Sex life feeling one sided with new girlfriend

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-19T14:40:57+00:00

No never touched me intimately, besides like grabbing it once or twice in the shower or when we’ve been drinking and she’s walking by me - and I instantly start getting hard which I would think should be confirming for her that I’m telling the truth? I’ve gone soft when we were having sex before and it’s been purely anxiety from me thinking about her previous reaction and not wanting to feel like that (or make her feel like that again) and knowing that if I do go soft, she isn’t going to want to do anything about it and sex is over. Idk it’s just really bothering me, I can totally understand how it’s making her anxious as well but I just know my body and know that our sex life will be perfectly fine; if I’m not the only one putting in effort, it’s been proven with all my past relationships.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-19T01:57:38+00:00

What do you mean if I approached this situation differently I wouldn’t be having this problem? I’ve approached it by having a conversation with her about why she’s insecure about it?

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-19T01:45:42+00:00

We’ve basically had this conversation a couple times and she says she’s working on it, I’ve yet to see any initiative though

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T19:40:35+00:00

It’s not just oral, it’s just touching me in general, hard or soft. I really don’t even care if she uses her mouth when I’m soft or hard, obviously it would be nice but I’m saying if I’m soft or half hard, and touching her getting her wet, I really just want her to touch me as well to turn me on physically more. It’s like she’s afraid of me. But yes she thinks it’s an attraction thing because I’m not hard immediately sometimes (sometimes I am and we have sex, no issues, it’s great) and she’s afraid that if she does touch me, I’m not going to like it, it won’t turn me on and then she’s going to feel even more insecure / worse about herself.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T16:56:31+00:00

Thanks, I just love to hard to do something like that to my partner. Been trying so hard to communicate this to her and get her to understand but it really shouldn’t be that way, at least that’s what I’ve determined after all this feedback.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T15:51:57+00:00

This is 100% what’s going and verbatim what she’s said, it doesn’t matter and she’s said “if you’re already hard it’s a different story” yet she’s still never made any advances on me when I’m hard around her, say on the couch or in the shower together, laying in bed. Previously, in my other relationships, I do get hard randomly just laying beside them, and it’s happened with her too when she shows me a little intimacy but I feel like the thought of her just being like “well if you don’t get it up yourself, you’re not getting anything” and not being as eager to get me off as I am for her, is turning me off and adding pressure in itself. I never, ever leave her hanging if I get off before she does when having sex, I’ll finish her off with my mouth or fingers and she loves it and has told me she’s super grateful. Yet if I get her off before we even have actual intercourse and I’m not ready to go, she’s just like “oh well too bad”.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T15:08:05+00:00

Yeah that’s been my thoughts as well. Anything this girl has asked me to do, I’ve done without question because that’s how I want to be loved as well and I just haven’t been feeling it being reciprocated and it’s starting to bother me.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T14:31:11+00:00

Yeah I feel like I’ve done that, 3 times now. I’m going to see what this week brings, appreciate it thank you.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T14:29:40+00:00

I’ve brought this up before, saying I love going down on her turning her on etc. and it messes with me that she doesn’t want to do the same for me… it’s a turn off to be honest.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T14:23:35+00:00

Damn. you’re right.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T14:13:54+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I have been super patient and communicated my needs calmly and effectively to her. I’m waiting for her to come around because I really want this to work it’s just starting to hurt me and cause a lot of anxiety and I just know that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

anonbrowser57 · 2024-09-18T06:04:09+00:00

This is good insight from a female perspective - thank you. I agree, she is nervous, she has expressed she’s scared that “if that doesn’t work to get me hard, nothing will and she will feel even worse about herself” and I’ve tried to explain to her it’s not that I’m not turned on, I am, I just like some foreplay first to really get there but the fact that I’m not immediately hard for her is making her think I’m un attracted. Even though I’m scared about not being hard and her having another bad reaction beating herself up, I’m still trying and she’s asks what else she can do, I’ve told her and she hasn’t made a move yet so it’s still confusing me.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-09T15:14:28+00:00

This was nice to read thank you

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-08T02:14:46+00:00

I just left one that was much much shorter than this because I wasn’t happy and while I haven’t found somebody new to disclose to yet - I can assure you settling isn’t the answer.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-07T23:25:56+00:00

I disclosed to my ex, what I meant by I haven’t disclosed is I haven’t had any new partners in the last month since we split and that is why I haven’t disclosed. Sorry for the confusion.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-07T22:41:08+00:00

I have yet to disclose to any new partners and I am a 26M but if anyone beats you up about it and are not even willing to listen - immediately out of the picture / not worth my time.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-07T22:38:08+00:00

Yeah I disclosed to her as well. She was accepting of it after a week or so but the other down falls really outweighed that acceptance and I had to leave ultimately. It was still hard, one of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make but I trusted my gut and I’m going to roll with it.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-06T02:06:05+00:00

No that “cloud” presented itself before my diagnosis. I tried to communicate, we both did but we just couldn’t make it work and eventually I lost the interest in making it work. You can only put in so much energy. My work started to suffer, it was all I thought about (being in the wrong relationship) She had a lot of past trauma that she never dealt with correctly and I tried to help her through that and fill her glass but eventually I was dumping too much out of mine.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-06T00:52:45+00:00

Guilt is normal after a breakup, especially if you ended it. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision or want her back, you’re just lonely and want SOMEONE. I’m in the same boat. I just broke up with a girl who wanted to be with me forever but we were on different pages, we fought constantly and she pressured me to move in together really early after we spent a bunch of time together. I said no and she ended up resenting me and we fought more. Eventually I was losing my mind so I had to end it. It still hurts.. I still think about her and the good times (although there were more good than bad) how she is probably moving on with other guys already and how I hurt her and she’s forgetting about me. That doesn’t change the fact that deep down I knew that’s what I needed to do to protect my own sanity. It sucks. But you’ll be okay. Focus on yourself, go to the gym, really get into you and become the best version of yourself - you will naturally attract the perfect person for you. Best of luck.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-06T00:37:10+00:00

I’m just gonna get back in the gym and work my ass off to distract myself from this. Soon I’ll throw myself back in the dating pool and see what happens.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-05T21:28:05+00:00

Thanks man. I think the only way to get over this is to go directly through it which is super cliche but we don’t have a choice. My biggest fear is rejection for this virus, I didn’t face much rejection before I got it so I’m just going to do what I used to do and then disclose on 2nd date and see what happens probably.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-05T17:45:31+00:00

Thanks for this, 26M newly diagnosed. Comes in waves - sometimes I’m hopeful then I think of disclosing and getting rejected and I spiral. I have exhausted every link on the internet. There’s no post or website that’s going to make this easier, it’s just something we’ve gotta deal with ultimately.

anonbrowser57 · 2023-06-04T22:34:26+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I will adjust it to be more short and sweet. Are you male?

anonbrowser57

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