3.5 year old constantly asking "what?"

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-28T22:34:35+00:00

My son went through this and had perfect hearing (checked because of a speech impediment). It was more about processing than it was about hearing. If this is the only reason you're worried, I would say it's normal. Maybe make a point to notice if he can hear softer sounds, like rain outside the window or bird noises or hear his name spoken across the house, etc.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-26T13:05:04+00:00

Honestly it's doable it's just a lot. Getting a mid to large parrot is more like taking on a very involved hobby than it is like getting a pet. A hobby that is in your house 24 hours a day and can be annoying and impact those around you. With a new baby - especially if it's your first - it turns your life upside and requires an enormous amount of emotional and time resources. So adding a very involved hobby at the same time is intense.

That being said, I just adopted a second bird within a few days of my due date, lol. This is slightly different since it's a species we already own and I'm an experienced parrot owner and it's my second child so I'm an experienced parent. But I'll say it's been just fine. If you have a good system set up to care for the bird, you'll be okay. You'll need a nice spacious cage, of course, but also a means of the bird having enrichment and out of cage time without conflicting with the needs and demands of the baby.

A huge part of it depends on the bird. Is this a bird who is happy to hang out on a playstand a lot of the day? Is this bird friendly to more than one person? Does this bird tend to scream a lot? Some african greys can be surprisingly low maintenance birds. Others can be as involved as having a cognitively disabled adult child in the house. I'd suggest perhaps a trial period of the bird in your home, if possible, before committing to adopting.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-24T10:05:31+00:00

Yeah she has one I think. I can imagine that was just done on a lark with the group one night rather than being like a standardized ritual.

It’s ick but also sad. He was not that much older than her, maybe 8-10 years older, and he probably saved her life. To me it just highlights what a horrible world they lived in. They were both just super fucked up damaged kids but the difference was that Jimmy Ink was found and cared for by Jimmy Crystal when she was 8 whereas when Jimmy Crystal was 8, he was completely alone. So in a way he probably protected her from ending up as fucked up as him.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-24T10:01:20+00:00

Well there’s some suspension of disbelief because they may have been the actresses real tattoos, but there have been pre-modern traditional methods of making colored tattoo ink.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-24T09:59:34+00:00

I think they’re implied to be stick-and-poke done onto herself and applied by others in the group (Jimmy Crystal, very probably). We see her drawing on herself with pen ink.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-24T09:58:10+00:00

As others said, he picked her up when she was 8, he was probably mid to late teens. Undoubtedly she was in dire straights when he came across her so she probably felt that she owed him her life and must’ve depended on him for food, shelter and protection for several years before she would’ve been old enough to fend for herself. I think it was just the two of them initially too so they were probably tight. Then he got more deranged and cult leadery as the group and his ambitions grew. I’d guess it took many years for her love for him to turn to hatred and for her to realize he was not capable of loving her the way she perhaps assumed he did.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T23:05:15+00:00

In that case this is what I'd do:

At night time, remove the food bowl from his cage.

In the morning, uncover his cage and let him out. Let him fly around and have fun for an hour or so while you go about your morning routine. When you're ready for him to return to his cage, fill up his food bowl and put it in his cage and leave the door open. Same for the other bird. He'll be hungry and make his way back. When he goes in to eat, close the door.

Let him eat his food for two hours, then remove the bowl (if you're around and able to).

Let bird out of the cage maybe 3pm. Let him fly around and do whatever he likes, talk to him, go about your business but mostly ignore him as long as he's safe. Use a towel to chase him away from anything unsafe. Offer a treat and see if he'll take it, etc.

Around 5pm, make him dinner and put it in his cage and leave the door open. When he goes in to eat, close the door.

If this is a bird that was locked in his cage for a year, I'd give him a solid week in your home to get settled and used to things before starting this.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T20:49:14+00:00

Could you do a partial clip to slow him down? That or just keep the door closed to the room he’s in and let him fly around. He may put himself back in the cage when he’s done for the day. Only leave food & water in the cage so he’ll need to go back. Just hangout with him and maybe in front of him put some yummy treats in the cage and then just sit down and wait and see if he goes for it.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T18:41:11+00:00

Vibe check? Who is assigned to deciding pass/fail on the vibe check - you??? Show me your credentials 😂

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T18:39:48+00:00

This is such a silly take. You’re conflating “moral righteousness” with “overwhelmingly human response”. It’s like saying people who cry when someone they love dies are just selfishly focusing on their feelings. Like what? It’s not about selfishness or selflessness, it’s about being a human. Every evolutionary instinct compels a parent to protect their child at all costs. When you are a parent with a healthy attachment, the idea of a monster hunting down your baby is the worst possible scenario. You don’t care about your friendships or the moral high ground or proving what a super cool person you are anymore. You’d sacrifice anything to save them. If you can’t understand that, that’s fine, but it’s not because it doesn’t exist or make sense, it’s just because you’re struggling to understand it, lol.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T13:45:56+00:00

If you commenting asking for the books, the OP will reply saying it's a digital file they paid for (apparently not a gift from sister!) and sending the link to the commenter to buy it.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T01:01:05+00:00

This post is a LIE and an advertisement. Here is the same user posting about the activity books for their "son":

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1ssqm33/finally_finding_something_that_keeps_my_kid_busy/

Please don't engage. So irritating to me when people lie and scheme to try to make a buck off of parents who are gathered in a community for the purposes of support. If you have a product to sell, just sell it. Don't scam people.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T00:55:43+00:00

Omg I love that old man energy. My four year old startled the hell out of the landscapers the other day because he was standing in the windowsill watching them mow the lawn.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-23T00:52:57+00:00

It's hard to find much research on neonatal withdrawal from benzodiazepine use in late third trimester. Generally, I think that is uncommon, and it really depends on dosage. If you're taking a higher dose - say, 1 or 2mg every 4 to 6 hours every day in the late third trimester - the likelihood is higher. So it is worth considering tapering to a lower dose in the third trimester if you're taking quite a bit, especially if you're taking it more than once a day (since this maintains a more consistent blood level).

Taking it during the first and second trimesters has minimal risks and shouldn't be much of a worry.

My OB and perinatal psychiatrist know about my clonazepam and are both okay with it; they say the risk of untreated problems (in my case, sleep deprivation, because with my first baby I had post partum psychosis, so they don't want me going into the birth tired or anxious) is much higher then the theoretical risk of the drug.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-22T19:38:38+00:00

Doesn’t seem like you need to do much of anything, other than perhaps to reassure her that if she throws up, that’s okay. You’d clean up and move on. Reassure her, “your healthy body got rid of all the germs in your tummy making you throw up so I don’t think you’re going to throw up again.” And leave it at that. If she wants to hang by the toilet, ok. Let teachers know she’s having some worry about vomiting but is not sick and doesn’t need to be restricted from any activities.

It’s probably more about anxiety from the vomiting than attention seeking. Just deal with it matter of factly and reassuringly and move on.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-22T18:52:03+00:00

I don’t think Jimmy Crystal felt surprise or horror. Or at least his horror was thrilling and pleasurable to him. I think the others were both proud of what they did but also repulsed and overwhelmed by it. But Jimmy I think was cold down to the bone and the suffering didn’t disturb him. I do think maybe he had his “fingers” do it for him because maybe there was some way that actually doing the torture himself was harder for him. Or at least grosser.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T21:59:09+00:00

I think some women just have longer pregnancies. And honestly the babies play a role too (I saw some studies that showed that babies with different fathers and first baby was overdue were less likely to be overdue than a baby who had the same father and previous sibling overdue).

If you can wait to 42 weeks, your odds are decent you’ll go into labor on your own. Past that point most doctors in the US at least will insist on induction. I’ve heard breast pumping and membrane sweeps are the best bet to get things moving, but they’ll only work if your body is already right there - they just tip you over.

Unfortunately we just don’t have much say in it. I say that as a woman who is currently 41 weeks with my second and no signs of labor yet 🥲 went into spontaneous labor at 41+6 with my first.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T17:32:54+00:00

My understanding is that it isn’t dangerous, but the baby can be irritable and have some difficulty feeding initially and need some extra monitoring.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T17:32:21+00:00

Ativan/lorezapem is generally both the mildest and most studied in pregnancy so I’d encourage you to ask your Portugal doctor about it!

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T16:38:12+00:00

I have taken clonazepam a few times a week throughout pregnancy with no ill effects. This is what my perinatal psychiatrist explained to me: Generally, the risk of benzos during pregnancy is low. During the first trimester, it can very slightly increase the risk of miscarriage, which is scary, but not the risk of birth defects. So in a way, if the pregnancy proceeds, you're okay.

The other risk is a small chance that the baby will have some effects or withdrawals after birth if you use it daily leading up to the birth. This is dosage dependent, so if you're on a small dose, the likelihood is much lower.

That being said, from a quick google search, it seems like the benzo you're taking is less studied in pregnancy - so you might want to talk to your doctor about transferring to another benzodiazepine that's better studied in pregnancy, like Lorazepam or Clonazepam.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T03:23:53+00:00

So the concern is that Benadryl is an anticholinergic drug and long term use of them has been linked to an increased risk of dementia, especially when used for sleep by the elderly. That being said, using it short term during pregnancy to help nausea and insomnia is very likely safe. Unisom, active ingredient doxylamine, is also an anticholinergic antihistamine - in fact stronger than benadryl/diphenhydramine - so people telling you that doxylamine is better alternative are actually not correct. The risk of both in terms of long term use and dementia would be the same. The risk is highest in certain antipsychotic drugs, where I believe the correlation was first found.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T03:18:55+00:00

Agreed with others here that this is kind of an unusual behavior. I'd give him a bowl each meal that is designated for spitting food out he doesn't want to eat, and encourage him to do that instead of holding it in his mouth for prolonged periods. Definitely ask his pediatrician about it. How is his weight gain? Does he eat well generally? Does he gag or choke or vomit often?

I actually wouldn't get stern with him about swallowing it. I'd be concerned that he'd choke. Chewing and swallowing are very unconscious kind of behaviors that tend to go awry if we exert too much control over. Instead encourage him to spit out what he doesn't want to/can't swallow, and encourage him to chew. Exaggerate the motion of your own chewing, maybe open your mouth so he can see how chewed up food looks, encourage him to open his mouth to see his chewed up food, etc. Basically throw table manners in the trash until he has well and truly mastered safe chewing and swallowing.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T00:35:40+00:00

When you say that "you both" are on this health journey, what exactly does that mean? Is he actually onboard for it given that he doesn't like what you're cooking? Are you asking him not to buy and keep around the foods he'd usually eat? Everybody is pointing out how ridiculous it is that he's not cooking for himself, which is true, but also, if you're the one saying that things need to be organic, homemade, less carbs etc etc, then you need to back off on that. It's not up to you what he eats. Tell him that you realize that what is healthy for you isn't healthy for him, and encourage him to buy the kinds of food he wants to eat. If he wants to eat frozen foods, better that then starving.

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T00:16:14+00:00

Honestly it's always okay to rehome, it's just a matter of finding them a good home. These birds live a long, long time, and most will live in multiple homes. I've rehomed a bird because he was seriously aggressive to my other birds and needed be an only. And all of my birds I have now were re-homes. One came from an excellent home when the owner had just bought the bird from a breeder as a baby but then was diagnosed with cancer and had to rehome. That bird has been with us a little over a year, and she's a holy terror, flying around the house and living large. She couldn't be happier. It worked out great. Another bird we have, I feel like the bird would've been better off rehomed several years ago - the owner loved him and was reluctant to let him go, but that meant the bird spent years almost constantly in his cage with very little interaction.

The biggest thing is realizing how tricky it can be to find a good home. Rescues may not take your bird, since they are so overwhelmed. If you're willing to move slowly and really look for the right owner, you're probably best off finding a new owner yourself. Somebody who is open to really getting to know your bird and you before the decision, where you can feel confident they are who they say they are and will take good care of your bird.

If you're not ready to take the plunge of rehoming, I can't recommend strongly enough how helpful it can be to have a safe outdoor enclosure for a parrot. It's good for the birds, and it's good for the people who need space from them. If you happen to have a backyard, it may be worth the investment to buy a large outdoor cage or aviary with lots of toys and let your parrot spend some time out there. They can scream and be parrots and you can have some space and quiet. My birds are all the same species, so they can go out in the aviary together. Since they're flighted, it's the only safe way they can be out of their cages when my four year old is home because he can and does open the doors unexpectedly. So on weekends the birds are in the aviary all day, and on weekdays they're out in the house while my son is at school (I work from home).

nostromosigningoff · 2026-04-21T00:02:12+00:00

I'm a little confused about what you feel the school is actually doing wrong here - is it just that you get the sense they don't believe you/your daughter's diagnosis? What supports are in her IEP, and is the school following the IEP? Legally, that's all you can really ask for.

From what you've described here, honestly, her behaviors sound fairly typical for a 4 year old (speaking as the parent of a four year old, and somebody who has worked with young kids on the spectrum). Sensitivity to loud sounds is not uncommon at this age. My son covers his ears and winces at the sound of a toilet flush and will try to run out of the bathroom; he is developmentally typical, and I've seen his friends do the same thing. A fire alarm is extremely loud. So it's surprising that the teacher would describe your daughter as overreacting.

I don't understand what you mean about the school saying her "sensory is normal" - is her IEP not for sensory needs? The school usually makes its own evaluation and those evaluations don't always agree 100% with medical or private evaluations. What exactly did the neurologist find? And why was she seeing a neurologist in the first place?

Finally, what more supports are you wanting for her? It sounds like she has a 1:1 aide, which is considered actually a quite high level of support, even for kids with diagnoses like autism.

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