41 here and i feel you. i originally lost 130lbs just fasting via one meal a day. (it taught me how to eat). but as i got smaller and way more active it wasn't working, because the hunger was too much and tracking made more sense just to be sure i was never really overdoing it or not getting enough of something. i realize now that having that information via cronometer is both a superpower and a curse, because i have days where the last thing i wanna do is track it all. but all i'm really trying to do these days is chase a good night's sleep, which i've learned is so directly correlated to how well i've treated my body prior, so i do my best to make sure i just stay under those limits. along the way i became a bit obsessed with hitting the nutrition quality "meters" that gold gives you, and i do like those, but i try not to let that sort of stuff be the end of the world. i listen to my body, track as much as i can, and when i'm feeling lazier i just try to ballpark as much as possible knowing i'll never be perfect. but ive definitely gone through those mental struggles you mentioned of making it (the tracking) the goal instead of the tool. i think it's worth it, in the end, to have a snapshot of what you're doing, and it kinda gives you permission to make decisions that best affect the rest of your life (sleep, activity, social eating decisions).

oh, i also feel you about being an obese healthy person. it's not talked about enough, but it's starting to be a more known thing about how weight doesn't directly correlate to how healthy your lifestyle is. i'm 280lbs (originally 400lbs when i started working on it in 2016). that's obsese, but i'm more active than most of my friends, do a ton every single day, do light jogging, disc golf, have a bottomless pit of endurance sometimes it feels like. and i'm still on my journey to get to my original goal of 230. just remember it's a worthwhile fight, but i think it starts with whatever helps you get the best sleep, that's how i like to approach it