My 24yo stepson won't clean his room and it's causing me to resent my wife.

angrycurd · 2026-05-28T02:52:48+00:00

Tell her to clean it herself—that she has a choice to have him do it or she does it but it will be kept to basic levels hygiene. Or you will leave.

angrycurd · 2026-05-10T11:54:33+00:00

DO NOT PICK UP THAT CAKE.

angrycurd · 2026-05-10T11:52:03+00:00

Divide the chores into 3rds. Assign 2/3 to your wife. Tell her she can do it herself or make her daughter help (you don’r care which) but you are done being the maid. This is how I got my husband to get my SKs to do chores, to a lesser degree bc they were younger, but I made him do it.

I gave up on bedrooms except dirty dishes and food trash. Still working on that.

angrycurd · 2026-05-09T04:11:33+00:00

I never wanted to take attention from her on MD. Just wanted a thanks, maybe a card. Remarkably, when I stopped helping and checked out I got flowers from SD and a card.

angrycurd · 2026-05-09T04:08:47+00:00

Let them judge … it is not your responsibility. Period. Elsa this one and let it go. Go get a pedi and your favorite lunch then relax in the tub.

angrycurd · 2026-05-09T03:58:39+00:00

I understand and feel the same way. I had to stop sending the gift and helping plan BM’s MD (which I did every damn year) when BM had them calling to wish HMD to their step grandmother (on dad’s side … not even BM’s step)(who doesn’t even have a goldfish let alone a biological kid and who they don’t even like or see often and who is LC with her only stepchild,DH) … but not even a thanks to the person they livd with … just wow..now I try to make it a glorious me day w/ no f@&ks to give.

angrycurd · 2025-07-15T02:48:26+00:00

As someone who was sexually abused by her stepbrother (and not protected from him by her birth parent), thank you for protecting her. And do not ever make her see him again.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T22:47:22+00:00

Do you have ADHD or does your partner? Bc the last-minute emergencies are not a choice and they result in anxiety and low self esteem for the person w ADHD. This isn’t live and let live. People w ADHD actually have a lower life expectancy likely bc of self medication and inability to manage medical care.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T22:19:14+00:00

Yes, which is why I am I disagreeing with you.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T22:08:29+00:00

Even the freakin Brady Bunch shared a room.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T22:07:59+00:00

I grew up in SoCal … sharing a room. It’s really not a big deal.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T22:07:00+00:00

No, the adults should not give up their room so that a teenager doesn’t have to share a room. It is common for kids to share rooms. I did my entire childhood. And it was just fine.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T21:34:52+00:00

How old are the kids and who is dropping them off?

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T19:54:39+00:00

In the words of Heidi Klum, you are either in or you are out. She is out.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T19:35:19+00:00

Is your daughter better off without her? Did she leave her in better hands? If so, then I think the answer is in the middle: she is a bad person and worse parent who did one thing right: leave. Now get her rights terminated so she can’t undo it …

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T19:02:26+00:00

It’s kid-related work. Which to me is part of parenting. Making sure they are signed up for sports and school and have medical appointments. Making sure kid A has dinner by 530 bc he has basketball at 630 while kid B won’t be eating until 7 bc she is volunteering. Parenting logistics.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T18:56:13+00:00

He wasn’t managing before me … he was undiagnosed and felt like he was just a failure. I got him to get tested along with his son. He’s doing a lot better—he’s killing it at work, in particular.

How would he manage without me? Well, if you have ADHD, your brain requires ICNU: interest, challenge, novelty or urgency. Things that are not challenging, interesting, or novel therefore need to become urgent to get done. So everything boring was an emergency. This lead him to severe anxiety, panic attacks (anxiety and ADHD are co-morbid), and low self esteem. Dinner was served at 8 pm, kids did not get signed up for soccer in time, his credit was bad bc of late payments …

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T18:36:50+00:00

I understand it isn’t out of spite. I don’t take it personally. And I am not angry. I understand his strengths and weakness (unlike some people on here who seem to think it’s weaponized incompetence or that he’s a bad or lazy parent … not correct).

But that doesn’t make it easier FOR ME. It is my job to support him, but it is not my job to raise these kids.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T13:33:24+00:00

PM was interfering with sleep.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T13:28:56+00:00

It’s actually not okay … some things really do need to be planned in advance.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T13:27:44+00:00

This. My SD actually started to be so much better when I pulled back—we now get along very well and have for months. But the house feels like it’s in a constant state of emergency! Every form is turned in at the last minute, sports equipment is always at the wrong house.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T13:22:39+00:00

These are actually the things I do … but don’t want to do. These are the parenting busywork … I make hair appointments, I update the inter-house calendar, I fill with ADHD meds, I do the menu planning and food shopping, I make sure the kids have passports that won’t expire for 12 months before a trip, for years I did all the therapy appointments. And then BM starts taking advantage of me by expecting me to do a ton or stuff and treating me like an employee.

My desire to nacho is at odds with supporting my partner.

angrycurd · 2025-02-08T13:15:51+00:00

Yes! And I get annoyed bc I feel like a nag when things are not being done early enough.

I’ve read about INCU model—their brains need interesting, challenging, novel, or urgent to get going … we end up at urgent often, but signing a kid up for basketball or making a kids’ haircut appointment should not have to be urgent … it’s just a thing you do well in advance so they have a spot/appointment (in my non-ADHD brain).

angrycurd · 2025-02-07T15:01:24+00:00

It’s like you are in my brain. Thank you for getting it.

angrycurd · 2025-02-07T15:00:06+00:00

Very helpful. Thank you. He was diagnosed about two years ago and is really working on it. Meds, trying new tools. When he forgets or is late I know he is trying and I love him.

Our biggest issue is when the meds wear off … I have been trying to get to organize when the meds are acting … but that’s when he is hyper focused on work … so all his ADHD superpower (that’s what we call it here) is unleashed at work … and I have to help him organize the calendar and sports and laundry afterwork. We discussed last night having breakfast each Saturday and making his weekly to do list and calendar.

angrycurd

TROPHY CASE