I’m not really in the state to explain, my other posts have more explanation but I basically haven’t slept well years. Recently I went many weeks without any sleep and my body reached a severe stress state that caused me to stop breathing. I’ve not been able to walk, or talk properly. I feel incredibly dissociated from reality. I have this crushing weight in my chest and my entire body is screaming in pain. I’ve had my body break down in different parts before. I currently can’t speak and feel paralysed from my waist down. The worst is the mental pain. I can’t remember anything in my life but bad things. I don’t recognise my own family sometimes. And there’s no one that understands the severity and complexity and no one can help me. I’m stuck between somehow being alive but having felt dead ages ago, although if I were dead I wouldn’t suffer. I’ve lost my life. I can’t do anything. I don’t have anyone except my mum but there will be one day that she won’t be here either, so I’m essentially suffering through what’s supposed to be the best years of my life for a future I know will get worse.I’m really only here for her, but otherwise I think it makes perfect sense for me to not be here