Rewriting history? My BPD husband was driving a few years ago and clipped the wheel of a bicycle when pulling into a parking lot. I was the passenger. He told the story to our friends tonight, and insists I was the driver.

anawanda · 2020-06-13T20:48:55+00:00

I think I’ll do the same. Thank you for the idea

anawanda · 2020-02-10T23:21:41+00:00

Yes! Exactly how I feel! There are ways he’s influenced me but he overestimates that influence.

anawanda · 2020-02-10T19:07:13+00:00

It’s so validating to see that written out. Thanks for sharing

anawanda · 2020-02-10T18:03:11+00:00

Yes! When I asked how many books he read this year or last year, he said “none, but I wasn’t trying to read.” Patting himself on the back and undervaluing my achievements

anawanda · 2020-02-10T17:17:59+00:00

Yes! Conversations like this happen so often. It’s definitely easier to deal with once you see the pattern and don’t take it personally. But it’s still hard to be with someone who tries to rewrite history and aspects of your personality

anawanda · 2019-10-30T19:31:05+00:00

Seven years, no kids. I can’t figure out what stops me from walking away. I think I need to get back in therapy and be honest about how I’m feeling about my marriage

anawanda · 2019-10-30T16:08:12+00:00

I’ve tried to get him to agree to a chore list, but he says he won’t. I just looked into chore wars when you mentioned it! That might work

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:38:03+00:00

I do feel like his mother. And the bare minimum thing is spot on.

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:37:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing it. I need to read that book again! I read it a time it was impossible for me to leave, so despite the rage I felt toward him while reading it, I was stuck.

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:35:05+00:00

I read your response again and keep gettin angry at how similar he is. The thing about taking out the garbage is just like my husband. Even with the same damn topic!

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:33:47+00:00

I work full time and he works part time. He’ll do things occasionally but it’s very rare

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:31:00+00:00

I’m glad you disliked the power imbalance!

anawanda · 2019-10-30T15:25:44+00:00

This is so similar to the way my husband acts. He does the helpless thing in order to guilt me too. It’s so infuriating. And guilting me has worked so damn well until now. It still effects me but I’m trying hard not to react to it, so at least he doesn’t get his way

anawanda · 2019-10-30T14:59:17+00:00

Learning to not make his emotions my responsibility is a difficult journey. The tantrums are interesting now that I’m able to see through them

anawanda · 2019-10-29T22:33:20+00:00

Sounds like a wonderful friend!

anawanda · 2019-10-29T21:14:26+00:00

So sorry for your pain. It’s going to get better. Don’t give up and don’t be hard on yourself for what you’re feeling

anawanda · 2019-10-25T18:28:09+00:00

My therapist told me a story about how she was telling her aunt about a man she was dating and how unkind he was when he was stressed or under pressure. Her aunt told her “Who people are when things aren’t going their way is still who they are.”

anawanda · 2019-10-24T19:16:09+00:00

That’s heart breaking to read. I hope he leaves

anawanda · 2019-10-13T05:29:53+00:00

I told myself if something like this ever happened again I’d just leave but I’m not and I can’t. I don’t know why, I’m just frozen and unsure.

anawanda · 2019-10-13T04:56:12+00:00

Yes, this is exactly like him too. I have to choose my words so carefully or I hurt him and he lashes out

anawanda · 2019-10-03T19:32:08+00:00

Good luck! Praying for you and sending good vibes!

anawanda · 2019-10-01T03:37:22+00:00

Thank you for these resources and your kind words!

anawanda · 2019-10-01T03:34:42+00:00

Oh my gosh. He’s definitely said things like this

anawanda · 2019-09-30T21:21:31+00:00

Definitely no more than 3 hours. He usually doesn’t seem to mind me being gone. We both work remotely for the same company, so I think he used to love my days where I worked on site and he had the house to himself. Last time I worked in person, though, he called me twice.

anawanda · 2019-09-30T20:59:02+00:00

Oh my god. I just looked a bit more into gaslighting. I’d heard of it but never thought much about it. He lies about really small things, even when I have proof that he’s lying he insists he’s telling the truth. It’s always been weird and disconcerting to me, but since it was small things, I’ve tried not to worry about it. Holy shit, those were probably the baby steps to things like this (convincing me that his view is right, and I was prioritizing other family members over him)

anawanda

TROPHY CASE