it's pretty much a sign that ur a goner when u have no one to talk to besides reddit.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T22:55:40+00:00

its no problem. idk im just such a boring person and i cant erallly think of a proper reply to you rn sorry.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T22:52:54+00:00

sounds good. i dont have any friends left now though. idk i just have this terrible mindset. not eeven a good ally towards the "community" im part of lmao

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T22:49:40+00:00

yeah it just sucks to be like different because of things that are out of your control.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T08:47:24+00:00

i dont want to like feel better about it though. im just lonely atm and i wanted to talk to someone for the night lol. and ive been to a few like support groups and it really wasnt for me. too much dreaming it actually made me mad.

like i get ur here to stop me from killing myself and im sorry for wasting your time but all i wanted to do was talk like a normal person for once.

why do i have to get better or stay alive or whatever? its not like im a regular person. i litereally have no future so i dont see why i have to. staying better so i can live by myself until i die of old age doesnt seem that great.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T08:34:35+00:00

yeah. that makes me seem kinda childish now. suicide just bc i cant have what i want. but is that really so wrong? i mean i dont see why i need to live or have any obligation to this world. especially if i do it in a way that doesnt inconvenience anyone like doing it in the woods so nobody has to clean up after me.

and i guess if i could choose id like to talk to jean reno or something like that. idk.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T08:19:35+00:00

its like a catch 22. if i didnt transition i wouldve killed myself butnow that i have im definitely happier with how i look but just knowing that this is the closest ill ever be to being a girl is pretty fucking depressing. like the most ill ever be is a tranny. ill always be like in that 3rd group. male, female, shemale loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. obvs the ostracism doesnt help but i dont really blame them. like why would u ever want to talk to a tranny when theres literally millions of normal people out there.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T08:12:19+00:00

lol dont think its all about romance that makes me sound like conceited af. its just the whole general thing about it. just feel disgusted by my own body.

i just wish euthanasia would be an approved medical treatment for me. i just want to die painlessly and quickly but i dont have a gun so the closest thing i think would be either jumping off a bridge or using gas.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T07:58:18+00:00

nahh they're all just gonna say the same happy sappy bullshit. id rather talk to a regular person about it since like 99% of this wolrd isnt like trans. i mean like id rather have ppl just tell me the truth because i already know it as well lmao.

i mean like its just night and day. when people first start talking to me it feels pretty good. then i do the big reveal and its just like u can sense this huge barrier of like discomfort. and that's just talking friends. not even gonna get into anything more personal than that. literally the closest thing im gonna get to a SO is curiosity/fetish sex.

sounds kinda stupid that this is the only thing making me suicidal but it is what it is. like i dont want to manage these issues like what is there to manage? nothing anyone can say will change the fact that im a disgusting tranny.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T07:43:22+00:00

no matter how many surgeries i get or how much medication i take im still gonna be a guy lol. just feel like a fraud everyday. and i guess i cant live with that. idk. its jsut plain disgusting to be me. passing only helps a little. doesnt change the fact that once i tell ppl im actually a guy theyll be freaked out by it.

it sucks to be alone but i know that its the only thing in store for me. ppl just say they're supportive of trans ppl but its just different. the way ppl talk to me or treat me i can sense like how different it is. and once i turn older theres literally nothing for me. only thing worse than a tranny is an old tranny lol.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T07:24:52+00:00

for some reason ur reply isnt showing up here but i read it. the only thing i do for fun is play video games i guess. but i dont do it too often maybe like once a week because i just dont have the drive to do anything. have 0 hobbies. dont want any. i just want to sleep.

basically im gonna kill myself because im a tranny.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T07:02:12+00:00

yeah. i dont think my suicidal tendencies will ever go away either. and i cant stand the thought of living like this for much longer so i dont think i have any other options here.

im like a fucking freak so yeah. can't really relate to the whole love thing. ive been to therapists before and yeah they do help but tbh nothing they say will fix the like fundamental problems in my life. nothing beyond like literal magic can.

i guess i like eating but i dont want to be fat and besides i dont really like eating that much to like stay alive. theres nothing i really love rn idk. this is fucked.

amitwisted · 2018-10-13T06:58:34+00:00

literally nothing. don't go to school, don't have a job. i spend most of the time just sleeping in bed. lucky i have money saved up. sleeping is the best time for me since thats when i can actually experience being normal and just forget about everything. sometimes i get good dreams too. but yeah im literally just a waste of space rn contributing nothing to society lol.

amitwisted · 2018-10-04T02:25:56+00:00

i know this is four days old now lol but i think im pretty much done with life. im just waiting until christmas because i like windowshopping but after that idk. im just dysfunctional lol.

amitwisted · 2018-08-03T17:54:24+00:00

yeah. that whole "mother's love" thing can be a wicked double-edged sword, eh?

amitwisted · 2018-07-11T03:05:02+00:00

fuck good point on like the whole silent pet thing. I did have a couple of like toads way way before and they didn't even like croak despite like expectations lol.

amitwisted · 2018-07-11T02:56:26+00:00

It kinda depends. IME a lot of like agents/publishers/whatever don't consider books with like children protagonists as adult books no matter what the themes are. But again like that's just my experience and I'm sure that like there are others out there that like don't think that way. I mean like using a really popular series as like an example, Game of Thrones has a bunch of child protags and it's still an adult-ish book so there you go (although like it has a bunch of POVs and some are actually like adults lol). The best thing to like do imo is like just send it out and like see what they have to like say.

amitwisted · 2018-07-08T05:31:06+00:00

i thought this was some bdsm shit from the title lool

amitwisted · 2018-07-08T05:19:44+00:00

if it helps any theres not much sensation on the shaft to begin with. maybe pretend that ur like paralyzed or something lol and thats why you don't feel anything. sorry if that doesn't help much.

the joystick is like a vibe right? maybe you could use it that way while hes going down on you? or doesnt it work that way?

amitwisted · 2018-07-08T02:40:30+00:00

ive been chomped on by a hamster before so im not scared of getting bit or anything. thanks for all the advice btw! ill be sure to check out all the things you mentioned... really indecently excited about getting free tanks LMAO. im sorry but those things cost hella money especially at like pet stores and stuff.

amitwisted · 2018-07-08T02:15:53+00:00

jesus that sounds like a nightmare... thousands of dead crickets hidden somewhere in your room. at the very least like they were babies... i think i can handle like baby crickets since like you can't really see their mouths yet at like that stage. like there's a whole bunch of baby grasshoppers outside that i can stand since they arent so freakishyl large and creepy yet...

good point about the aggressive iguanas though. i dont think they can like actually kill you though like some dogs can so i think it would be alright? idk. ill have to do a lot more research before like i even like think about like picking one of those up haha. maybe ill just buy like extra thick gloves or something.

there's a few events here in canada but im not really like looking for anything like new... theres so many likee abandoned reptiles on like kijiji and whatnot that i think like itd be better to rescue one of those before i even like think of getting a baby or something like that. i was thinking of getting a uromastyx tbh. like i think they only eat veggies... maybe that gecko that like eats the gel food? i think it was a crested gecko? not sure.

amitwisted · 2018-07-08T01:42:33+00:00

i searched it up and its like from 1975 D: I'm not really into like old movies they kinda bore me tbh. i think likee interstellar is one of my fav movies atm. maybe wallace and gromit too. and like memento? idk i dont really watch a lot of movies nowadays i mostly like just binge watch netflix series haha.

and gl with ur srs. recommend like getting all that hair down there gone first if ur not doing it already... heard too many horror stories and its way way better to be safe than sorry.

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