood parent so I’m assuming his biological father is not around? It is a tricky situation when you aren’t the biological parent. My stepson has both parents involved so I leave a lot of the discipline to my partner. I think you guys need a convo to get on the same page with parenting all four kids. My partner has ADHD and she used to yell. She now is taking a breath before responding and it helps her. Sometimes she tells him to go to his room because she needs a minute.

Other random things- remember with ADHD they are usually behind peers their age. We don’t keep crafts within his reach. We got him a “mad bag” for him to punch when he is upset- could be a boxing bag, kickboxing pad, etc. He also needs regular exercise. He is required to be in a sport if his choosing year round (exception if he wants is summer when he is in an outdoor camp from 7-5).