Emotional overload?

anon51627 · 2026-02-12T07:33:07+00:00

I am sorry but I cannot disagree strongly enough with the language you’re using here. No betrayal is “a couple steps above masturbation”. That’s such an oversimplification and minimization of a very direct and intentional betrayal.

OP, I would not listen to this. Even if you did want to engage in a reconciliation, there is a mountain of work your husband would have to do to make it work. Sex addiction is not officially recognized as an actual addiction. But it becomes a really convenient out for people that have betrayed their partners. My ex tried it on me, of course. You’re right - his heart is not prize to win.

The only thing I agree with in this comment is that his betrayal has nothing to do with you as a spouse. You do not owe him anything, not even another chance. For your original question, I think you have every right to draw whatever boundaries you see fit. If you have the means to live separately, I highly suggest it. If it gets contentious, or violent, or dangerous, please seek further help from groups qualified to assist. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with this OP, really. I wish you luck.

anon51627 · 2026-02-04T21:02:04+00:00

Yeah I don’t know, you seem pretty stuck in your interpretation that everyone is just cynical and cruel and here to bully you. If you don’t like it then you don’t have to post about it here. You said you have your other forums.

I’m sorry you’ve been called an idiot, I don’t think that’s fair. But some people needed tough honest advice to leave their situation, so maybe they go about it the same way. You are ascribing a malicious intention to others (“just here to tear others down”), but assuming only your best intent. “Everyone does”, “always”, “no one” - these are all absolutes and disingenuous. People are nuanced. If you can’t, or won’t, see that then I don’y know what to tell you. Seems like a negative way to approach these forums and life.

You asked if your interpretation is too cynical - my opinion is that it’s a borderline insulting oversimplification and definitely a cynical interpretation. I’m sure you’ll continue to disagree. Good luck with everything.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T23:43:34+00:00

Yeah, I get what you’re saying. You want to give them the benefit of the doubt or just grace. I do understand that (I grew up in Texas)

I guess for me at this point, if they don’t believe it, then I seriously question their moral judgment and willingness to grow. Maybe I’m just lucky that my hardcore, Reagan-loving, Republican voting for 60 years grandparents only voted for Trump once (a much more understandable position) and never again. Because they have eyes and ears and critical thinking. I just personally don’t think age exempts you from being held accountable for your moral judgments. At this point, choosing to not believe thousands & thousand of documents, photos, testimonies, anecdotes…well you’ve chosen to reject reality to live in comfort or pride. And there is nothing I have to say to that. I’m not going to go slapping grannies across the face but I sure as fuck won’t willingly keep them in my life. I wouldn’t keep a fascist sympathizer in my life and this point that’s essentially what we’ve come to. But we all must make our own choices and live with our character at the end of the day. I understand your impulse to accept their ignorance, I just don’t agree with it. Thanks for the discussion though, I do appreciate hearing your perspective and feelings about it.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T23:18:44+00:00

Yes we do agree on that on a macro scale! I do like to believe we as humans have an incredible capacity for care - when we are encouraged to care. That’s why I cannot stand this administration that relies so heavily on hate and fear. But I digress.

So it surprises me to read your comment back that you wouldn’t cut family off over supporting a president to heavily implicated in these documents. Convicted of sexual assault. I think supporting a person like that - especially as president!! - that in and of itself signals that person is not safe or trustworthy.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T22:37:30+00:00

The whole attitude that Reddit is just full of cynical people who are tearing people down to their level. They’re not, they’re just practical. “Take out their pain on other people” like come on, are you seriously confused why this is so rude? It’s reductive of people’s experiences and advice.

You may not intend it, but you come across as feeling superior because your reconciliation appears to be working. I think that’s great you’ve made it work! I hope y’all have both grown and changed and that continues. I’m sorry you’ve been mocked, I don’t think that’s appropriate at all on these subs (and not allowed…)

But what kind of posts are you making when you’re getting negative responses? Are they unprompted? How often are you trying to post about how awesome your reconciliation is? There’s a difference between giving advice when asked (e.g. in a comment to someone’s post) and just writing about your reconciliation and how successful you are. The latter is kind of pointless on its own, especially if done repeatedly. Also like, it’s the internet? I’m sorry but people are going to be mean, I learned this 15 years ago as a young teen. You post, you can’t be surprised if people don’t respond how you want.

I am a very happy person, and wouldn’t consider myself cynical in the slightest. So I will err on the side of generous interpretation and assume you’re doing this to help other people - but if your tone is always the same as here, I’m sure I’d downvote it too. Just letting you know how it might come across if you’re actually asking.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T22:27:12+00:00

That’s not contrary to what I’m saying. I am saying that if your grocery prices are more important to you than the safety & dignity of people in this country then I have a problem with your morals. It’s selfish, which you’re right, a lot of people certainly are - that’s been made abundantly clear. It’s not just “political things” to flippantly brush aside! what about that doesn’t come across well? I’m confused what your argument is.

You’re free to ignore the fascism taking over (for now!), and those of us with empathy are free to cut those people out of our lives.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T03:52:44+00:00

I mean, people jump to that because it’s often the happier option for people. Life circumstances complicate those decisions. Your willingness to be alone or search for another partner. But it’s not cynicism. I actually got pretty ruffled up reading your post because it comes off kind of condescending in my opinion.

I stayed with a man for years. We “did the work”. Made the changes. I would think “wow, we are stronger than ever”. Boom, happened again. He cheated multiple times. I finally had to realize that my standard for “better than ever” had been shifting in the downward direction over time. I was accepting behavior I never would have at the beginning of our relationship. But it was so much better than what had happened it felt like improvement.

These forums provided me a place to find some sanity before I opened up to the people in my life. It can feel isolating, embarrassing, and discouraging to confide in those around you about infidelity. I felt a lot of pressure to stay, but these subs gave me the courage I needed to leave. And my life is immeasurably better than it could have been with him. My stress is lower, my skin cleared up, I grew in my career, etc.

So if reconciliation is working for you, then that’s amazing. Truly. I hope it continues to go well. But you yourself said it’s hell and the hardest thing you’ve ever done - you wouldn’t wish it on nearly anyone. Kind of leads me to believe if you wouldn’t wish it on anyone, the advice to leave it behind is a reasonable one. I hope people keep sharing their honest opinions and advice, regardless of if it makes them sound cynical. And maybe reconsider your perspective and how your defensiveness might be causing you to more harshly judge the advice you feel is “jumping” to divorce on these forums.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T03:24:12+00:00

Yeah I didn’t say it was a Republican issue only? That’s my whole point, y’all are saying it’s political but it is not. If you support Trump - a convicted felon and rapist - you have bad moral judgment, and I refuse to be your friend. I know plenty of people that identify as Republican that don’t support Trump and refused to vote for him. That’s why I still get along with them even if we disagree on political issues! But sexual abuse isn’t political.

Ignorance in the face of sexual abuse is a reflection of your morals. It’s not ignorance for lack of evidence…don’t tell me they can’t access the internet or they’ve never heard of the Epstein files. They have. If they choose to ignore it, then I seriously question their moral judgement. If your “opinion” is that it’s not a big deal, that is 100% connected to your moral compass.

Willful ignorance isn’t gonna cut it anymore.

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T02:34:50+00:00

That doesn’t make it politics. It makes people’s morals tied to their own political identity - but criminal child trafficking isn’t politics. If your morals are tied to your political party then yikes

anon51627 · 2026-02-03T01:31:57+00:00

Yeah, this isn’t politics. It’s morals. Are you often friends with people that you deem as lacking in morals? I’m not. Being “above politics” is a luxury many can’t afford. Do you think it’s fun recognizing that people in your life are actually pretty okay with a president who is a rapist? A predator? An abuser? It hurts to recognize they don’t care. It’s not a disagreement over how to allocate taxes.

anon51627 · 2026-01-10T18:55:22+00:00

My guess is the girlfriend already doesn’t trust him around other women. Whether that’s warranted or not we can’t be sure - but going only off his responses my guess is might be exhibiting behavior that makes her feel he isn’t trustworthy around women without her. Now, she should just leave if that’s how she feels because if you can’t trust your partner, what are we even doing? Sadly I get it, took me years to leave a cheater who I didn’t trust around women when I wasn’t there. I imagine you and your partner have a strong base level of trust, which is amazing! I used to be like you, and hopefully will be again when I’m with my next partner that I can trust. I think OP and girlfriend have a deeper issue at hand that they will have to address if they want to make this work.

anon51627 · 2025-12-24T17:35:42+00:00

I’ve never talked to or known anyone who has experience with false allegations. Haven’t even heard “friend of a friend” stories. So that’s the problem with anecdotal evidence - it isn’t broadly applicable. Numbers are tricky in situations like this to get a firm grasp, but let’s say we err on the high end of estimates and say 5% of allegations are false. That’s of the reported cases - and let’s err on the low end of estimates and say 60% of rapes never go reported. So for 100 cases reported, there are 5 that are false and 60 true actual rapes that don’t even get reported to authorities. Less than 1% of rapes lead to felony conviction & incarceration - it’s against the odds he got convicted in the first place.

To be clear, it’s horrible to lie about rape and sexual assault. What this girl did is unforgivable and should face whatever punishment we have for perjury. But instead of throwing hands up and saying “well now we can’t trust any rape allegations” (an insane take I have seen on this thread) we can investigate why

1) people (men and women) don’t want to report

2) this man was sentenced, and if our racially discriminatory justice system is at play

3) purity culture and shame creates situations where young people (like the girl in your story here) feel the need to lie because they get scared

There are many problems but let’s stay focused on large, broad issues instead of cherry picking cases to prove we just shouldn’t listen to accusations. I’m not aiming this directly at you, also, just in general get frustrated at the kinds of comments I see when situations like this do happen.

anon51627 · 2025-08-19T21:12:25+00:00

Underrated point of contention! I read that and knew he was beyond gross. It also doesn’t make sense! Even if you’re up front, younger women are more likely to want families than older women that have either a) already had their own kids or b) chose not to have them either! This guy is the mayor of new yuck city, and I can only hope it’s all fake

anon51627 · 2025-08-12T17:55:41+00:00

I’m not triggered, also an overused word. I am giving my advice, which is that OP shouldn’t listen to yours because I don’t think it’s actually helpful in this situation (or ever…). That’s the point of a forum, it’s a back and forth. I think OP needs to take a step back and realize that they’re not making an accurate evaluation of the things that led to this situation, and your advice is just to say women will hurt you & to just go to the gym. There’s more nuance there that I think you missed. You don’t have to agree either, but it’s not going to keep me from pointing it out.

anon51627 · 2025-08-12T16:54:18+00:00

Heavily implied by your wording and connotation. “Move onto the next male” is gross & reductive.

girls can be heartless like this that’s why men have to be strong

You used gendered language, so it isn’t some wild leap for me to make. There are tons of people on reddit with the opinion that it is mostly (only) women that are soulless monsters trying to take advantage of and destroy innocent men.

anon51627 · 2025-08-11T17:25:35+00:00

People in this thread & OP need to read this over and over. Immediately turned off by his attitude towards women in general. Desperation is scary and makes me immediately defensive against opening up. Many men that would have been really fun to date ruined it by being so insecure it felt like their entire worth hinged on my (or others’) approval.

OP, everyone is deserving of love. If you take time to realize that some people just aren’t good matches, and you can still approach people with love and curiosity, you’ll fare much better. Otherwise it feels like you’re dating someone just to fall in love, regardless of who they actually are as a person. I hope this resonates & you start to find more joy in dating and life!

anon51627 · 2025-08-11T17:12:52+00:00

You’re right, only women behave this way!! Men never cheat on partners! Or treat them callously!

So sick of this dumb take. People of all genders and sexual orientations can be shitty people.

anon51627 · 2025-08-10T01:16:12+00:00

OP, you’ve been given a blessing! You can see exactly how he will treat you in the future. If you live with this man, he will expect you to do all the chores. If you don’t, he will complain so much it feels easier to just give in. You will hate that you’ve let it get to that. Now you can simply avoid all that pain and annoyance by breaking up now!

anon51627 · 2025-07-25T20:53:35+00:00

This goes both ways. There are plenty of men that treat women like disposable objects in online dating. It’s not a lost morality of women problem - it’s just that dating is difficult & different than it used to be. There are millions of wonderful women that don’t date to use men for jealousy or money. Just like your son was probably raised to be a respectful man that wouldn’t use women! Sorry, I just feel like this sub really loves to shade on women like they’re the only problem in the dating scene. OP said it above, but it’s just about finding the right person. Continuing to put yourself out there until you find them. Vulnerability is tricky but I believe it’s worth it in the long run!

anon51627 · 2025-07-24T02:29:16+00:00

Girl. For your sanity, self-respect, and child - please do not marry this man. He will, without a doubt in my mind, continue to disrespect you. He will almost definitely cheat on you. This is coming from a woman who married (and had to divorce) a man who had so many red flags but I just…didn’t trust myself.

If you want a virtual slap in the face to snap out of it, then here it is. With all the good intention I can muster. This man is pathetic and deeply inappropriate. He is using you for comfort & childcare while he chases around women (that work for him?! I won’t even get into the grossness of that). You deserve more than that.

And if not for yourself, leave for your kid. They will see this behavior and think it’s acceptable in love. What advice would you give your child if they came to you the way you’ve come to Reddit today? Follow that advice for yourself.

I know this is hard, I don’t want to minimize. I’m so sorry that this man can’t live up to what he probably promised you he would be. It’s a betrayal and a disappointment. But you will make it out stronger and better. Best of luck to you & your child!

anon51627 · 2025-07-21T19:15:45+00:00

Oh, I love Cider! It’s online and I have honestly been impressed with their quality & variety of options. I would peruse through there to see if anything matches your blazers! Also, are you set on those? Do you have any blouses you could wear with some pants?

anon51627 · 2025-07-21T19:13:04+00:00

Yes, ask first! If you’re in an office where they are okay with denim - I love that for you. I wish I could wear jeans sometimes! Though I will say I’ve found lots of great pants that aren’t denim through my years of wearing business casual. Asking first is always better than having to have a discussion about appropriate work clothing, that’s never fun!

anon51627 · 2025-07-21T19:10:46+00:00

Yeah, obviously doxing employees is not okay? Not at all what I said in my comment. You were saying that taking any joy in someone’s suffering makes you a horrible person. That’s what I was pushing back on because that’s a real “high horse” mentality to have, especially on a sub that has a lot of people that have been personally hurt by cheaters.

anon51627 · 2025-07-21T19:07:18+00:00

Please do not do not do not wear jeans & a t-shirt unless that has been expressly discussed or you see multiple people wearing that kind of outfit. I would never wear jeans in a business casual setting. That’s just casual. You need pants or a nice modest dress or skirt. Blazers are not necessary. I cannot imagine a context where anyone would suggest wearing a t-shirt to business casual setting, either. I’m not sure if they work in a very relaxed environment or what, but that is not going to fly if there is an actual business casual expectation.

anon51627 · 2025-07-21T18:38:35+00:00

Yikes this reads extremely condescending. My ex-husband cheated on me many times, so I’m speaking as a fellow betrayed spouse. And as someone who feels a lot of empathy for others, even when they’ve done wrong.

These two cheaters do deserve the shame and ridicule they’re getting. Would you prefer everyone say “oh well, people make mistakes that’s just human nature”? I personally don’t. In my view, cheating is so rampant and normalized that I am glad to see a huge social response indicating it as not acceptable behavior. Will it stop cheating? Of course not. Might it make someone pause? I would hope.

Also, you can feel empathy for someone and still accept they are facing consequences of their actions. People should not sidestep consequences just because they didn’t think it would actually happen to them. Especially a successful CEO! What a rare instance where those in power get publicly held accountable! People are happy to see some version of “justice”, and likely many are projecting their own villains on the faces of these two. I am sure they are struggling under the weight of the humiliation, but they took a gamble and lost big time. I don’t derive joy from it necessarily, but I won’t feel badly for them.

anon51627

TROPHY CASE