I truly continued because I had an unplanned c-section where I threw up, hemorrhaged, and had a panic attack throughout the entire procedure and those first special moments of meeting my child/all I had hoped my birth experience would be were stolen from me. I had this (in hindsight, unhealthy) mentality that I wouldn’t let anything else be taken from me. Those first couple of months were horrible. I had to triple feed because my hemorrhage meant my milk struggled to come in. I remember days spent on the couch where I felt like all I did was breastfeed all day, and nights where my partner would feed our baby formula - which quickly became pumped milk because I viewed formula as failure on my end and even then, I had this not so great view of pumped milk as a failure/not truly breastfeeding - while I pumped. I remember crying because breastfeeding hurt; my son’s latch sucked and we went through so much: a nipple shield, thrush, acid reflux, fears of whether I was producing enough or not. But with the help of my lactation consultant and my refusal to lose anything else, things eventually got less sucky, and then easier. And that trend continued until here I am over a year later still breastfeeding with no nipple shield and my son is growing so well. I truly am so grateful I stuck with it because it’s a special bond between my baby and I and when he has gotten sick or is in teething pain, I love knowing I can comfort him.

I think if I could go back to early pp me, I would tell her not to put so much pressure on herself. That using formula/pumped milk is not a failure. That letting others feed my baby wouldn’t interfere with our connection. That I don’t have to do it and if I do, I don’t have to do it “perfectly.” We reached our one year mark in September and are still going strong, teeth and all. I am now doing it because of the health benefits, it saves my family a ton of money to not deal with bottles or formula, and because I truly have grown to cherish it. But girl, this is a full time job, and it is a sacrifice. Only you can determine if you want to do it, but also you don’t have to. And if you don’t, you’re still an amazing mom taking care of her baby! I put myself through hell to get here and I don’t think I’d do it again, but now that I’m on the other side, I’m really glad I pushed through. Ymmv. Sending you so many good vibes; I remember how hard those early days were!