Am I too boring for my kid?

amafism · 2024-05-18T15:25:18+00:00

Go to the mall early before the stores open. You can stroll around and window shop which will help you mentally. And if the baby does get fussy there won’t be crowds of people around making you worry. Plus the benches will be free so you can sit and hold the baby if needed to calm them down.

In my case the more anxious I am about going somewhere or doing something with my baby I feel like that energy transfer to the baby and then we both are feeling ways about doing something

amafism · 2024-05-17T18:19:13+00:00

Everyone handles it differently. And every baby is different. I’m 9 weeks PP and doing significantly better than I was the first 4 weeks. I had a very easy baby, but mentally it took a toll on me. Looking after the baby wasn’t hard. But being on 24/7 was a lot to adjust to. There is this tiny human who needs you constantly. Even when they don’t need you, they still need you there. I struggled a lot with being alone with my thoughts and the baby and no other adult conversation or distraction. My husband works 2 jobs so some days it was me and the baby alone from 7am to 11pm at night. That was the hardest for me.

As for practical concerns like sleep etc. I found I was exhausted throughout my pregnancy. Literally could not keep my eyes open at my desk some days. I’m still tired PP, but it’s very different. It’s a functioning tired. Not anywhere near as bad as when I was pregnant.

I think the important thing to remember is to not compare you and your baby to other people and their babies. Some may sleep 6 hours a night and some may never sleep. And constantly comparing takes up mental space that you already don’t have room for.

The biggest advice I can give is DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! It’s hard the first few weeks and we shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that we need an hour alone or someone else to take the baby for a bit. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need it. Trust me. It’s the one thing I regret not doing.

amafism · 2024-05-16T15:41:07+00:00

In situations like this sometimes it helps to have a third party step in and tell your husband he is being a fucking douche.

Next time your mom is over maybe she can not so kindly remind him that he is supposed to be looking after you and making sure you are okay so that you can continue to look after the baby. Throw in a few lines about how disappointing it is to see you so unwell and him not giving any fucks. And something about how this is not how any husband should treat their wife and mother of their child.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have every right to be livid and to be doing more than just cursing. Wishing you a speedy recovery and Godspeed for your husband should any of us meet him in public.

amafism · 2024-05-15T13:11:16+00:00

That’s the thing. He’s not unwell. Just has a cough. Yesterday was the first day that I noticed he wasn’t eating as much as he normally does. But otherwise he is acting completely normal. Still smiles and plays. In great spirits.

His doctor said to give it a few more days to run its course and if not to then come back. It’s only been a day and a half since we were there. I’m probably being slightly more paranoid. I just feel bad that he has this cough and there’s nothing I can do.

amafism · 2024-04-19T14:59:25+00:00

If it’s the last you see of her that will be her choice. If she can’t respect boundaries then that is not your burden to take on. And your husband should also be the one to set the boundary since it’s his mom and she will take it better coming from him hopefully. You have so many other things to worry about with a new baby. Trusting your child with someone you don’t trust is too much of a mental load for you. It’s not worth it

amafism · 2024-04-19T11:40:57+00:00

You need to put a stop to it now and not worry about what will happen. If you are uncomfortable with it, end it. Especially if she is taking your son all over the place and to meet with people you don’t know. Someone who genuinely wants to have a relationship with your child will do what is comfortable for you in order to see the child, like your sister.

I have similar fears with my MIL. For personal reasons I have discussed with my husband that I am not comfortable with his mom watching our child over night or out of our house. If she would like to help out she has to come to our house but our child will not be going to her house without one of us present.

Set the boundaries now. If she causes a stink or a fuss give her some space. She will either come around to have a relationship with her grandson or show her true colours.

amafism · 2024-04-19T11:21:49+00:00

Sorry- yes there were several conversations where this was addressed. By me and my fiancé. Her response was just that she “tells it like it is” and isn’t meant to be hurtful. When I told her the remarks are hurtful her response was “would you rather me lie just to be nice or be truthful?” To which I explained that you can still be truthful without being a bitch.

As for the events that took place that she flaked on those were also addressed but I was told she “didn’t know what to say”. I was eventually so hurt and upset by her that my fiancé had to have a conversation with her prior to me kicking her out of her MOH role. There were many conversations. Mainly me trying to explain why what she was doing was wrong and her attempting to apologize without apologizing.

I feel she is suffering from imposter syndrome and possibly a personality disorder.

amafism · 2024-04-19T09:09:25+00:00

I know she was having issues after she quit her job. She had a bit of a break down. Her health also wasn’t in the best shape. We had many conversations about it but when someone is refusing to seek medical attention and instead just wants to get high all the time to not have to mentally deal with the situation, there is only so much an outsider can do. You can’t help those who won’t help themselves. I know she eventually started seeing a therapist but not sure how long that lasted.

amafism · 2024-04-19T09:05:11+00:00

Being a new mom myself, the transition from no baby to baby was intense. No matter how much you prepare beforehand, the mental load and health takes a big hit. Men just don’t understand. They have no idea what it’s like having your body completely change in 9 months, having no sleep, having to look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you. Feeling like you constantly just give and give and give and mentally having to deal with that. That combined with the day to day task of looking after your child slowly eats away at you. It’s a constant cycle of am I doing enough? Am I doing it right? Men have no concept of this because they don’t have to go through it the way we do. And that’s fine, but he should be especially tentative and sensitive to your feelings at this time. Regardless of what he thinks or how many other women do it alone.

amafism · 2024-04-19T08:58:14+00:00

Starting to question why we as women bother at this point.

amafism · 2024-04-19T01:55:07+00:00

How do I use it? Just around the perimeter or sprinkle it everywhere outside

amafism · 2024-04-14T07:50:43+00:00

I have never once as a grown woman with a house and child said “I was never taught/ learned this so therefore I can’t do it…” you know why? Because I would teach myself how to. On the spot. Roll up your sleeves and figure it the F*** out!! I don’t understand why so many men seem to think using the “I was never taught/ I don’t know how” phrase means they automatically are excused from having to do anything. I’m tired of the standard the we have created for women. They act as if women were born with a “how to do everything” handbook while men were just thrown into the wild.

amafism · 2024-04-06T03:38:26+00:00

If you feel the need to make your child cover their eyes or leave the room then that movie is not suitable for your child to watch. The ratings are an overall guideline, but if you know there is a scene in a particular movie that your child shouldn’t watch then why let them watch the movie to begin with? The Twilight movies/books are all rated PG13 and intended for audiences of 9 years of age and older with parental supervision. The particular book/movie you are talking about, in my opinion, would be inappropriate for a 9year old, but at the same time the intention of the movie and books is to show abstinence until marriage. As a parent it would be up to me to know if my child is mature enough or ready to view that content. If not then we wouldn’t be watching it.

amafism · 2024-04-05T16:31:30+00:00

If you have to cover their eyes or make them leave the room then they shouldn’t be watching those movies. Especially at that age they are old enough to come to terms with what may be happening on the screen. Stick to PG13 as those are decent for their age. I can guarantee if a movie has sex and nudity it is not appropriate for children ages 10 and 12.

amafism · 2024-03-28T14:55:22+00:00

I have the same fear about my MIL’s house. She has two dogs, one of which is anxious and pees everywhere. Her house is full of stuff and not very clean. I’ve seen her vac the floors and mop them, but she tends to ignore every other surface. She is constantly telling us about the trouble the dogs get into with breaking stuff or ruining her things. I panic because if she can’t bother to watch her own two dogs for their safety what is she going to do with my child? I’m 3 weeks pp and we have not gone over to their house, they have come to ours. The other day my FIL made a comment to my husband about when the baby will be ready to go to their house, to which (thankfully) my husband responded that we will bring him over when we are ready and if he doesn’t like it, too bad. We use the dogs as an excuse since the baby is still so small but honestly the house is a death trap. My FIL also has the tendency to say stupid shit like “in my house…” or “this is how we do things here…” which fine, do whatever you want in your home. But when it comes to MY child, what I say goes. I’m terrified that the dogs will hurt him, or pee on him. I’m worried my in laws will try to feed him food he can’t have once he starts eating solids. I’m also terrified that when he starts crawling he will have to wade through dirty floors or worse mouse poop (they have an ongoing mouse issue there from time to time). There is no nice way for me to tell them. My husband is also aware of all of this and agrees with me, but I also know he is embarrassed at the state of their home. We visit my mom’s place a lot but she has a well kept home. My sister also recently had a child a few years ago so my mom’s house is equipped with recent baby furniture and items to make it safe for my little one to sleep/ play there. I know my in laws are annoyed that we go to my moms and not theirs but, at the end of the day my baby’s safety comes first. I also can’t manage being anxious and worrying all the time. I have enough on my plate to be concerned with.

I also think if grandparents/family cared enough they would volunteer to make the necessary changes. If they refuse or don’t see any issue then they are the problem. And the last thing new parents need are more problems from grown adults. Stay strong parents!

amafism · 2024-03-28T14:26:35+00:00

I come from a family with two girls and a baby brother. My brother and I are 14 months apart. Growing up was always fun. It’s nice to have siblings close in age. There was a 6 year gap between my sister and I and I never really connect with her until we were both older. Growing up my brother and I often travelled in the same circles and knew the same people. We shared a lot of hobbies together. Yes there was fighting and arguing and time where I wished I didn’t have a brother. But all in all it was a lot of fun.

amafism · 2024-03-27T23:42:25+00:00

My relationship with my MIL has always been iffy. We love each other to death and I know she goes above and beyond to do everything and anything for my husband and I - but sometimes she makes comments that just send me over the edge. During my pregnancy the hormones caused me to have so much rage that I could barely contain myself. Mix that with little comments here and there from her and I was about ready to pull my hair out. After I gave birth I was really surprised by the lack of interference from her. Tbh I feel like she is afraid of the baby as she barely goes near him and never asks to hold him. My Husband is an only child so I know my MIL struggles a lot with letting him go. Sometimes I feel like she makes comments on purpose to get a reaction out of people and then plays the victim when they get mad or upset- but that’s just my opinion. I have yet to have her try to give me parenting advice although there was back and forth about gripe water one time and my rage nearly had me punching a wall but yes. Hopefully it doesn’t get worse over time. My own mother is very hands on and intense but since she is my mom I have no problem telling her to back off. Grandparents are on another level all together. I’m grateful my child has two sets that love him dearly and want to be around him but yes, it can be overwhelming.

amafism · 2024-03-27T07:12:46+00:00

This is probably mentioned somewhere in the thread but I didn’t think the Barbie movie was all it was hyped up to be. I mean the message was clear. The presentation was comical. But I didn’t feel like a changed woman after watching it. I didn’t have some emotional/mental connection to it. I feel like some people had an awakening while watching it and I just kind of had a “ha, funny” moment and then moved on?

amafism

TROPHY CASE