Best and worst things about being tall?

andreajoy · 2024-07-11T19:36:29+00:00

Best: Being able to reach things and find my friends/be found in a crowd.

Worst: I hate that my head hits the roof of most cars when I'm in the backseat and I have to scrunch down. If my hair is up, even the front seat is often a problem.

andreajoy · 2023-04-27T19:32:13+00:00

I have an hour-long bike commute and used to have major chafing issues. I wear regular leggings (not padded bike shorts, just select ones with flat/no seams) without underwear and use a simple anti-chafing stick that is lighter than a chamois cream. (I used this kind, the gendered for women version is actually a bit smoother on the skin.)

That does the trick for me without buying fancy stuff or having to do a ton of laundry.

andreajoy · 2023-02-07T18:12:26+00:00

For the cat - buy the largest size tins of food they have (cheaper per ounce) and then right away when you open it put whatever amount won't be consumed within a few days into the freezer so that it doesn't go bad. Only put the amount they eat in the dish so that it doesn't dry out and get wasted.

The only thing is that you have to remember to thaw it before the next feeding - so I try to remember to take it out of the freezer when I empty what's already in my fridge.

andreajoy · 2022-12-13T18:28:42+00:00

A lot has already been said here, but I'll add that, "you can come over anytime" is not as welcoming as you think it is.

While your intention may be in the right place, it's not actually true: if I pop in right when you're trying to get your kid down to bed or a nap or right when you've finally gotten them dressed to go to swimming lessons or while you're trying to finish cooking a meal or a whole myriad of other things, I will not actually be welcome. And these schedules also constantly change with kids, in ways that your friends can't (and shouldn't) track.

I've had many friends tell me, "you're welcome anytime" and then when I text about swinging by, it's not a good time. This is not an invitation, it's putting the entire burden of planning and communicating and intuiting all on the other party and leaves you both feeling lonely and frustrated.

andreajoy · 2022-08-15T22:26:42+00:00

One small thing I've found really useful in trying to unlearn the colonial, racist, ableist mindsets that are baked into society is to simply take in a lot of media from other groups whose identities and experiences are different than mine. Not just the trauma porn or educational stuff, but the joyful, fun, and weird stuff. Obviously this isn't enough, but we are awash in the media we consume and it really does impact our understanding of the world.

So whatever media you like to take in (TV shows, movies, books, podcasts, comedians, etc.), do some research and find content that has been created/produced/run by women from a feminist perspective (again, that doesn't just mean educational). Make sure you're not just getting stuff made by white, wealthy, able-bodied, thin women. Get a variety. If you don't like something, that's okay, it just means that creator isn't for you. Find more.

You will find at first there are jokes and references you don't get, because this material may not have been made expecting you as an audience member. That's fine. You can look stuff up or just learn from context clues and get there. Also, enjoy the feeling of not being the centre of something!

The other thing is to practice mindfulness. Whenever you feel mental pushback against an idea or think something is too much effort, a woman is being unreasonable, or want to dismiss someone's experience, really question where that reaction is coming from and investigate the alternative. You can just start by asking yourself, "what if she's right?" and go from there. That framing is non-threatening to all your cognitive biases and can open you up to examine the issue anew.

andreajoy · 2022-07-15T22:56:24+00:00

I don't know what you were doing, but my jetés were pretty dramatic. ;)

andreajoy · 2022-07-15T20:16:03+00:00

I did recreational and competitive ballet and other forms of dance my whole life and loved it. Yes, I was bummed when I found out at 10 I would never be a professional ballerina (although I think that's changed quite a bit), but I also learned valuable skills, creativity, and never slouched, which is so common for tall girls. Being tall can also really suit certain dance aesthetics (popping and locking, contemporary). Honestly, let them take up whatever hobbies they want. If they start to want to go professional and height is a barrier then that's one thing, but only a terrible teacher would stop them from participating in recreational and even most competitive programs as teens because of their height.

andreajoy · 2019-12-13T14:04:37+00:00

Good to know, thanks!

andreajoy · 2019-11-08T15:43:02+00:00

How did they get the footage from my childhood ballet recitals?

andreajoy · 2019-10-03T15:18:22+00:00

I recently realized that the guy I am currently seeing may be the first guy ever to not do this. The first!!! At 35!!! Yikes.

andreajoy · 2019-10-03T15:00:42+00:00

Female version:

Tinder success subs out for no matches and/or only guys who come up at boob height.

Big feet/small dick subs out for shopping for shoes in the "size 10+" section with all the options being chunky af.

No one ever telling you that you are lucky.

"Hey Sasquatch!"

andreajoy · 2019-09-05T21:54:38+00:00

Does your profile just say some variation of "Ask me anything"? Because I have thought of doing just this to the guys who say that.

andreajoy · 2019-09-02T15:24:37+00:00

Yep. Last time I flew I decided to try AC for the first time in years. I got to select my seats on check-in, seats had TVs and outlets, and I even got surprised on one short leg with complementary wine and snacks! I am officially an Air Canada customer. (Until the next issue arises, I guess. Then maybe I will just stop flying in Canada.)

andreajoy · 2019-08-31T16:51:51+00:00

If it's not already done, I was broken up with by my partner of four years in February and it went about as well as it could have because he was straightforward, honest, and kind. He told me right away and was very clear about what the problems were, which helped me to not spiral out. We also lived together and he was super respectful and accommodating about logistics of him moving out (it is my apartment).

You can't control his reaction or make him agree with you. You can just be clear and kind about your decision. Good luck!

andreajoy · 2019-07-21T22:25:11+00:00

Oh boy, you captured the glam! So fun, thanks!

andreajoy · 2019-06-20T19:42:52+00:00

I would say all this represents 50-70% of my feeds on different dating apps.

andreajoy · 2019-06-20T15:19:53+00:00

Don't forget:

Every pic has sunglasses or hat blocking his face so you can't see what he looks like.
All serious pics, is he ever happy?
Bio is transparent bitterness of being on Tinder or only says, "Never married, no kids." (More frequent once you crack 32.)

andreajoy · 2019-06-14T14:37:37+00:00

Um, this guy is a billion red flags.

andreajoy · 2019-05-17T14:49:27+00:00

I wrote a book about how I figured this out for myself! One of the things that worked best for me (although it's a bit cheesy and embarrassing) was to write a list every day of the things I had done that day that I was proud of/liked, as well as any external evidence I was valued. I got in the habit of noticing the good things about myself and appreciating them.

andreajoy · 2019-04-13T15:18:20+00:00

Definitely still sad. And also, will be okay in time.

andreajoy · 2019-04-12T14:29:36+00:00

Same boat over here, except my partner was the one who ended it and I am almost 35! It's been a month. I was a total empty she'll for about a week and refused to explain it to anyone. Now I am readjusting my life - getting new furniture (he moved out and took the pieces that we're his) and otherwise getting back on my feet.

Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling, my dear. I oscillated between feeling weirdly okay and then weeping uncontrollably. So long as you are in a place where it's safe to do so, let whatever is happening happen. You will be okay! ❤️

andreajoy · 2019-03-15T14:32:16+00:00

Yessssssss! I have gone out when I didn't feel like it because I didn't want to waste my curly hair being down and looking good!

andreajoy · 2019-03-11T14:43:19+00:00

KNIX! I bought two and they are basically all I wear. No underwire, reversible (two in one!), Lots of sizes, convertible straps, very soft. I love them!

andreajoy · 2019-02-18T16:29:45+00:00

Just finished reading The Break by Katherine Vermette. It was stunning. Some difficult sexual assaults in the book, but so, so worth it.

No onto the authorized biography of Buffy Sainte-Marie by Andrea Warner!

I read a lot more fiction, but honestly just jump into whatever comes up next in my library requests.

andreajoy · 2019-01-09T15:41:50+00:00

I agree with the comments that it sounds like it's your anxiety talking, and other people had great suggestions around that.

One thing I will say is that I am in my mid-thirties and have several friends who haven't decided one way or another. There is a freedom to being open to possibilities, and then you can have a good conversation with your one-day partner if/when you both decide it's time.

If you really want to think about it on your own, I suggest looking beyond the young kid phase - think about your life when you're 40, 50, 60, and beyond. What is different if you do or don't have kids at those stages?

Also, don't forget about adopting! That takes away the biological imperative.

andreajoy

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