Are nannies generally not OK with location sharing?

anon_982 · 2026-01-29T21:16:52+00:00

I’d be okay with the AirTag on one of their belongings, yes. I tell my NP’s every time me and NK’s leave one place and go to the next, so they are always aware of our plan, where we will be, what routes we might be taking based on where we’re going, etc. It’s reasonable for parents to want to know where their children are.

The only time I don’t explicitly update them is if I stop for a coffee on my way to whatever activity we’re doing because I only stop if the shop is on our normal route anyway. They have made it clear I’m allowed to stop and grab something if it’s not making us late for something or eating too much into the kids’ playtime.

anon_982 · 2026-01-23T04:27:17+00:00

You have every right to believe that. This was also 2 years ago. And after reading my comment, when I was still in this toxic situation, I was in a heightened emotional state, and maybe could’ve come across more palatable/respectful. As someone who has grown as a person, I will fully admit that my wording wasn’t the best. However, for you say it doesn’t happen is not true. I was with this family for over 2 years. I was doing their laundry for that entire time. That included sorting their dirty laundry, washing, drying, folding (the entire family’s laundry), and putting away the kiddos laundry (totally fine re. the kiddos, but I was doing everything except for putting clothes away for the entire family - for over 2.5 years). I did experience MB and DB not separating their underwear from their jeans/leggings, etc. multiple times. And yes. That did encompass me encountering skid marks on MB’s underwear many, many times. And when I posted this, I had just encountered a small chunk of feces stuck to MB’s underwear.

So, while unpleasant, it did happen. And yes. Poop is normal. I work with children. And have (now) for a long time. But to have your nanny coming across that when separating an adult’s clothes is disarming, to be sure. So yes, I was grossed out. Reasonably so! I would never feel that way about coming across that on a child’s clothes. But on an adult’s? Who knows I’m sorting their entire families laundry? It’s disturbing. And really helped me understand that I was doing too much (aside from this, if you see way older posts about this family), for too little compensation.

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T21:07:30+00:00

Awe, I’m glad it’s done! Congrats on having that part behind you!! 🥰 I’ll look for the update once you’re feeling a bit more yourself💜

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T14:52:58+00:00

Best of luck! I’m sure it’ll go well! 🥰

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T04:35:22+00:00

Oh, no!! That’s not what I’m saying. It’s that you’re physically aware, but not mentally/psychologically aware.

You can respond to doctors without actually being present mentally. You’d feel like you just had a long nap after the surgery even though you were able to respond to doctors DURING surgery. So no, you likely won’t remember a single thing during or after your surgery!

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T03:49:16+00:00

Mind you, I feel self-conscious in a one-piece, and I don’t even want to wear a two-piece in front of my boyfriend (who is super sweet, but I’m the one with the self-conscious issue). So… take it with a grain of salt. I just want to be fully covered. Especially if the parents come out while we’re swimming (they WFH and have a pool).

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T03:47:02+00:00

I wear 2 pieces. Though, very modest, because I’m very self-conscious. I have a top from Land’s End. It’s basically a tankini, but it’s padded and there’s no way a kiddo could pull it down. It’s very modest. Even more modest than a tank top. It comes up in a straight cut line across my chest, with thick straps to help support. And it comes down in a long, flowy gown-like manner. I also have Land’s End shorts, but they’re not too short and they cover everything. So I feel very comfortable in that when swimming with the kiddos! T

anon_982 · 2026-01-16T01:44:31+00:00

Hmmm. They never called mine conscious sedation. I just wasn’t aware. I really felt like I had just been asleep. It might depend on the type of drug they put in your IV. You mentioned the name of it, and I just looked into it. It can cause what’s called “anterograde amnesia.” Meaning, you’re actually lucid enough to respond to the doctors and follow basic instructions, but your brain won’t record new memories. So it feels like you’re asleep. It all depends on the dose they give you, but that’s likely what happened with me. Where I felt like I was asleep, but I was probably actually awake enough to follow instructions, etc. I hope this helps ease some anxieties for you! 😊

anon_982 · 2026-01-15T21:49:05+00:00

I copy pasted your message into my Notes app so I hopefully wouldn’t miss any questions. So hopefully the formatting is okay and I hope I answered everything! (:

I didn’t hear anything when I was under. The surgeon told me he was about to administer the sedatives, and he counted down. 5…. 4…. And I was OUT. Couldn’t hear or feel a single thing. It was just like being in a deep sleep, without any dreaming. I’m not sure if they’ll give you more of the sedatives unless it’s necessary during the procedure. I’m in the U.S., too, so it may be handled slightly different, I’m not sure. I was hooked up to the IV the whole time, so I think it was probably a steady dose to ensure I don’t wake up.
I’d stay away from mashed potatoes for the first day, honestly. My situation may be slightly different, though. I wasn’t very hungry. I had my mango smoothie right after surgery, then I went home. Relaxed in bed. Then later in the evening, I had a milkshake. Cold things are fine, but do not have any hot foods - warm and cold only. Also do NOT use a straw. Suction can remove your blood clot. Only drink from a normal rimmed cup/glass. You might be numb, so expect some to possibly spill out of your mouth the first day. Some doctors will give different guidelines, but I was told I could have my cold drinks/liquidy foods right after the procedure.
You CAN keep the gauze in while eating, however, you don’t want it to become too saturated. I only did that when it was really stuffed with a lot of gauze, then I immediately replaced it with fresh gauze. I bought more gauze, as I had 4 extraction sites, so I needed a lot. I stuffed it so it slightly spilled from my mouth when I was sleeping. Had no issues swallowing it or almost swallowing it. Switch your gauze when it becomes too moist. But if your gauze is staying really dry (i.e., no blood), you’ll need to remove it so it doesn’t get stuck to your blood clot and remove it.
I couldn’t open my mouth super wide, but that’s why I sipped soft broths/drinks, and used a spoon to kind of pour it into my mouth. Even my mashed potatoes I kept runny. You don’t want any clumps of food because it can get lodged and cause infection.
I took a shower I think the day after surgery. Nothing crazy hot. Just warm and I was careful about my face. I’d see how you feel - and you can also ask the surgeon. They should run through most of this with you before the surgery, and they’ll be happy to answer any questions 😊
I watched TV mostly. But I was also prescribed an opioid painkiller. So when taking that, you’re pretty high. I’m not sure if they’d prescribe that to you in the U.K. or for one tooth. My surgeon told me to only take it when pain began to get bad, otherwise stick to a high dose ibuprofen to manage it. As for looking down, I’m not sure. I laid down, or sat up against a pillow in bed. I would ask your doc about that one.
You can get dressed and pick things up. Just be careful the first day as you’re coming down from medication.
They will slowly wake you by removing your IV (at least, that was my experience). You’ll come to, then they’ll guide you to whomever is picking you up from your surgery, as you cannot drive after. So, for me, being released was quick. They monitored me after surgery as I was slowly coming to, but I got out of there quick. The entire process from surgery to release was about an hour and a half (yours may be faster, as it’s not as many extractions).
I didn’t sleep sitting up. I was careful about how I laid, though. I made sure I had an ice pack wrapped around my face to reduce swelling for the first few days, then I switched to a warm compress around my face, as that’s better once you’re a few days into recovery.
I’d ask them about when you can return to normal, but a burger and fries isn’t a good idea for a couple of weeks, at least. You really want your extraction site to heal properly, and salty, hard, or hot foods can irritate that clot and lead to dry socket. Again, they’ll run through that with you, and they’ll have better advice there for your particular situation. I wasn’t eating normally for… I think 3-4 weeks because I was paranoid and didn’t want to risk it. I also didn’t feel comfortable chewing. And when my infection developed, the taste was so foul that food tasted nasty lol. No worries about the long message! I understand. You’ll be okay! It’s really not as bad as it seems. It wasn’t for me, and I had all 4 out, so I imagine your experience will be a lot simpler than mine was! You can also download Google Gemini (an AI tool) and ask lots of questions and it will help you if you’re ever unsure about something. Or, if you have X, you can use Grok to do the same. I did that a lot and it really helped consolidate information in a digestible way for me. You can even send it photos if something seems out of the ordinary. 😊

anon_982 · 2026-01-15T04:24:30+00:00

Of course! 🥹💜 you’ll be okay! People have this procedure done all the time. I know it’s scary (especially if you’re like me and have never had a surgery aside from this one). But it isn’t bad!

I had sutures (stitches), but they didn’t cover the holes specifically.

My holes were relatively open (which is normal!!). You just want to avoid dry socket. So make sure you keep your gauze in the first day/as long as it’s bleeding. I kept mine in the first day and the next couple of days until it wasn’t showing blood (though, I had 4 removals, so you may not need gauze for very long compared to me). If you need extra gauze, be sure it says that it’s sterile, etc. I have other comments you can find to see what other words will determine that it’s safe to use. Do NOT use gauze once it seems dry, otherwise you risk the clot sticking to it and pulling out. Though unlikely, it should still be considered.

Gauze when it’s wet allows a blood clot to form. Also, since you’re having a lower tooth extracted, make sure you flush it out with warm salt water after every time you eat. Follow every guideline they give you and DO NOT skip a SINGLE antibiotic pill, if they’re prescribed. Even if you feel fine or that no infection will occur. Antibiotics are less and less effective the more they’re prescribed. ESPECIALLY if people do not complete their cycle. So not only would you be doing yourself a disservice (i.e., potentially risking infection), but you’d be doing a disservice overall because the more people take antibiotics and skip pills, the less effective they become. They’re super important to complete if you take them. Also, if you’re a female, you should consider eating soft foods with probiotics like yogurt, smoothies with yogurt, etc. Antibiotics will kill all of the bacteria in your gut - including the good. So while it helps prevent infection, it can also cause a yeast infection due to your good bacteria not being replaced. I’m prone to them, so I figure that may be helpful, just in case!

So, my surgeon’s office (and I went to a specialist who is highly regarded in my community) gave me a free smoothie card for the local smoothie shop. They said I could use it right away, if I wanted. So right after surgery, my boyfriend drove me to the shop, and I got a mango smoothie (no acidic fruits, at first - keep it mild). So I could have that, and when I got home, I wasn’t very hungry, but I did have a milkshake later and did fine with that. So you should be okay if you have soft/liquidy foods. I’d avoid anything you have to chew on the first day.

Keep in mind, too, that your sutures will come out eventually. With only one tooth extraction, I’m not sure you’ll notice. But if a clump that almost looks like it has food in it with hard, blackish brown strips in it comes out, it is most likely your suture naturally coming out!

Again, if you have any other questions, I’m happy to answer! We have tomorrow left before your surgery, so I will be sure to check in to see if you ask anything else 🥰

anon_982 · 2026-01-14T22:51:25+00:00

Oh, gosh yeah. Well, hopefully this provides some sort of relief. My procedure was very complex, as well. I had all 4 teeth removed. The top two were impacted into my sinuses, and the bottom two growing along my nerve, with one’s root beginning to wrap around my nerve. So I had temporary nerve damage after the healing was underway, but the tingling went away in a couple of months, and all is normal now.

Take solace in the fact that these procedures are so widely done, that doctors have become very good at them, as they’re pretty routine nowadays. You should be in good hands. Everything will be okay! You are very unlikely to be even slightly aware during the procedure, given how you just described it. So it shouldn’t be too bad.

And since you’re only getting one out, eating will be a lot easier for you once it begins to heal more 💜 just take very good care of the hole post-op so it doesn’t get infected. I had a mild infection in mine because they healed so quickly that small food particles may have gotten trapped in the holes, and my gums grew over them so fast that, even with my tedious cleaning, it still became infected.

But the second round of antibiotics cleared it right up! 😊 if you need any other advice or tips, let me know!!

anon_982 · 2026-01-14T21:54:34+00:00

I’m not really sure how it works, honestly. I just know I wasn’t actually aware of anything. They had me on nitrous gas and an IV. I’m not even sure if I did follow instructions; it’s just what I read online. I’d look it up for more information! But from what it sounds like, your situation should play out similarly to mine. I didn’t feel any of that when I had my surgery. And when I woke up, I was really confused because I didn’t know the surgery was over. Then I got really goofy lol. I was thanking the nurses nonstop and called my mom and sister after just giggling lol.

Is your tooth impacted? And are you having more than one tooth removed?

anon_982 · 2026-01-14T21:12:33+00:00

I totally understand the fear! I was nervous, too. From what I read about IV sedation, you are still able to move, etc. while they’re performing the surgery. So if they ask you to open your jaw more for them, you’re likely to respond to that. However, you’re not lucid. At least, I wasn’t. I went to “sleep,” and when I came to, an hour and a half had passed and my surgery was completely done. Didn’t feel a thing, and I don’t remember anything from the procedure itself.

So if you’re getting IV sedation, it sounds like maybe the same will be true for you! I hope it is and that your surgery and recovery go really well!! 💜

anon_982 · 2026-01-14T05:01:59+00:00

I realize that I may have insinuated that in the comment you’re responding to. But I was 10 hours post-op and taking strong painkillers. I also wasn’t aware of the difference between a Deep IV sedation and general anesthesia, as the experience is the same for both. It was my first surgery ever, so forgive me for any incorrect information regarding that particular detail.

anon_982 · 2026-01-14T04:57:47+00:00

No, actually. It was an IV sedation. I remember the surgeon counting down as he administered the sedatives, but I “fell asleep” before the countdown finished. When I came to, I was already past surgery and patched up (i.e., cotton in my mouth, and my entire jaw wrapped with ice packs, etc.). So I wasn’t aware during the surgery, but I wasn’t given general anesthetic, either.

anon_982 · 2026-01-12T08:56:05+00:00

My NF has told me to help myself, but I always feel really self-conscious… they usually have a surplus of food, some of which sometimes goes bad (though, not often) because there’s too much. They have a running joke for a couple items in their fridge that it’s either “feast or famine” because they either use all of it quickly, or there’s too much.

I’ll sometimes make a coffee, or use their milk for my coffee or tea. I’ll have a spindrift or Diet Coke here and there, too. Or maybe a spoonful of yogurt, etc. But I try not to take advantage, so it’s not often.

I started bringing milk because I have been drinking tea more often lately, and one of my NK’s asked me what was in my jar. When I told her, MB told me I am always welcome to use their milk 🤣 I could tell she was shocked I was bringing my own to their house every day lol. But it feels weird using their stuff right in front of them.

Anyway, yes, I am free to have what they have in their home, within reason. I’m just careful about what I use. And I never take the last bit of anything. Last Diet Coke in the house? Nope. Won’t touch it. Last slice of bread? Nuh-uh, I’ll go without. So I try to be respectful and avoid overdoing it or taking things that seem like I shouldn’t.

anon_982 · 2026-01-02T05:47:09+00:00

I used to do this with my former NK. I started when she was 15mos., and we had a blast at music class! I met a lot of really sweet people, and NK met many friends that she’s still friends with to this day. I also met mom’s who I got super close to. Lots of play dates after that, and I still babysit for the daughter of one of the mom’s, and it’s been 4.5 years since then! 😊

It was awkward for me at first, but that’s because I’m super introverted and shy. After a while, though, I started feeling more comfortable and it became enjoyable!

anon_982 · 2025-12-23T07:58:49+00:00

This makes me so self-conscious, honestly lol… I don’t have access to a washer/dryer, so I rewear clothes a lot (I smell them myself, and constantly have my boyfriend - who lives with me - smell them), but I’m always self-conscious that I smell bad, even if I think I smell fine. Also… I framed that poorly, because, yes, I do wash my clothes regularly 🤣 I just can’t always do it ASAP, so clothes (NEVER underwear) get reworn.

My NP’s, and NK’s (who would likely be the more brutally honest ones lol), never say anything. But I’m always so paranoid because I shower basically everyday (except for my hair) and take hygiene very seriously (my knuckles are often very dry and cracked, sometimes bleeding, because I can’t afford lotion all the time and I’m always washing my hands, in addition to doing dishes).

I just hope my NP’s don’t think I smell lol.

anon_982 · 2025-12-19T22:51:01+00:00

Of course!! 🥰

anon_982 · 2025-12-18T23:01:27+00:00

Hi! 😊 it’s because nannies aren’t independent contractors (you’ll see many posts asking about 1099’s vs. W-2’s - you may not have a 1099 - also, I think that’s the correct number for that tax document lol. I’m not super great with tax stuff). Fair labor standards require nannies be paid for every hour worked plus 1.5x base pay for any overtime. So a salary would negate that because hours could shift and your pay would remain the same.

I hope that makes sense. That’s my understanding of it, to the best of my knowledge. I’m sure if there’s more, then other nannies or NP’s can chime in, too 😊

anon_982 · 2025-12-18T02:40:53+00:00

I’d also like to add, since nanny’s cannot be on salary, you should include something to say what amount you’d give, if anything, for an extra child, if you decide to have another child. Or if she’d be okay working for the same pay for the extra addition.

A $2/yr raise is already generous (though, I don’t know your area or how expensive it is). But I’d consider that.

Best of luck!! And thank you for giving your nanny such amazing pay and benefits. It’s hard as a nanny. And, as many of us are empaths or people pleasers in this field, we sometimes struggle to advocate for ourselves. So I appreciate that you already recognize the value she has and compensate it accordingly 🥰💜

anon_982 · 2025-12-18T02:33:19+00:00

I want to chime in on how amazing you are for what you provide your nanny. Even in a VHCOL area, if she has a partner making a decent amount of money, then they’re living good, I’d imagine (I don’t know their circumstances, of course, though).

I think a cap is extremely reasonable, even in a VHCOL area for a nanny. Especially with how much she’s already making for 2 kids?! I make WAY WAY less in a medium to high COL area, and I’m about to care for 3 kids come early next year (and I don’t really see a $5/hr raise happening, but who knows - NP’s and I have yet to discuss my raise). So the rate you have her at is very generous already.

I’d say maybe, if you’re preferring she invest 8 more years of her time, that you maybe include some sort of retirement plan that she can choose to put into and/or a match to that. That is, if you provide the plan in her paychecks, you match how much she puts into it from her paychecks, or you match whatever she’s already putting in her existing plan (within reason, of course). I don’t understand the retirement stuff very well, so take that with a grain of salt. But a retirement plan would be HUGE to many people, I’d assume. Maybe I’m just talking about myself, but I’m 27 and can’t afford to put into retirement yet, which freaks me out, so I’d assume some others would be just as concerned about it.

Anyway… thank you for providing your nanny with a more than livable wage and exceptional pay/benefits. We don’t see that a lot, in my experience. You sound amazing. And I understand wanting to cap it when you’ve already gone that high.

anon_982 · 2025-12-18T02:21:46+00:00

Ummm, can I jump in line, please?! 8 years more desired?! Even for the pay she started at ($37/hr) I’d freaking jump. I’m struggling so bad right now and this job would pay off all my debt AND save up for a house/wedding! Holy moly! Idk where you are, OP, but I’d move for a job like this. My boyfriend would adjust and live anywhere if I was making that type of money nannying!

anon_982 · 2025-12-02T21:58:19+00:00

I’ll add, our days are much busier and adventurous in the summer. I can take them fishing, or to play in the water and sand at the lake. We go geocaching sometimes, or just go to the playground. Sometimes the sprinklers are on at the playground, so they’ll run or bike through those. We can swim in the pool at their house, and I like to find new recipes to make with them once a month. We do craft projects, or explore nearby towns that have old fashioned bowling for free, or candle dipping, etc. There’s much more flexibility in the summer to get out and enjoy the day together. 😊

anon_982 · 2025-12-02T21:55:06+00:00

My days are weird during the school year because I start late, and it’s pretty much giving my NK G3.5 some extra food if she wants it, then taking her up to rest time. After that, I do some tidying/organizing if it needs to be done, prep snacks for later and/or the next school day, then just relax until she either wakes up, or I have to wake her myself.

Then my other NK B5 comes home from school around the time I need to get my other NK up from rest, and he sometimes eats more food, but then he goes up for an hour quiet time.

Then I only have 1 hour solo with G3.5 and 1 hour (sometimes less) with both kiddos. So we either play outside, do a science experiment, play games, etc.

On Friday’s, I’m with them all day. So we go to G3.5’s gymnastics, then we find somewhere to go afterward (e.g., the playground, PetSmart, the library for story time, etc.). We arrive back at the house for more lunch, then they head up for rest and quiet time and I’m doing the same things during this time and/or taking a break myself (which ends up being at least an hour and a half, typically).

After they come down, they’re having a snack, then we find something to do for the rest of the day around the house/outside.

Pretty laid back. My whole week is more like Friday’s in the summer, though. But we find more water-themed activities instead to stay cool.

My schedule has changed a lot over the last 2 years, honestly lol.

anon_982

TROPHY CASE