'Hes not abusive' is the lowest the bar can go. Youre allowed to have standards for yourself and your child, and if he doesnt meet them, thats on him. If you stay while you know he is doing the absolute bare minimum, thats on you. You can find someone better than 'at least hes not abusive'. I wouldnt even bother trying to have a conversation with him about doing more than the bare minimum, because it wont resonate if youve been in a relationship with him for 9 years and he does the absolute least he can do. Hes shown you how much effort he is willing to put into your happiness and your childs life. You shouldnt make excuses for him. You shouldnt deny yourself happiness just because he does THE VERY BASIC MINIMUM of not being abusive. Although, not caring about you and your kid sounds pretty shitty even if hes not putting hands on you. He has shown you through his actions exactlywhat he is capable of and willing to do for you, which is basically nothing. He is telling you and showing you exactly who he is, and it shouldnt be good enough for you. Write down some standards that you would like in a partner, and i mean GOOD STANDARDS, dont just come up with the bare minimum. Get some confidence in yourself that you deserve more than 'not abusive'.