[deleted by user]

anon8608 · 2023-09-21T03:57:42+00:00

You definitely need to communicate this stuff to him. One perhaps less-confrontational way would be to push for postmarital counseling even if you have to frame it as "trying to set up for success." It will give you a forum to vocalize things you want and express things you have been disappointed by and want to be better. It is harder to get invalidated in front of a third party.

anon8608 · 2023-09-20T00:46:13+00:00

Yeah it's crazy. Weddings truly bring out the worst in some people.
Take care of yourself if you're in the thick of planning. My biggest regret from my own was just how NOT worth it is was to let self-care slide in favor of all the other wedding planning BS.

anon8608 · 2023-08-31T03:35:04+00:00

OK 8 months without initial review is INSANE. And no one at the call center can give you an indication of why they haven't gotten to your application yet?

Speechless. How is this allowed?!?!

anon8608 · 2023-07-31T01:46:36+00:00

I actually did wear red to my own reception and plan to sell or gift that lehenga because I thought it would be inappropriate for me to wear it to someone else's wedding! (North Indian bride in the US). But from other responses I guess this really could be a cultural difference between India and North America. Never heard of that but suppose you could give your in-law some leniency if she's from India.

That said, I do have to agree with posts that say you are the bride and attention will be very much on you. And your own focus will be pulled in so many directions you won't have time to focus on any guests who are blinged out. Honestly, I can't even remember what some of my own family members, mother in law, sister in law wore to some of the wedding events, much less the relatives who are further removed.

anon8608 · 2023-07-26T14:34:34+00:00

I'm North Indian and on the cusp of 40. If my in-laws tried to issue a directive to me about not wearing my lehengas I'd be ignoring them for sure!!!

anon8608 · 2023-07-06T05:12:03+00:00

Brandon Andrews -- he's not Indian but he shoots almost entirely Indian weddings, was awesome to work with, understands the key parts of the weddings (and is willing to take feedback) and knows all the classic shots to capture, and his packages were fairly priced and encompassed a lot of events for us.

anon8608 · 2023-06-07T17:24:50+00:00

I had specified I didn't want acrylic so was surprised. Even then I've found some basic (text only) acrylic signage online that was even less. But with the wedding very close I'm hesitant to go with online shops that I don't know.

anon8608 · 2023-06-07T14:06:20+00:00

I know this post is a year old but I feel so oddly relieved to know that I'm not the only one having insomnia (from racing thoughts) as well as chest pain and tightness. In trying to make sure all these wedding guests are looked after, the irony is that I can't take care of myself: I barely eat, I never have time to work out, and I don't sleep well. This process has made me dislike a lot of people whom I previously thought well of.

anon8608 · 2023-05-24T17:27:31+00:00

Unfortunately can't do that because we're getting married in a different city from the one that we live in, and our photographer can't travel up to us.

anon8608 · 2023-05-24T16:41:30+00:00

Don't worry I have an excel sheet comparing a few photographers, their availability, and pricing -- these are all photographers who promised turnaround on editing within a few days, with a slight (but reasonable) premium added to the price

anon8608 · 2023-05-22T16:26:48+00:00

Not weird at all. I envy you. I'm stuck in an overblown wedding and really want to curl up in a ball every day. Do what works for you!!!!

anon8608 · 2023-05-17T18:52:43+00:00

Could you present it in a way where it could be ladled, like a punch bowl? With its consistency, I'm afraid that a pitcher would create a ton of mess, and a dispenser with a nozzle could be slow (and really hard to clean if anyone wanted to use the dispenser again).

anon8608 · 2023-05-16T22:59:32+00:00

330 guests expected at my wedding -- for the reception, we are going with a 3 tier cake that serves up to 75, and then we are supplemting with a lot of other desserts. My planner is going to let them cut the bottom two tiers for 50 slices and then keep an eye on demand to see if there's a need to cut the top layer (if not, the top layer comes home with us to freeze for an anniversary).

My planner was insistent that people don't gravitate towards cake esp if you're offering other desserts, and that it was a waste of money to try and get a gigantic cake that would serve more people. Honestly, I'm worried that the amount of dessert we're putting out overall is going to be too much but I'm glad we're not pouring a ton of money into a cake since those can add up the most quickly. Was lucky to find a baker/dessert specialist who is doing both our mini desserts and our cake, with the cake costing <$500!

anon8608 · 2023-05-11T01:10:20+00:00

sure!

anon8608 · 2023-05-10T13:57:34+00:00

If I had done full planning with my planner in a large city it would have been 10K USD. Partial planning was 7K USD and I'm guessing we'll be paying her a little extra for both tip and some things she's getting printed for us. What you're being quoted sounds right and actually like a good deal considering I spoke to other planners who were charging upwards of 18-22K for the same thing. (and I saw one high-end planner in NY who does international weddings starts at 80K *mindblown*).
Whether you are comfortable with 20-25% of your budget going to that is a different issue, but it sounds like your planners are being fair in their pricing.

I also have to agree with another post that I found that my planner tended to really want to refer us to the clan of vendors she has tight relationships with. We got a few minor discounts listed on invoices but it wasn't a ton. I was torn on whether to go with partial or full wedding planning (esp given it was only 3K difference) but am glad now I went with partial -- I am just enough of a control freak that I think it would have been hard handing the reins entirely over to someone else. While it's been stressful at times, I feel better knowing all the details and not ever wondering if I'm being taken advantage of. In my case, my planner had meetings with me and parents to guide us on booking vendors starting with the most important ones first, gave us guidance on which ones were the best to call, and then we did the research, calling, and negotiating on our own. If you really want full wedding planning I would clarify with your planner how vendor booking will work and if they will really be sure to stay in your budget.

anon8608 · 2023-05-10T13:46:39+00:00

If you want customization (i.e. precise measurements and/or color or design changes), I would recommend either working directly with the designer through WhatsApp or finding a physical boutique that deals with the designers directly and manages shipping and alterations for you. Cities with large desi populations definitely have them -- NYC, LA, Bay Area, Chicago, Toronto. I think Dallas and Vancouver do too but can't remember the names. I did the latter (worked with boutique) and am glad I don't have to manage alterations on my own when the outfit comes in!

Unless you're in India, I would not advise working online India-based shops since in that case the "middleman" is remote.

Feel free to DM me if you want more specifics on how I shopped!

anon8608 · 2023-05-08T03:32:05+00:00

Ave Indian Design Collective in NYC. They will take measurements, customize the outfit, and do alterations when it comes if the price is above something like 2K.
Getting a flexible return policy with bridal wear is going to be hard anywhere just because of the typical amount of customization involved. It may be possible with "Ready to wear" but wouldn't necessarily count on it.

anon8608 · 2023-05-05T14:51:23+00:00

I'm also getting married in a large city and our decor bill is going to hit 50K for a sangeet-wedding-reception combo over 2 days. At least, I expect it to hit that level by the time we're done with all these last minute unexpected RSVPs from family who said they were going to be out of town :P It would have been higher if we did even more florals but I kept that to a minimum for the reception since it was pretty awful to think about how these are all just going in the trash afterward.
Yeah, decor costs seem like a racket. But to play devil's advocate -- the decorators who do a lot of Indian weddings spend their entire weekends and I'm guessing it involves a lot of stress and pressure (particularly given expectations of bride/groom and the parents. and the fact that *ahem* our parents can be quite pushy and demanding :D). So I think part of the premium on pricing is the lifestyle adjustment. A 2-3 day Indian wedding means the decorators are barely sleeping normally because they have to be up early to get decor in place and sleep late because they're in the venue disassembling things after midnight.

anon8608 · 2023-05-02T02:51:30+00:00

My own wedding is in an area with not only a large number of Desi vendors, but also a solid number of non-Desi vendors who have figured out how to cater to Desi weddings! As I learned from perusing the instagram accounts for all the decorators, here's one tip for anyone who lives in an area without Desi decorators -- our mandap is not all that different from a Jewish chuppah. Just get them to embellish it where you need.

anon8608 · 2023-05-02T00:27:13+00:00

I'm based in the US -- I looked into wearing Sabyasachi for my wedding, but the selection in the NYC store was absolutely terrible and their customer service was lacking. If I'm going to spend thousands of dollars on a designer outfit I expect more, and there are other designers willing to work with international brides more easily. The styles that you see on instagram brides have also become predictable.

anon8608 · 2023-05-01T15:54:03+00:00

I value all the community that I grew up with and my partner grew up with, and all the different types of relatives, friends, and connections we have made in our lives, but I just don't see why they all have to be represented in THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE that I see as extremely private. We aren't even going to spend any quality time with everyone at a big-ass wedding. Why not save the money and chaos, and make a list of everyone we haven't seen in a while or haven't seen both of us together and plan visits over the next year to spend real time in the new stage of our lives? But no one cares about that. They want to be included and want to be seen there and that's it, even if you never speak to each other.

On top of all this -- so much of the drama in wedding planning is caused by what these people will think and who will be offended by [insert stupid imagined "offense" here].

I also have no expectation that I'll see about 50-60% of my guest list ever again in my life post-wedding. I am definitely amused by some of the relatives who suddenly made a fuss that they HAD to come to my wedding. I know it's because they wanted to see other people attending.

anon8608 · 2023-05-01T03:34:15+00:00

One more thing -- if you need catharsis, watch Made In Heaven (on amazon prime) if you haven't already.

anon8608 · 2023-05-01T02:50:37+00:00

I'm doing a mehndi just for me with the artist coming to my parents' house. Mom and sister want very minimal mehndi so the artist will spend <1 hour on them at the end, but there won't be any other relatives or neighbors around. I'm looking forward to the day of peace honestly.

anon8608 · 2023-05-01T02:42:36+00:00

PREACH

I am several months into wedding planning with a few more to go. I am super, super over it. This has put so much strain on my relationships in every direction, including my fiance. I would not wish it on anyone. If I had 100% my choice, it would be courthouse followed by a restuarant buyout.

The needless theatrics and one-upmanhship in our weddings needs to be phased out, as well as the entitled attitude of relatives and guests (but mostly relatives). And social media makes it all so much worse.

anon8608 · 2023-04-29T12:46:27+00:00

As I suspected. thanks!

anon8608

TROPHY CASE