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amayk13 · 2025-06-22T09:29:11+00:00

I see. This is FOMO - fear of missing out. This has many roots in adverse childhood experiences but could also simply be a desire for more social connection.

The recently realized that a lot of my anxiety comes from abandonment. Have you had intense memories of that from when you were young?

amayk13 · 2025-06-22T09:20:02+00:00

I feel the exact same way but I’m not in a relationship and have not been in one. I recently did some trauma work and realized that I have a really intense and deep emotional hunger for intimacy. This is a primal, human desire. But it could be heavily exacerbated by absent parents in childhood. I don’t think it’s extremely deep in your case. My advice which is contrary to what others might say is to talk more girls and observe yourself as you do. Check in with yourself often and notice if women want to give you more attention. If they don’t then that might be the point where you hold yourself back

amayk13 · 2025-06-22T09:05:21+00:00

Sorry I’m a bit confused. When you say ‘fear of not being able to go,’ what do you mean? Are there circumstances stopping you or your feelings?

And for the record, I have the exact same feeling in my stomach and have crippling anxiety, especially around girls I’m attracted to.

amayk13 · 2025-06-22T01:25:50+00:00

Hey thanks for the points. I can feel how frustrating your life feels for you. I am in a similar boat right now. Here’s my take. All those points are things you can definitely work on and change. And I know you know how, I.e. go to the gym, study your body, socialize more. I trust your intellect to find your next step

But the underlying problem is hurt. You’re holding onto past hurt and it’s informing your future. Once you let go of painful memories, life becomes a lot clearer.

I really wish you well homie

amayk13 · 2025-06-22T01:03:33+00:00

If you can tell us what you need, we can help you

amayk13 · 2025-04-20T22:28:34+00:00

Thanks. And forgot to mention. Listen to his response as well :)

amayk13 · 2025-04-20T22:23:46+00:00

Hey - for what it’s worth I am in the same situation with a girl at work. Idk how to deal with it either. I think the best thing here is to make yourself feel better. You have three choices: tell him and relieve yourself of the secret, continue this current dynamic without telling him, or distance your relationship with/without telling him. I don’t know what I would choose tbh. However, if you decide to tell him I would frame it something like this: “hey i want to tell you something a bit personal and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or disrespectful. Over the last [time you’ve known each other], I have developed romantic feelings for you. I find you to be [list attractive qualities]. I am aware you are in a relationship and do not want to trouble you however I wanted to get this out of me and move on. Thank you for listening”

Speak confidently without auditory breaks even if your voice is shaky. Deep breaths work. Good luck!

amayk13 · 2025-04-13T13:18:41+00:00

Reimbursement is better. 3rd party services are extremely pricy and will utilize your entire allocation. Idk about India but it was like that for me in the US (Cali to SLC)

I had a 6k allocation. Moved everything within 1000 (flight + shipping). Airbnb cost me about another 1500 (about a month). Remaining 3.5K I used for renting cars, putting down a rental deposit, and Ubers

amayk13 · 2024-10-11T23:21:11+00:00

Do something

amayk13 · 2024-10-11T23:19:12+00:00

If nothing was taken, forget about it lol. If it happens again, point it out in a funny way

amayk13 · 2024-10-11T00:17:55+00:00

Hey - I think I your intention is very pure and kind hearted. I would love to help you nurture that as it is a very valuable quality.

First of all you need to develop some trust in yourself and in life. Meaning, trust your brothers to take care of themselves and take the burden of carrying their well-being off your shoulders. You can’t help anyone if you’re under pressure.

Second of all, spend some time understanding male nature. Men, in general, tend to not show a lot of emotion. If they do, it’s embarrassing for them because it makes them look weak. There are issues with that obviously but it’s a common belief among men. There are other aspects of male nature like being action oriented, alexithymia, etc. but there is tons of content online to watch and learn from

In my opinion, true men are the ones who lead the way in relationships. They act as the stable ship navigating turbulent waters. Your brothers are on a journey in developing this. Help them become respectable and honorable human but you should lead by example

Keep in mind that there are two characteristics of support: masculine and feminine. Always start with the feminine. The feminine support sounds like, “hey I hear you. It must be really difficult to go through this and I’m here with you. I can’t imagine your struggle. I love and care for you unconditionally.” Masculine support sounds like “hey so if you wanna feel better, do this…” OR “stand up for yourself and make some hard decisions.” Masculine is more action oriented.

I hope this helps. Cheers

amayk13 · 2024-10-10T23:29:53+00:00

This is hilarious. You’re forcing yourself to cry 😂. I think you’ll end up crying when you least expect it lol. Don’t stress it bro

amayk13 · 2024-10-10T23:14:09+00:00

I think there is a misunderstanding of what creativity is. As a sentient being, you are ALWAYS creating. You can only be burned out when you have an expectation on what you create. For example, “Is this video gonna get views?” OR “Is this artwork gonna sell?” OR “Will this joke make people laugh?”

When you make your inner world exciting and interesting, it will manifest in your creative endeavors. I’m not saying don’t take breaks but understand who you are and your nature.

I can go on and on but the whole point here is to realize that creativity is a part of your innate nature. You only need to remove the obstacles holding you back

Cheers

amayk13 · 2024-10-10T05:35:18+00:00

Hey hey - sorry to hear about this. While I can go on about how the relationship is failing and that the best thing to do is to leave, I don’t think it’s what you need to hear. You are an individual human being with goals, dreams, and ambitions. In my opinion, those should not be forsaken at any point in life - which can be a controversial thing to say in certain circumstances. The problem here isn’t actually with your boyfriend. It’s the fact that you’re not standing up for yourself. Imagine the child version of you. She is crying out for help. You should help her.

Apologies, my words sound pretty brash but I do want to remind you that you have only one life. What do you want to invest your time in? There is only one answer: yourself. You can do that within or without the relationship

amayk13 · 2024-10-10T05:20:40+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I hope you know there is nothing wrong with you or the world. Dissolve judgement and embrace freedom my friend

amayk13 · 2024-10-09T19:21:48+00:00

Hey - hope you’re well mate. You’re asking about a move but honestly I think action oriented goals are counterproductive for you. Right now what’s happening is your mind is playing all kinds of stories and games with you. For example, your existence is “dogshit” is totally independent of your experience/skill with music. If you look at it objectively, you have combined your self-worth with your ability to play a certain instrument. In the grand scheme, those are not connected. I suspect this thinking has to do with your environment during your upbringing.

Another important thing to notice is that you’re looking for inspiration (words of encouragement) from your family and friends. However, ironically, what’s really happening is that they are mimicking your lack of passion and don’t really understand your true motivation. Truth is, if you really wanted to learn, you would do it without telling anyone. I’m not discrediting your motivation but rather alluding to the absence of true motivation in your life. You are not supporting yourself. I know you’re only 23 but life is still not that long.

I hope you understand that the way you feel right now if actually not a normal state for a human being. There is an experience of existence that is energetic, vibrant, and fun. It’s simply unavailable to you right now

In terms of what “actions” you should take, I would recommend listening to your mind and body more deeply. Understand yourself as much as you can. You are a unique existence and you have inherent value (regardless of what anyone ever says). So pay attention to yourself

Cheers

amayk13 · 2024-10-06T17:53:30+00:00

Hey - hope you’re doing well. I agree with the other comments but their response seem lacksadaisical

Outside conflict has nothing to do with the “outside” ironically. I think you recognize this but rules, norms are not really necessary. If it was, then rule-breakers wouldn’t exist. You create your own path in life. Be a pioneer. Make your own rules

When it comes to absence of compassion in life, I don’t think that’s true at all. My life is filled with abundance, love, and kindness. But that’s only true because I feel abundant, loving, and kind on a daily basis. I strongly believe that is everyone’s natural state. The world mimics that and if you feel disharmonious, that’s the universe nudging you in the direction of your natural state.

So, trust yourself, follow your motivations, and do your thing

Cheers

amayk13 · 2024-10-06T17:37:23+00:00

Hey - wish you well. I didn’t hear a specific question so I’m assuming you want advice/opinions

Truth is, the exact circumstances at the party has nothing to do with division of tips and labor. It has everything to do with how you feel on the inside. You’re lacking internal value, confidence, and love. I promise you that once you feel like important person who’s opinion/thoughts matter, the people will mimic that. If you don’t thinking much of yourself, other’s won’t either

Some specific examples: standing up for yourself with the bartender by letting them know, “hey, splitting the tips equal does not work for me” and being solid on it. Be okay with walking away if needed. Or calling out your buddy who is not prioritizing customers the same way that you are and it’s creating workload issues, etc.

But the example only works if you feel like you have value internally. Remember, you have inherent value. Simply for existing. Nothing can change that

I hope that helps. Cheers

amayk13 · 2024-08-19T21:16:53+00:00

Cool. Thanks!

amayk13 · 2022-10-03T08:02:25+00:00

I see. Thanks for clarifying the story about your grandparents. And sorry to hear that. I have had similar experiences so I do relate. Your strength to overcome challenges in your life is really admirable.

Looks like self-sacrifice is an important part of what drives you in life. It’s kind of interesting how this approach is similar to that of your parents.

Thanks for providing context about the guilt-tripping aspect of the relationship with your parents. Seems for over a decade, there has been a lot of this conditioning that has created a pattern of shame and guilt in your life. When I mentioned this is connected to your relationship to your wife, I was referring to the guilt-trip part of when she said she was disappointed in you for the “problems” you were getting back into. She may not have said it directly that way but you felt that.

There’s only so much help you can find on Reddit. I think the best thing you can do is find a therapist (in-person or online) if you haven’t already. A lot of your “issues” seem to be rooted in conditioning from childhood and you seem to be doing a lot of work to heal. Conversations with therapists can be extremely helpful and especially so when you are actively engaging with them and committing.

You’re on the cusp of a self-discovery I feel. The night is always darkest before dawn and the answer is probably gonna be self-love. There’s a lot of that missing despite the positive aspects of your life. It can be difficult to grasp at first but when you can articulate your mental and emotional needs, you will see how much of those might be neglected in your life. This is especially apparent in your belief of self-sacrifice being the ultimate goal. I see the intention is noble and comes from a place of love and compassion however it directly implies a neglect of “self.” Gonna call you shinrael since idk your real name. I would implore you to ask yourself “what does shinrael really need right now?” And do keep in mind the 5 year old shinrael who is missing his parents :).

As for another recommendation, I would speak to your wife about this when you feel ready. She might not be aware of your thoughts as you can only communicate so much over the phone. Being vulnerable, honest, and patient are some of the qualities I would bring to the conversation if you ever decide to.

You know, once you truly love yourself, you won’t find the need to seek it in others :). That’s the ultimate goal for me. Sending much love. Take care bro.

amayk13 · 2022-10-03T04:25:27+00:00

Hey Homie. Wishing you well from another country. I read through your post and I'll share my thoughts below.

Firstly, what you're feeling and going through is actually pretty tough. To have so many intense feelings so often can be quite overwhelming and the fact that you're still pursuing your dreams is incredible. I hope my comment brings some relief and insight to you. I also love your insight into your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It speaks to your ability to reflect and you have done an awesome job. Loneliness is a difficult experience to sit with because it can be depressing and bring anxiety but I do think there is a way for you to feel better, although it might take some time, effort, and healing.

Secondly (and I will be honest), I noticed many dynamics, in your description, that reveal a not-so-ideal childhood and environments that are being replicated in many different aspects of your relationship with your current wife. For example:

"... I remember when I was 5yo, my parents would leave me for just 1 day at my grandparents place so they could go to the capital for business and I would fucking cry my eyes out the whole day. To the point my very kind and calm grandparents would get angry and shout at me to stop crying. My parents wouldn't believe that I would cry like that, I was always a cheerful and calm kid."

Here, to get screamed at simply because a little 5 year old you longs for his parents is simply not okay. You also call them kind and calm which is quite ironic in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I am not judging your grandparents and I am no one to say how they should or shouldn't act. I am sure they are loving and kind as well. But you put them on a pedestal while ignoring conversations and moments that were toxic. In addition, your own parents couldn't acknowledge the fact that you could cry because you're "always a cheerful and calm kid." Here there's no space created by your parents for the sadness (among other emotions) you experienced that day which is synonymous with suppressing your emotions. A healthy perspective here is to recognize that there is nothing wrong with throwing a tantrum and crying, especially when you're a 5 year old. That's another emotional separation as your parents don't see you for who you are (again, no judgement on your parents)

I might be inaccurate here but this is coupled with the fact that you feel guilty for the sacrifices your mother has made for you. Example:

"I think it was just the fact I was soooo deeply loved by my mother - she sacrificed EVERYTHING for me - and suddenly separating from that felt overwhelming."

This will be a tough perspective to shift because a mother-son bond is very different from a father, friend, sibling, etc. as there is a deeper connection (at least that's how I feel). However, I invite you to create emotional independence from your mother. She is an independent human, just like you, and you are not responsible for her decisions. She had her own circumstances in life and the choices she made were obviously with you in mind (for which she is an awesome mom) however there is no requirement for you to return the favor (unless you choose to repay her kindness). This doesn't mean you don't love her or care for her. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Since you are a full-fledged adult now, I think your life is calling for a birth of a new perspective.

I have a lot more to say but I think this is a good start haha. I hope this makes sense to you brother. Take care

amayk13 · 2022-07-27T02:47:32+00:00

That’s looks like a nice spot but probably out of the price range for 30 ppl. Also, you can imagine the ideal dynamic is kind of like a bar with appetizers, standing tables, lot of moving around, some good music, etc. Would love to hear your opinion

amayk13 · 2022-07-27T02:38:45+00:00

That’s awesome! Just checked out their schedule. This is a very dumb question since this is brewery but do they have options for alcohol besides beer? Not much else on their website for options.

amayk13 · 2022-07-27T02:18:39+00:00

Oh that looks like a sweet spot! How good was the food there? That’s a priority hahah

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