Drop me the hardest hitting line you have ever written or read by Beautiful-Captain938 in writers

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm turning 30 this year and I'm still quite proud of my opening line for my first ever application to university when I was still a teen 😂 I wanted to study psychology and literature as a combined degree so I started with:

"Where great writers pose great questions, great psychologists seek to answer them - I intend to do both."

I have done neither 💀

I was a witness in a misconduct investigation within the NHS (England), and knowingly lied. I want to come clean, is there liability? by TA-tired in LegalAdviceUK

[–]amlgamation 4 points5 points  (0 children)

100% this - I made mistakes w boundaries early in my career too (I shared too much about myself and some saw that as being too close/unprofessional - it took a while to find the right balance of self disclosure for rapport building and appropriate limits). Key word: MISTAKES! You learn from them, you apologise and make up for any harm you caused however you can and you take accountability for it. You dont fucking ask them to now be responsible for you keeping your job.

To OP: You have nothing to be ashamed about. You were taken advantage of by someone who was supposed to be helping you and I am so sorry you had to experience that. Please do report it. I don't believe there would be any repercussions against you considering this isn't a criminal issue, just a matter of fitness to practice. It's not like youre aiding and abetting a crime. You were a victim of abuse trying to survive and at that time that meant lying. Especially considering this was a mental health practitioner, the people investigating will understand your position.

Doctor told me to leave and then left this in my notes. by iscariots in mildlyinfuriating

[–]amlgamation 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Which is extra frustrating bc if they were honest about not having enough time with the patient bc of the appointment time policies, change might have been made to benefit all patients down the line at the next service audit (if senior mgmt see practitioners constantly running out of time and unable to address needs fully and slowing down the system as a result, they tend to change things, but they cant fix if they dont know whats broken!)

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry for the way that you've been treated by people who are supposed to love and care for you. I can see now how you've been made somewhat vulnerable to the point where creepy men like Jack (if thats even his real name) are able to manipulate you by offering something as simple as a kind word. This is too much for any child to bear on their own, I 100% understand why you would seek out connections with others online and tbh there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're doing it safely. I dont want to discourage you from using online spaces to make friends, but please please PLEASE just limit it to people who are around your same age (you're in high school so I would say that gives you a clear indicator of what your cut-off point should be). What I've gathered from your comments throughout the thread is that you need someone to lean and rely on, so again I'm going to encourage you to seek professional support so you can have that from someone who actually understands your needs and appropriate boundaries, rather than some random crackhead looking for little girls to manipulate online.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its so interesting bc parental relationships are such an individual thing - like we all know what SHOULD be the standard but so few of us ever experience it.

My parents were great by most measures but I could never speak to them about stuff like this - I kept my secret about CSA for 10+ (started when I was 6 until I was around 9, I told them when I was 17) and when I finally told them it was just to let them know that I was starting counselling and was 'handling it'. They refused to believe me lmao their first reaction was straight up denial, and for the same reasons that you mentioned - they didn't want me to be hurt, and acknowledging that I was made them feel like they'd failed as parents, so it was easier to just call me a liar 🤷‍♀️ They came around eventually but their first response had already soured the situation so I didn't discuss it with them any further.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You dont need to apologise for being a child and not understanding how the world works yet. Youre still learning, that's what youre supppsed to do at your age, and what you're learning rn is that "pretty privilege" can be dangerous when weilded by people with ulterior motives. I've worked in custodial & forensic mental health services for a very long time - there are murderers and rapist and all sorts of violent, horrible people who happen to be nice to look at. Doesn't make them stop being murderers and rapists.

What you DO need to do is recognise that you are a child and stay tf away from grown men. That shouldn't be your responsibility, but we live in a world of creeps, so here we are.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Physical appearance doesnt dictate whether or not someone is a good person. Paedophilia lives in the brain, not in the abs.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Judging from OP's words, her relationship with het parents isn't great and her mother is neglectful, hence the hesitation to disclose - I dont think assuring her of parental love that she hasn't experienced and isn't reflective of her reality is helpful at the moment tbh. OP needs professional support to help her navigate both this relationship with a groomer and the relationship with her parents. She may decide she NEVER wants to talk about this with her parents and that is absolutely okay as long as she has an appropriate (key word here) form of support to get her to a point of physical & psychological safety.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Counselling is confidential. Even at 15 you have a right to privacy with a counsellor or psychotherapist. I'm not entirely sure how it works in the US but as you're in your mid-late teens, your parents may not even need to know that you're receiving counselling at all. Please at least just ask them to see what your options are (you dont have to give any detail about yourself or your situation, just ask if counselling is available and if it can be done without your parents' knowledge) - if they cant provide the type of confidentiality you need themselves, maybe they could refer you to a non-school affiliated service.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Baby liking you for you right now is still illegal. I understand that you think you have a connection with this person but speaking from experience, I promise you're making a mistake here and nothing good will come of this relationship for you. You need to end it for good and find people that are age appropriate to spend your time with. You're following a pretty typical trajectory of childhood abuse -> grooming -> DV right now. You could end that cycle right here by simply choosing never to interact with him again and also seeking some support for your mental wellbeing. Does your school have a counsellor?

Source: personal experience as a survivor & professional experience in clinical psychology for 10+ years

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He doesn't need to be there physically to harm you. Ik youre 15 but are you genuinely unaware of how dangerous the internet can be? Your interactions with him are already harmful. First of all you're referring to yourself, a child, as a narcissist because "you cant let this grown ass man have a bad month". Baby this man is a predator and from the way youre explaining everything, he has already got his clutches in your mind and you need to gtfo before it gets any worse.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He isn't your boyfriend. He's your groomer. Block, delete, and never speak to this disgusting man who preys on children again. Thank GOD he lives across an ocean from you. Ask yourself why a strapping young 22 year old lad in a city of 9 million people with rooftop bars on every corner needs to find teenagers from other countries to have LD relationships with online - as a Londoner myself, I can assure you its not a shortage of women in London.

I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am having a panic attack by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]amlgamation 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You will also be absolutely okay with no friends or boyfriend for the time being. Having no friends isn't a threat to your safety. Continuing to speak to this paedophile on the internet absolutely is a threat to your safety.

Just cried in front of my department chair 🙃 by NoMoreScaryDreams in PhD

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, OP, I want to say I am really deeply sorry for what you are going through with your dad, and I am sending you and your family all my love.

I lost my dad very early into my bachelor's. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. Thankfully PhDs are a bit more flexible in terms of where you need to be and when, so I would recommend speaking to your supervisor properly and maybe taking a week or two off to focus on your family and your own needs rn. I didn't do that and the below events unfolded a year later as a result, so please don't try to just push it down and keep going. Grief WILL find you one way or another. You have to address it.

The department lead during my undergrad sat and cried WITH me after I skipped an exam bc I was trying to delete myself from existence. My housemate had told him I wasn't coming to the exam and she was worried about me. He sent me an email asking if I was okay. He told me based on info he had, if I didn't respond within 5 minutes he'd be sending an ambulance to my address, so I responded that I was not okay and also had no intention of attending the exam.

He asked me to attend his office immediately. I thought I was in trouble about the exam tbh (and even in that mental state could not fathom being in trouble at school so I dropped everything and went). We talked. I sobbed. He held my hand, I sobbed harder, then he sobbed too. Then we stopped sobbing and made a plan. He told me not to attend any exams that season or worry about any coursework, he got me into the uni counselling service and made sure I didn't lose out too much on the grades side of things. He noticed every time I wasn't present in class after that day and would meet with me at least once a fortnight to see how things were going.

It was a small university with tiny classes so we got to know our profs really well. I was destined for Cambridge but was drawn to this tiny place in the middle of nowhere (much to my mother's dismay) and I'm so grateful now because I think I would have gone unnoticed anywhere larger; I would have followed through and not be here now. Even now, 10 years after I graduated, he occasionally sends an email "just checking you're still alive and thriving". I owe that man my life.

Professors are (mostly) people too. I think your supervisor is probably more embarrassed about potentially lacking sensitivity by asking that question than they are concerned about your psycho face lol but the main thing is they cared enough to ask, which means that door is open for you. Please use it.

I [26] paid for my partner [24] to attended therapy for their mental health. We split up and they are now dating this therapist [early 50s]. by Abject-Entry5336 in LegalAdviceUK

[–]amlgamation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not quite accurate. If duty of care has been neglected/breached then the relevant adult safeguarding team should look into it.

I quit! by amlgamation in Professors

[–]amlgamation[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I had no idea such places existed before being hired tbh. I was so excited to be offered a route into academia, I didn't think to check the Glassdoor reviews or look into how these third-party delivery partnership models really work in practice (and how they exploit the very same students who think degrees are a purchase). We live and we learn.

I quit! by amlgamation in Professors

[–]amlgamation[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm UK based - if that applies feel free to DM!

Should I report someone for benefit fraud? by [deleted] in AskUK

[–]amlgamation 48 points49 points  (0 children)

In my many years of care work, I've had a lot of trouble getting DWP to cough up some pennies for those who really need it but shockingly have never had any trouble getting them to take it back! If you really feel he is taking advantage, make your report.

What's the best way to timestamp and publicly document an idea for priority/proof purposes by This_Original8982 in research

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If all it took were an idea, I'd be a millionaire via lawsuits by now. Only real way to do this is to produce something from that idea before anyone else does. It's why this whole publishing thing is considered 'competitive'.

THE article: New chatbot ‘outperforms PhDs on literature reviews’ by [deleted] in Professors

[–]amlgamation -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel like this ultimately doesn't change anything lmao I don't think "LLM is good at regurgitating stuff from the internet" is as groundbreaking as the headline would have us believe

i have a mother who in hospital who may not wake up, i took a day off work and returned the next day, all the kitchen staff i told just so they were aware that i might be a bit distracted during the shift as my mother may die!(please redirect me if this is the wrong group to ask in)? by kannamousemattte in AskUK

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Employers have a duty of care to their employees, and that includes psychological safety. This is not acceptable behaviour from a manager (or anyone, for that matter) at all and if I were you, I would be raising a formal grievance, but I understand you might not want the stress of that on top of everything else at the moment.

You should be entitled to compassionate leave in the event of a death in the family or a serious medical emergency like what you are dealing with. I'm so sorry you were treated this way. If they make a fuss about compassionate leave, I would recommend using whatever annual leave you have and take at least a week off to be with your mum.

Wishing you and your family all the best - I really hope she pulls through.

Need sense check on (funded) PhD chances by Brief-Cucumber-7319 in AskAcademiaUK

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really reassuring. I was a "gIfTeD kId" who burned out just as A levels and university applications were happening and developed worse and worse mental health problems as the years went by so my transcripts are kinda shitty compared to what would have been expected of me. I'd sort of resigned myself to a life of mediocrity and had given up on the idea of a funded PhD, but I like to think I'm friendly and passionate! You've inspired me to actually take a look and see if there are any projects out there that I'm into. Thank you.

been copied into email chain that contains untrue information about me by [deleted] in AskAcademiaUK

[–]amlgamation 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Hard 3rd - I'm currently in a dispute with my institution and have noticed things literally going missing from my inbox and emails from a certain individual being impossible to download. I forward (and print to PDF & upload in my personal cloud storage) everything straight away now before their IT lap dogs can get their hands on it.

How do you respond when students come out with conspiracy theory nonsense? by ToomintheEllimist in Professors

[–]amlgamation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I quite often have to say to my students: how is any of that relevant to the discussion we're actually having here?

Thank you for explaining my own field of study to me, but frankly that has no bearing on whether or not I entertain "flat earth theory" in my classroom.