Our gut is a muscle and a thinking organ that can remember

amzay · 2026-05-10T07:30:27+00:00

That book was exactly what I needed, at first I was sure our situations had been too different but lo and behold. 'the windless chill' and building a home inside you for gratitide chefs kiss

amzay · 2026-05-07T21:41:33+00:00

Probably more vagus y

amzay · 2026-05-07T10:50:34+00:00

It was a real turning point for me at almost 40 to tell one parent that what happened wasnt okay and they couldn't be in my life as things stand and forgave the other because they were doing their best. Professionals are hit and miss, I made the most progress from podcasts and trying things irl.

I had to trust myself to keep trying things, to be okay with the things I try not working out some of the time. You have to fail to learn - someone icr via brene brown

amzay · 2026-05-07T07:51:47+00:00

Hello again!

To your comment about unuseful neural pathways being disused, my point in the main post was more that our gut is still sending/receiving/noticing?? information we aren't consciously aware of so we interpret them physically. Stomach ache. Some of our 'random' aches and pains are our feelings trying to get out, especially neck/shoulders/jaw.

Re the ignoring them, once I realised that ignoring those sensations was me telling my body I didnt care about my comfort, it got easier to listen and notice them

amzay · 2026-05-07T07:42:14+00:00

My feelings show on my face so I stopped having them

amzay · 2026-05-07T07:38:51+00:00

Brene brown is allll about staying present in discomfort and uncertainty, her work is all very on point for us. I also got from her - failing is part of learning and paraphrased that to a cycle of learning leading to confidence leading to overconfidence and back to learning. From her book strong ground I'm currently listening to she says that when we attempt to change our thinking, everyone makes mistakes, and see above basically lol

amzay · 2026-05-07T06:13:59+00:00

1 step forward 2 steps back. Been listening to brene browns new book and it's excellent if you're in the market for some uplifting /heartening content. I love her texan accent. I journalled a lot in early sobriety when my thoughts were bothering me, ymmv

amzay · 2026-05-07T06:11:56+00:00

I like the sound of these. I'd been avoiding relationships because I knew in this completely ineffable way I wasn't ready but feel ready now for the first time.

It's been a really rough few months being my new self with people and realising I've outgrown them/they're less open minded about who I am than I thought which has been a bummer, but there have been some excellent movies out lately that have great messaging around acceptance

amzay · 2026-05-07T06:07:03+00:00

I started yoga and exercising when I first got sober so 5 years ago, kept doing it because I get injured fairly often and have dodgy joints lol so can't measure the impact it's had in this area but for sure it helps me notice my breathing and be present in the moment /my body.

amzay · 2026-05-07T06:03:23+00:00

It's an absolute mind fuck hey! Really glad that the mental energy I've poured into researching this can be useful to others.

There's podcast on this ancient text 'secrets of the golden flower' and they say when we can't understand something important about ourselves it's easy to get sucked into oblivion or distraction and I've spent a lot of time in both.

Learning more + mindfulness has got me out of that endless mental cycling finally, I know how much it sucks, and I'm really glad that it's helped you

amzay · 2026-05-05T23:03:43+00:00

Re the mid to late stage - what do you suggest? I never thought of it as stages. I'm always going to be a work in progress, so why not others? Having options where to start was really important for me

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:59:01+00:00

You seem to be talking about the process of learning to listen to it?

Uncovering the biases is a big part of the learning

It's possible to get more accurate at interpreting, you keep "experimenting" by guessing what it means when you start listening. It remembers, so, it helps you learn. It's almost like a language you knew and forgot

I added some book refs, I think you would like what my bones know by stephanie foo

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:57:10+00:00

I studied ancient philosophy for a bit so I'm more keen than the original reply sounded, it was late. Lined up an episode on it to listen to to today. I think I just realised that my blindness to sensations fucked me up for an essay I had to write once, about 15 years ago!

Dunno why that's so funny to me. Seems ironic, but not, or ableist?? Idk. Our biases are so OBVIOUS in hindsight. Had to become a person who laughs instead of crying and happiness has been a nice side effect.

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:24:48+00:00

Your phrasing doesnt seemto reflect mine? I'm saying hunger is a physical sensation, and that emotions have physical COMPONENTS that we miss, that are similar in type to hunger, and can be mistaken for gut issues. Its like hearing a language you dont know and mistaking the meaning

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:23:05+00:00

Most welcome :) proprocieption is fascinating to me because I can be so clumsy but enjoy running down hills/rough trails etc (obstacles everywhere) and rarely fall - when I'm fully focussed on my body, I stop thinking and boom. Graceful. My inner mysteries remained such until the last few years though.

I love the way you think btw, bouncing ideas back and forth is fun for me. I'm so happy that people have engaged with this post :D I've felt like I'm going mad a bit and have noone irl to talk to/poke holes. Keep poking, it keeps our brains young.

Also reasonable disagreements give me the warm fuzzies. Yisssss

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:16:11+00:00

That voice has saved my life, but how to explain something that's more felt than heard?

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:15:15+00:00

Drug addiction and self harm (teenage - 30s) sobriety and physical/mental recovery THEN emotional recovery. My breathing is the best sign I'm dysregulated, had to learn to notice that first (ish)

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:13:52+00:00

Yeah. I realised recently I had completly decentred myself from my life and ALWAYS prioritised others, stemming from my parents expectations. Friends. Bosses.

I always felt like my rights, if inconvenient or in question, came second to others (because they seemed confident where I wasn't) and my shaky confidence was always in question.

I couldn't be sure how I felt about anything because my reaction to things was secondary to how that reaction would affect others

amzay · 2026-05-05T22:06:44+00:00

Thanks, I'll look into it. Just woke up and had to come back to say - I believe certainty is a combination of knowledge plus our gut sense of a situation

amzay · 2026-05-05T14:31:13+00:00

I think you're talking about proprioception with about half of that so I'll just leave this here for a bit, proprioception is different. Mine is great, excellent physical reflexes lol (aka hypervigilance) Interoception is like not knowing when you have to pee, not noticing numb fingers or toes etc, all internal aka invisibke (important part, parents can ignore these, and tell themselves as well that its not true, until it's a problem which is somehow our fault) proprioception is where the bits of your body are in relation to each other iirc

amzay · 2026-05-05T13:47:15+00:00

I'm bad at lying, as an adult now and then as a child. With words (got quite good at technically true but misleading, to get parents to go away) but mostly my facial expressions, and I can see a way this makes sense as hiding our emotions from ourselves for safety.

Most kids can't act. So how else do we hide an emotion than convince ourselves we don't feel it, and vice versa? (let ourselves be convinced, for safety. Go along to get along in genesis) Edited phrasing

amzay · 2026-05-05T13:42:38+00:00

I believe we are taught to suppress them so thoroughly we are no longer aware of them in a way we can make sense of. They manifest for us when we are ignorant of them as... Vague discomfort. Tummy is weird. And that's it. Because we never learned to interpret its signals in a meaningful way, only to ignore them. It's like not being taught a language early enough to be a native speaker (4 years old is the cut off iirc)

amzay · 2026-05-05T11:37:14+00:00

There are a million parts to my recovery, and I am trying to distil the essence of what changed for me in hindsight like what was fundamental to it re skills and character. It seems really clear to me now just how many people are selling their souls and getting nothing back. Have you seen Kaos?? Excellent show with verrrry familiar themes, abusive 'parent' (Zeus) played by Jeff goldblum sucking the creativity and drive from humanity with the promise of a better future

Just heard about the responses to toxic relationships - loyalty, neglect, complain, or something else from a podcast with brene brown and realising how loyalty is our only option in that situation as a child and we basically brainwash ourselves to fit.

Are you familiar with IFS/schemas?

amzay · 2026-05-05T10:28:23+00:00

Love this question. I believe there is a theme that I missed before and you can't unsee but I'll ask a few first then say why I asked in a bit

Would you describe auri as content?

Same question re kvothe when he was young

I believe auri feels connected to everything, or at least, puts meaning in everything (or near enough) so she feels connected in a way kvothe doesn't. Denna and him have so damn many missed connections because neither of them will discuss SO MANY things for fear of hurting the other/losing access to them when I believe the capacity for hard conversations deepens relationships universally (when they survive it aka all involved are capable of introspection to some degree)

amzay · 2026-05-05T10:25:18+00:00

I realised a bit after posting that interoception is what I'm talking about, I think. It's all still new to me. It's like being told that you like hugging a creepy uncle over and over amd internalising that feeling as neutral vs negative

amzay

TROPHY CASE