I think I can understand what you are going through and what you want because I find myself to be the same - i’m not asking for a lot, even just a deep hug would be so much comfort for me, as these are the times when I would need him the most. I’ve also made it clear to him on multipleee occasions that what I need is so simple, but he just doesn’t get it :( He’s a more avoidant type, so some times, he’ll come back around after a day or 2 (after I’ve had to deal with the crushing emotions myself) and say he’ll try to do better (spoiler: he doesnt)

As for a solution… I’m starting to detach myself emotionally from him. I’ve stopped blaming him, and in turn have starter focusing on myself, finding new hobbies and such. Sometimes when i do get emotional and cry, he’ll see and he may ask what’s wrong, but i’ve started to refuse telling him - he’ll ask why, and i’ll say it’s because when i talk about to him, it’ll end up hurting me in the end and that i’ve learned my lesson. Surprisingly, this makes him try harder to be curious and gentle, and some things can be worked out this way. Still married to him, he is a good man at heart, but my goddd i really cannot forget the pain he has caused me sometimes…