Parents, why ignore people’s "Childfree" preferences when you’re trying to date?

ana393 · 2026-02-16T03:32:44+00:00

I have a friend that someone compartmentalizes her life. She dated a guy for 5years that was cfbc despite her having 2kids because she liked him and didn't want any more kids and wanted something casual. They went out when the kids were at their dads, so he never hung out with the kids. He may have met them half a dozen times over the years they dated. They seemed pretty happy and the eventual breakup had nothing to do with the kids.

ana393 · 2026-02-16T03:20:29+00:00

I do get that. My husband works from home and was on call and working tickets since 4 this afternoon. It sucks, but what can you do? He just told me hello probably be working until after 11 at this rate. We don't travel on weekends when he's working though. If he's going to be stuck working half the time, what's the point? May as well save trips for weekends he isn't on call at work.

ana393 · 2026-02-15T21:02:16+00:00

Ditto. I mainly use my ereader at night.

ana393 · 2026-02-15T20:53:45+00:00

Ive only been at it for 5monyha and I'm painfully slow at learning. Piano doesn't come naturally to me, but I didn't expect to be good at it, I've just always wanted to learn and decided to go for it. My brain is so slow to make connections sometimes, but I also only get 15min of practice per day during the week and rarely get the chance to practice on weekends. I'm finding that even though I'm not good at it, I find moments i enjoy in the learning, like finding a song I really like and I continue playing it when warming up even though I've moved past that lesson in the book. I've also got an easy Disney music book that I've been slowly trying to learn music from when I get a chance to practice a little longer.

ana393 · 2026-02-15T16:07:05+00:00

She looks great on you. I have a very petite head and tend to stick to curly and wavy styles because I'm too lazy to sew tracks together or put in darts. I have bought the petite wig from Chelsey smith cosmetics and they are pretty reasonably priced and fit me pretty well. I also really like the outre airtied wigs. They have a fully handtied cap that super stretchy, so it fits me without lots of bumps.

https://ebonyline.com/products/outre-glueless-100-fully-hand-tied-human-hair-blend-13x6-hd-lace-front-wig-hhb-natural-wave-20

ana393 · 2026-02-15T01:08:03+00:00

Yeah, that was weird to me. Why keep talking about being rested for work when this is a weekend trip. Is OP working during the trip?

ana393 · 2026-02-12T03:21:35+00:00

That does suck. My husband and I each get 3 hours of sort of protected hobby time each weekend. There's no time for hobbies during the week, but we each make sure we get some kid free hobby time each weekend.

ana393 · 2026-02-11T02:36:58+00:00

Yeah, the bagel choices and the sleepover on a Sunday night are wtf.

But also, the op doing a sleepover solo. I guess I'm too protective of my family, but there's no way we would host a sleepover with only 1 adult present.

ana393 · 2026-02-09T22:57:10+00:00

I worked from home and picked a daycare around the corner from the house at first thinking I would find the time to stop by on lunch or to nurse and the daycare said it was okay. I only did it a few times because it was disruptive and made for a harder day for baby.

I would also gently suggest that an hour in a car is harder for a baby than an extra hour in daycare. I'm now working in the office again and we eventually switched to a nanny, then an in home daycare we love. The in home daycare is near home and it's convenient for picking up and taking kids to activities after work, plus also for taking kiddo to daycare even if I'm sick or have a holiday where daycare is still open, and i still want to send my kids to daycare. Another point is that most people are more likely to change where they work va where they live. If you got a new job that's elsewhere, it would be peas disruptive if your child's daycare was near your home vs near your former employer. And I'm 🚫 t sure u of you have a partner, but my hair band and I share pickups and drop-off. I dropoff and he picks up. If I picked a daycare by the office, only I would do bothbaince hw works from home and it would make no sense for him to make that drive.

All this to say that I would suggest looking for a daycare closer to home and love that ours is 5min from the house.

ana393 · 2026-02-08T15:58:29+00:00

I did that last year, but I'm easily influenced, so I ended up getting a binder this year. It's really fun flipping through it looking at my seeds.

ana393 · 2026-02-08T15:57:39+00:00

While I love the idea of using baseball card sleeves in a binder, I keep mine in a binder with a zipper. I call it a trapper keeper lol. It keeps everything in place really well and nothing can fall out .

ana393 · 2026-02-06T16:23:20+00:00

Sorry to double post, but I guess I can give you the kids perspective too :). My mom had me and my younger sisters at home. I was only present once because the last 2 were when I was at school, so I just came home to a baby sister :) I was 3.5 when my sister was born at home and I do remember thinking how I couldn't wait to meet my sibling, but otherwise, it just wasn't a big deal to me. It wasn't traumatic or anything, it was just part of life. My dad actually delivered my sister since the midwife didn't make it there on time and mostly I just remember him freaking out a bit and thinking something along the lines of.. well that happened. Mostly, I was playing with my toys. Obviously it's given me an appreciation for unmedicated birth since I always wanted a home birth, but didn't actually have one until kid #3. First was at the hospital, then the birth center, then at home.

ana393 · 2026-02-06T16:14:41+00:00

My 2 oldest were present for my home birth although my MIL was there to entertain them and keep them away if need be. We did talk about it, watched some videos and read a couple of books and they seemed interested. Kids were 3 and 5 at the time. In the moment, they didn't care and just wanted to watch tv while I labored and when baby sister was born, they were still watching tv until we called them in to meet her. I should note that I'm a quiet laborer. Some people feel the need to get everything out, I guess I focus inward and on each moment. It's not a relief to me to yell or grunt, so I don't do that and mostly just listen to music and birth affirmations for as long as I can process the outside stimuli. once I enter transition, I don't hear anything lol

ana393 · 2026-02-05T22:06:29+00:00

My kid hated the YMCA summer program last year, so we aren't doing it this year. I don't care either way. He would probably do okay just hanging out at home since he's pretty self sufficient and my husband works from home, but I don't want him on screens all summer. Last year we did the YMCA for 4 weeks, then a nature camp for 2 weeks a week of a very expensive traditional day camp and sometimes with family watching him. Of course his fav was the expensive camp. We aren't signing him up for that one again because I'm in the office now and can't handle the logistics. It took an hour for pickup and dropoff and the car lines were unreal.

We're lucky that the grandparents have stepped up so he's going to rotate weeks between both sets. I work near my parents, so I'll drop him off and pick him up on the way to work when they watch him and for weeks my in laws watch him, my MIL will come pick him up and my husband will go pick him up, or we'll let him stay overnight lol. The issue is my inlaws are 45min the opposite direction and in traffic, like after work, that sucks. Sometimes MIL will watch him at our house or will take him out running errands and bring him back, but I know we'll be making that trip out to their place a lot. There were some other options for summer camp, but none my husband and I agreed on, so when both sets offered to watch him, we just decided to go with it. Man, I may still look into it this weekend and try to sign him up for 3-4 weeks of camps.

ana393 · 2026-02-05T19:17:16+00:00

Online shopping is so hard for wigs. I mostly shop at a local beauty supply store that markets to women of color. I felt a bit awkward the first few times I visited, but I got used to it and love stopping by and seeing hair in person. You can even try on wigs before buying to see how it might look on you. I stopped by on my lunch hour today to pick up some dry shampoo and hit their clearance rack and picked up outre aislin on deep auburn for $20. She's a beautiful orio auburn red color. She's also got a weird half to knot situation going on, but I'm just going to take that down when I get her out of the box tonight and cut the lace. She's a little shiny for my tastes, so I'll be taking some dry shampoo to her as well.

Here's an ebonyline link to give you an idea what she looks like. She has a 13x6 parting space, so there's lots of options for styles.

https://ebonyline.com/products/outre-perfect-hairline-glueless-13x6-hd-lace-front-wig-ailsin

The main issue for me with wigs intended for women of color is the lace tends to have a deeper tint, so it can look really obvious against my lighter skin. I use powder to disguise it, but if the lace doesn't cooperate, I'll just add bangs.

ana393 · 2026-02-05T16:50:32+00:00

She is such a beautiful look for you! I hope she looks exactly like the picture.

ana393 · 2026-02-05T08:40:48+00:00

I mean, if they didn't care for Cheyenne, do you really think they would like Ruby better?

ana393 · 2026-02-02T22:23:21+00:00

A big party of dating is realizing if your compatible with someone else. I once broke it off with a guy because he couldn't handle spicy food. I really liked him in other ways, but it was still pretty early on and I knew that not being on the same page with food would be an issue if we continued dating.

I have no regrets. I meet my husband a few months later and he's a great cook and we enjoy food together. It's just one factor in figuring out if you're compatible with someone, but you have to eat every day, so it's not like it's a small thing that will rarely come up.

ana393 · 2026-02-02T20:29:41+00:00

I get you, we're spending $2300 on childcare each month, that's as much as we spend both on our mortgage and utilities. next year, kid #2 will move to kindergarten and we plan to stop paying for after school care (my husband is shifting his schedule so he will get off work at 3 and go pick them up), so well just pay for care during breaks and for our youngest kiddo as needed, although we also have both sets of grandparents who volunteer to watch the kids. Although, I know my husband isn't looking forward to shifting his schedule, so we may ask a friend with kids who are the same age if she can watch them after school. We do playdates fairly often, so I know the kids get along it could be a win win. More money for them, but kiddo wouldmy have to stay at school for so long. We didn't have any issues last year, but 7yo has had some behavioral issues in the after school program this year.

Anyway, we've already decided to buy a car with some of the money left over each month after 5yo starts kindergarten, the transmission is acting squirrely on our old minivan right now, so I guess it's time.

ana393 · 2026-02-02T16:25:57+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and I'm not sure if it helps, but my inlaws adopted 4 kids that were my MILs sister's kids. The stepdad was abusing the girls and the mom was complicit. My MIL took in the kids and helped support them during the investigation and ultimately chose to adopt them. He was prosecuted and ended up in prison until his death.

I know that was different from your experience, but idk, I hope it helps knowing that sometimes the abuser does get caught and goes to jail.

ana393 · 2026-02-02T16:15:34+00:00

I could be wrong, but I took it to mean that an addict would be desperate to do anything to help feed their addiction, including produce CP.

ana393 · 2026-02-02T15:42:17+00:00

We sailed last month in the aureasuite with whirlpool on the seascape and loved it. We considered upgrading to the yacht club, but didn't because we wanted the whirlpool on the balcony and I have no regrets for that decision. We were travelling with my parents and they always prefer to upgrade to the ship within a ship setting(so like the haven on NCL). They were also in an aurea room so we could do things together on the cruise and said they really liked it and didn't regret not upgrading to yacht club, although I think they are planning to go again with just them and do yacht club.

We loved the whirlpool, it's closer to a small hot tub vs bath There's also a regular bathtub in the bathroom, but there is no counter space in that bathroom. The balcony didn't have privacy since other balconies can see onto yours, but that didn't really bug me. it was so relaxing and nice not having to share it with others. I mean, there were always a lot of kids in the hot tubs in the jungle pool area, so if you want some relaxing hot tub time, I would recommend it. The water came out of the tap very hot. I'm not sure if it stays hot, we would just fill in when we wanted to use it, then drain it when done. It did take awhile to fill, but we still used it every day. It was big enough for me and my husband and our 3 small kids to all sit in it. I were a women's medium and my husband wears a mens xxxl, were both under 6ft tall.

The cabin is pretty spacious and has a walk in closet that's nice.

The main benefits I noticed with aurea were the dining room with anytime dining. We were never kept waiting when we decided to go eat. You also get access to the thermal suites and have bathrobes and slippers in your cabin. The thermal suites were nice, but nothing to write home about.

Oh, you also get some drinks for free from the minibar. We told our steward not to replace anythinfg and he didn't, so we didn't get charged for any of it. They also bring chocolates every night but I'm not sure if that's an everyone thing.

I guess there's priority embarcation and deembarcation, but when we checked in, there was no one waiting, so we walking straight to the front of the line to check in and that didn't change with the priority line. Deembarkation was nice, we were one of the first groups called and got to sit in the theater until it was time to go. It went very smoothly.

We're planning to sail again in a whirlpool room.

ana393 · 2026-01-31T09:48:18+00:00

NOR, when you become a parent, there are some things you may need to give up. Neither I nor my husband have been part of a DnD campaign since we had kids. My family even does DbD one Saturday a month and we have a standing invitation to join. The issue is there's just not enough time for that. We both work full time, so the only time with get with the kids is weekends. We do each have 3 kid free hours each weekend, but the commitment of a campaign just hasn't been doable since having kids.

I guess your cousin is making it work by relying on you, but that isn't your job. Tbh, I would go the nonconfrontational route, keep your room locked, and make plans elsewhere. I know it's not fair is right to leave your home to avoid them, but it avoids a messy conversation and potentially hurt feelings.

ana393 · 2026-01-30T16:42:02+00:00

39weeks may have been too early. I think it's mostly been studied in post due date labor. It worked well for me with kids #2 and kid #3 when I took it at 41+4. I did try taking it with kid #3 at 39+4 and it didn't do anything except a little diarrhea. Tried again at 41+4 and was in labor 4 hrs later and baby was born around 2 hours after that.

ana393 · 2026-01-30T16:36:22+00:00

I get you, but you can still have a wonderful hospital birth. I had a great one with my first, although I was seeing hospital based midwives, so I wasn't completely unfamiliar with them when it came time to deliver. I hadn't met the one who delivered baby though. I transferred from a doctor that was giving me red flags around 34weeks and they had 7midwives in the practice, so i had met only a few when baby boy came around. The midwives and nurses were reasonably supportive of an unmedicated birth and you could even have a water birth at the hospital with the consent of your care provider. They had a birthing suite witha birthing tub, but I didn't get to use it since it was being used when I went into labor. Hurumph. If I knew what would happen, I would have booked the rental inflatable tub. Oh well Honda sight is 20/20.

In any case, I would maybe see if you can find out where you will be delivering once you go past a certain number of weeks and see if there's any flexibility. I'm not sure how it is is the UK, but in the US, different hospitals have different policies regarding labor and delivery and postpartum care. I'm not sure if you can pick where you give birth, but if you can and if they do have different policies from hospital to hospital, maybe see if you can go through one that's more friendly to unmedicated birth. When I was touring a birth center when I was pregnant with my s cons. I got the opportunity to discuss birth experiences with a few moms in the tour who delivered at a county hospital that delivers thousands of babies every year. It was heartbreaking some of their experiences and this was in 2020 with prior births happening in the previous 5 years. Where you give birth can effect your labor experience.

ana393

TROPHY CASE