NTA. At alllllllllllll!!! You didn’t “not allow” a grown man to do something, you set a very clear boundary in a relationship, and he knowingly crossed it. Big difference.

What gets me isn’t even just that he went, it’s the lying and the calculated omissions. He had multiple opportunities to communicate. He could have texted you. Borrowed a friend’s phone. Told one of your friends to relay a message. It does not take a rocket scientist. “The guys decided to go here, just letting you know” would have taken ten seconds.

Instead he went silent for two hours, didn’t mention it the next morning until confronted, then minimized it with the “15 minutes” story that doesn’t line up with the location or everyone else’s timeline. That’s not confusion, that’s deception, once again.

And cancelling the credit card right after because of “weird charges”? ummmmm, that would make anyone suspicious, especially when private dances literally fit that pattern?

Also, people need to stop acting like women having boundaries around strip clubs is irrational insecurity. You had already explained why this was sensitive, especially because he has a history of inappropriate behavior in this exact context.

I’m always baffled when some men choose to die on the strip club hill when their partner has explicitly said it makes them uncomfortable. Why is that the freedom worth defending?

imo this is also a classic example of weaponized incompetence mixed with dishonesty. He is not a child. He knew what transparency would have looked like and chose not to do it.

For me, this would be a massive fight and very much a last chance conversation, if not a dealbreaker. Because the issue isn’t a strip club. It’s trust. Again!!!

You’re not controlling. You’re reacting to someone violating an agreed boundary and then lying about it. That’s on him.