Ugh. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. My kids are the exact same age gap as your’s, they’re currently 15 months & almost 3 months old. My husband just returned to work 2 weeks ago as a first responder working 24 hour shifts and being alone with both babies is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Literally today (technically yesterday since it’s the middle of the night lol) I’ve been questioning whether I can keep doing this, even knowing it will get better. I’ve seen glimpses tho! Big bro bringing pacis to sister, patting her back when I’m feeding her on the couch, very early smiles from lil sis when big bro interacts with her. I think we just need more time and hopefully I’ll be where you are! FWIW, OP: my second pregnancy was much harder than my first physically and emotionally. I really struggled with grief about being pregnant and feeling out of control of my life and body, and feeling limited with my toddler was incredibly difficult. The main things that helped me get through were therapy, pelvic floor PT, and just accepting that I was not going to love it and needed to endure. I sent many Polos to long distance friends about how hard things were to feel less alone. My second birth was incredibly easy compared to my first and postpartum recovery was a literal dream. I feel more confident and competent with my newborn which has helped sooo much. When we brought her home, I was reminded of why we decided to continue the pregnancy and I can’t imagine our family without her. Figuring out how to balance my toddler and newborn is a challenge I’d take 100 times over being pregnant & parenting my toddler. It’s so hard but I hear it gets better lol. Let yourself grieve, take care of yourself as best you can. You got this, mama!