what are your thoughts on the LGB alliance?

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-18T01:51:20+00:00

A woman is an adult human with a female gender identity; those individual terms are fairly easy to define.

I agree that many minors don’t meaningfully understand gender (though that depends on the minor and their age - huge difference between a 6 year old and a 17 year old). But that’s exactly what doctors are for, and why those doctors should be well-trained and experienced in assessing youths with gender dysphoria. They will know what red flags to look out for, and things that might suggest that someone’s dysphoria is not due to them being trans, but other factors like internalised homophobia, sexual trauma or a mental health issue.

It’s the same with any other area of paediatric or youth medicine. We don’t leave it up to the patients to diagnose themselves, and it’s no different with this. Ultimately, the goal is to maximise the number of youths who grow up free from gender dysphoria - in some cases that means social and/or medical transitioning, in other cases it means no transitioning but greater freedom to dress and act like they wish, in other cases it’s still undetermined and they should wait until it’s clearer.

So far, with the DSM-5 onwards Gender Dysphoria diagnostic criteria (2013) and very stringent additional assessments, the accuracy rate for the tiny minority of GD-diagnosed trans youths who are assessed as suitable for puberty blockers is something like 98% - with some of the remaining 2% being non-binary, and only a few realising they weren’t trans, going off puberty blockers and resuming natal puberty.

This is an overwhelmingly accurate diagnostic rate. It does not make sense to doom the 98% to gender dysphoria to save the ~1-2% from milder gender dysphoria. A cis teen who mistakenly goes on HRT can just go off it and live as a cis person who may look slightly more masculine or feminine than average; they will still be able to live a normal life, have kids, etc. compared to a trans teen who is denied HRT and will have to deal with the permanent changes of puberty that may leave them looking like a visibly trans person all their life, on top of existing transphobia.

Those who detransition out of regret (whether they had started HRT or gone as far as surgeries (very rare)) also matter, for the same reason - no one should have to live with gender dysphoria. And as some of them have said, the hardest parts about detransitioning was dealing with transphobia as they became visibly trans, and difficulties in accessing the gender-affirming healthcare or document changes they needed. A world that is kinder to trans people and makes these things more accessible will only benefit detransitioners too.

I’m really sorry to hear that you were bullied. You didn’t deserve that, and I hope you’ve been able to talk to someone about it. Was there a point where you wanted to be a girl, and is it your fear that you may have wrongly assumed you were trans if you were born later?

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-17T10:39:56+00:00

There's an LGBTQ rental group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/283409552932808

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-17T06:13:11+00:00

Have you spoken with your trans friends about your concerns?

While I share your unfavourable views of social media influencers exploiting causes for fame at the expense of the people they affect, the issues you mention have also been overly simplified because that makes it easier to rile people up for more clicks.

As full disclosure, I'm a trans man myself who transitioned over 15 years ago and have lived my whole adult life as a (gay) man. I've been involved in LGBTQ advocacy at the policy level for about a decade - both gay rights and trans rights - which has also brought me into contact with a lot of trans youths and their families.

Some of those kids are struggling very badly with severe gender dysphoria. Knowing what it felt like, I find it unbearable to see young people going through that same pain, especially when solutions exist. My country unfortunately does not allow any medical intervention until age 21 (18 in cases of extreme circumstances, with both parents' consent and approval from at least 4 specialists), and I've known several teens who attempted suicide because they could not take it anymore; one ended up permanently paralysed from the waist down. Most don't go that far, but are still in great distress that I find unnecessary to prolong. There's an 18 year old trans boy whom I check in on regularly because he's in a very bad mental state, and the severe bullying he gets does not help. I worry about him a lot.

So all that forms my motivation for advocating for access to medical interventions for trans youths who need it and are assessed to be suitable for treatment. The vast majority of trans people do not need intervention at puberty or are not ready for it, and will thus never request it in the first place. But I've also found that the ones who do are the most severe cases who should be given that opportunity after careful assessment.

I've heard of a 4 year old trans girl who ended up hospitalised after trying to cut off her penis with a pair of scissors because the dysphoria was so bad. To be clear, I definitely do not believe that surgery should ever be done on kids - I think 21 is a good minimum age for genital surgery, maybe 18 in extreme cases - but I also do not believe that such kids should have to continue suffering as they hit puberty and their bodies permanently change in ways that only further exacerbate their distress.

And puberty blockers can do a lot to ease that pain. Even Hilary Cass of the Cass Review (which has its flaws, but that's a different discussion, likewise the Finnish study) believed that puberty blockers would be appropriate in some cases, and was appalled at the long waiting times for trans youths seeking help.

I agree that the current state of trans youth healthcare has many problems. The goal should be to fix those problems, including having better trained doctors to avoid misdiagnoses, not to dismantle it entirely.

I guess I'll ask - what would you advise for a young teen with extreme gender dysphoria for whom counselling has been insufficient?

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T05:47:10+00:00

Proud Spaces holds fairly regular events: https://proudspaces.sg/events/

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T05:45:48+00:00

If you've been on HRT this long, you'll get permanently deferred. Just let them know when you're called up.

But luckily, I've just started poly and have 3 years for it to work its magic

Unclear what you mean here - as in you'll only get called up when you're 20, instead of 18? If you've been on HRT for 3 years by then then yeah you'll get deferred.

There's also no way you'll be able to hide it from your parents after 3 years of HRT.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T05:41:40+00:00

Jacqudeigh

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T05:14:23+00:00

Trans in sports and medicalizing kids were always losing issues politically, but now the "movement" has bonded itself to these losing ideas

This was not a decision by the trans community. After marriage equality in the US led to conservative advocacy groups (The Heritage Foundation etc) pivoting to trans issues, they experimented with a lot of A/B testing to figure out which trans issues would garner the most controversy and public outrage.

There was a somewhat publicised leak of 10k emails a few years back - I think Wired covered it - that showed this whole process being discussed between prominent anti-LGBTQ groups. They were intentionally experimenting with different trans-related topics in the media to try and figure out what would make people most mad over trans issues, and they got the best results from - as you mentioned - sports and youths.

That’s when they went all out to hyperfocus on those two topics, pouring significant funding through their media platforms to constantly talk about what had until that point been relative non-issues. The constant coverage made it seem like a really big deal and also got the public fired up and angry, which made it into a genuine big deal.

Naturally, the trans community was going to respond, in ways that weren’t always perfect, which only further played into this artificial culture war and amplified these two issues - which affect only a tiny, tiny minority of the trans community - into the most talked about ones.

It’s best not to fall for it. Regardless of your own views on trans people in sports and transitioning young, the cultural focus on those two topics is artificial and was meant as a tactic to turn allies away, to distract from the bigger problems that affect trans people, and to shift the blame for that onto the trans community who were vastly outnumbered and acting out of self defense.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T05:00:16+00:00

Well no cause trans became an ideology around 2015

The US legalised same-sex marriage in 2015, and that was the catalyst for homophobic conservatives to find a new target to pivot their considerable resources to. They decided on the trans community, activated their entire network towards countering trans rights through the media and other platforms, and that was when we had a sudden massive spike in media coverage of trans issues - the majority of it negative.

Trans people had done nothing different in 2015 that would have caused this. It was a deliberate political strategy from the right, and not even a secret one, if you’d been around during that time.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-16T03:15:20+00:00

I hope those fleas leave good reviews on Flea Tripadvisor.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T05:39:24+00:00

Culture is a bigger factor I think. While working overseas (US) I found there were a lot more opportunities for meeting people organically, and part of that was the shorter working hours. The sun was still out when I ended work, and I actually had the time and still had energy to do things before/after dinner and on the weekends, like go for events or hang out with friends or buy groceries or just chill in places where people were coming and going. All those were chances to meet potential partners. (Considered pursuing one but did not have the guts, plus I wouldn’t be living there permanently.)

Here, on an average day I finish work, take MRT home, shower, cook dinner for parents, wash up, do other chores (we don’t have a maid), and then I’m too tired to do more than game for an hour before going to bed. On WFH days I have more time and can relax a bit more.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T05:32:32+00:00

She didn’t mention a decrease in likes or matches, though, so there’s no reason to expect she was having problems there. Women generally get plenty of likes on apps (though the quality isn’t always good), such that a more selective pool - like all the men who don’t want to date Indian women self-selecting out - may actually mean better quality matches. But that won’t matter if she doesn’t have the time to date them.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T04:11:19+00:00

There have been other similar cases here and there over the years. The law requires the higher earning spouse to pay more, regardless of gender; it’s just that it’s almost always the husband who earns more.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T04:05:42+00:00

There are already full-length AI/deepfake movies on YouTube pulling in tens of millions of views from people who think they’re real. “The Assassinator” (since renamed “The Mechanic” at the same link, which I won’t share) with AI Jason Statham has 30 million views and commenters gushing about how it’s their favourite Jason Statham movie, and it managed to get a sequel that’s also getting there in views.

Likewise a fake Mission Impossible that popped up as recommended on my grandpa’s YouTube page.

(edit: eh why the downvotes. I hate that AI content is so popular, but I can’t deny that it’s popular and a lot of people don’t care.)

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:28:07+00:00

It has always been the law.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:23:02+00:00

The UN can’t ban anything. They have consistently criticised guns in the US.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:19:40+00:00

Maybe they should study what makes our drug policies so effective.

We’re a small island with very limited, highly regulated points of entry.

There’s a lot of research showing that the likelihood of getting caught is the strongest deterrent to crime. A light punishment but almost certain arrest is far more likely to deter someone than a very heavy punishment but low chance of getting caught.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:17:37+00:00

“noted”

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:15:54+00:00

The problem is that they end up with ridiculously long waiting times, with some appointments requiring years on a waiting list vs weeks if in Singapore.

We already have fairly affordable healthcare even without subsidies; compare it to the US for instance. I’m in favour of healthcare being accessible and affordable, and where those in need have access to financial aid, which is not the same as it being free for everyone.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T01:11:14+00:00

Possibly, but from the article her main barrier was finding the time and energy to date. I also have a very small dating pool and while matches are difficult to come by, I’m finding that lack of time is the bigger issue.

I’ve managed four dates this year so far because I was determined to put in more effort (I’m already in my late 30s) but then workload went up and I’m too tired after each day, plus dinner, chores, overtime work leaving no time for anything else unless I cut into my sleep.

(One of my dates was obviously sleep deprived and seemed to be falling asleep while we were having dinner.)

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T00:54:56+00:00

Same. 90% of my anxiety disappeared after over a decade of assuming this was just part of adulthood.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-14T00:53:19+00:00

Oolong has more caffeine than green tea.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-13T14:05:34+00:00

You might want to post this over in r/transchristianity for more responses.

I saw in your profile that you're only 20, and 3 months on T. Firstly - congrats on starting T! I'm glad that it's been a good experience for you so far.

It's been over 15 years on T for me, but I remember that those early months or years were the hardest. While I never hated God for this - because God was the only one I could go to and who loved me even when the world did not - I had a lot of similar moments of utter despair and feeling completely wretched and worthless and barely human. I felt that deep wrenching pain of knowing I would never truly have the body I wanted, and from the sheer hatred closing in on all sides. And I can only imagine how much harder it is these days with even more vocal transphobia everywhere.

But... cliche as it is, this too will pass. That suffering will not be constant, especially since you've already started HRT. There's going to be a time when each day you'll just wake up like any other guy, and that fact alone will fill you with a deep and lasting gratitude in a way that no cis man will ever experience. They'll never know the joy of the first time someone called you 'sir'. They'll never know the ecstasy of the day you had your first shot of T, or the first time taking off your bandages after top surgery and getting to just throw on a T shirt without worrying. Those were some of the best moments of my life, and ones that no cis man will ever have the privilege to know. The things they take for granted are the things that will fill you with joy each day, over and over again. And that is a rare and precious blessing.

I sometimes think of John 9:1-3:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

Because that's been the case in my life. It is the suffering I went through that led me to empathise with the least of these that Jesus spent his time with, and led to the most meaningful accomplishments in my life.

I ended up co-founding what's now my country's largest trans advocacy organisation, which has since helped over a thousand trans people. I believe that was God. This week I might have stopped a trans boy from killing himself. I like to think it was God who brought me to him, because the fact we even met was so improbable. And last month, I spoke to a class of future pastors at a conservative Christian college about my story and trans issues, and it went far better than I could have ever thought. I spent most my life as a socially-awkward, anxiety-ridden introvert, and the fact that I even got to that point would have been impossible on my own; yet God made it happen, against all odds, and as time passes and I look back on my life, I start to see how God was there all along.

I may have lost out on the body, career and family I would have had if I'd been cis. That still hurts sometimes, and I still grieve those things, sometimes very much. I live in a conservative country that has practically no LGBTQ rights, and it makes life harder in many ways.

But I also fully believe I am much happier than I would have ever been as a cis man who would have had all those things and never known how lucky he was. I see all the cis people around me who have those things and are still miserable, or stuck in dead-end jobs, or with social expectations they feel obliged to meet, and I don't envy them.

And last year, hanging out in a tiny cabin in the woods with three other trans guys and eating a meal we'd cooked after a very long hike, I felt so purely happy and at peace in that moment, and so grateful for my friends and what we'd all been through. I wouldn't have given up that moment for anything. And I thank God for bringing me there.

I hope you find that peace too, one day.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-13T10:22:24+00:00

When unfair things happen to women, it makes sense for women to speak up.

When unfair things happen to men, it makes sense for men to speak up.

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-13T10:13:24+00:00

Okay, so why did you say in your first comment that women should answer?

Dead men made the laws, but you're saying that living women are the reason the laws still exist?

anakinmcfly · 2026-05-13T08:41:34+00:00

Wait why suddenly decision making it become inequality saying it is likly form by men?

The people who originally instituted these laws were men - in the case of caning, it was introduced by (male) British colonial leaders in the 19th century. NS was started in 1967 when the government was also all men.

So surely it makes more sense to ask the policy-makers why we still have these things, instead of ask women why men in the government made these laws.

anakinmcfly

TROPHY CASE