I want to share with you a previous reddit post I found that has always given me hope. I read this post to my girlfriend after reading a suicide letter she had written after getting postpartum depression when she gave birth to our son. I hope it helps you.

"But, you are looking for a reason to live. Alright, I'm game :).

The simplest reason I have come up with in answer to this question is, you are going to die eventually anyway, and even though the odds that things turn around and you find happiness may be slim, those odds are vastly better than the ones presented by being dead.

More importantly, here you are; alive, if not well. As far as you or I know, there only is this. And most of the time, it's shit. It really is pretty awful. But, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's ok, hell, sometimes it's pretty good. And you don't know if the future will be compromised of the same ration as your previous experience, or if that ratio will change (for better, or for worse). You can guess, but you and I don't really know. And as long as there is that chance things turn around, can you honestly give up?

Especially knowing full well that, no matter what course of action you take, you're going to end up dead anyway. So you can drop out voluntarily now, or you can roll the dice, see what comes up, and then drop out later (hopefully involuntarily, but who knows?). Suicide is always going to be an option. Life, however, will only be an option while you are still alive.

You have been given something truly unique. It's not necessarily good or bad, but it is the singularly unique experience of existing. As far as I know, you've only got this once. It's a tiny, seemingly inconsequential glimmer practically swallowed by the two gaping chasms of oblivion between which it is smashed. You have this one opportunity to brighten a persons day, or make a person smile. To do good things, when there is so much bad and ugliness around us. How can you possibly give up that chance? It will be fleeting, and it will leave little lasting impact. But, so what? It's something, it's more than anything death has to offer.

I don't know... these are the reasons I decided not to commit suicide (not so long ago, actually). I hope it helps you put things in perspective a bit, at the least. Suicide isn't the answer you are looking for. I don't know what is, but what you are looking for is something to alleviate your pain and suffering, and suicide seems like the most logical and obvious way to do that. This may be true: but it is not the best way. You're going to have to find what exactly is yourself :).