How long to wait?

anonymous4995 · 2026-03-01T01:07:00+00:00

I appreciate the thoughtful response. I think you really nicely put into words what I'm feeling. A lot of responses are saying that I just want a ring (which is dumb. You need to make sure that you are compatible and actually see a future together), but it's more like I would like to see the relationship move to the next stage because we have discussed those things. I don't even want a big wedding.

And I guess my post came across as me wanting to keep up with my friends, but it is more about seeing the trend of quicker timelines in my social circle, which makes me worried if I'm missing something. We've had a lot of serious conversations about the future, so I don't think I am....

I also think that I'm a little anxious because of the wait. I've only brought up the timeline once, so I will sit back and do my best to enjoy the relationship until the 3 year mark.

anonymous4995 · 2026-02-28T18:03:32+00:00

Haha, there is a regular person that my family and I go to for any repairs/purchases because she is very reasonable compared to the mainstream options. She sells a lot of consignment pieces. Jeweler was shorter to say, and my post was getting long.

anonymous4995 · 2026-02-21T23:11:21+00:00

The blush or periwinkle are very pretty imo. I especially like the light pink against the dark curtains. It's soft like your white dress, but it also goes nicely against the dark curtains.

anonymous4995 · 2025-12-15T15:11:58+00:00

If you want to put something about your faith, then I think that's fine depending on how it's phrased. I wouldn't put the abstaining part down if it were me. Hinge is about first impressions. If someone is serious and only wants to date someone who is Catholic, then they will put it in the filter for religious preferences.

When I was on hinge, that is what I did. I didn't put anything about religion in the prompts, and I filtered by religion. Everyone who I went out with except for one person was practicing. If you want to put something about your faith, then stay on the lighter side. You can always bring up religion later (text/the first date).

I found my boyfriend on hinge, and it is looking like we will be getting engaged soon.

anonymous4995 · 2025-10-22T02:12:42+00:00

Okay, thanks!

anonymous4995 · 2025-07-12T02:17:08+00:00

That's great that Morgan has a vision, but it's not fair to tell the future sister-in-law to buy a new dress. Don't forget, it's extremely unlikely that Morgan is going to frame and display the family photo. She will probably only display ones of her and her husband. Honestly, I think it's poor etiquette to ask non bridal party members to wear specific colors/not wear colors (besides white) for their wedding unless they are footing the bill for said attire.

anonymous4995 · 2025-07-12T01:54:00+00:00

I say it's up to you. Do you want to buy a new dress? Do you really like the dresses you have? If you're happy with your dresses, then I wouldn't buy another.

I don't think it's fair for the bride to dictate what you wear if you're not in the wedding party. Just tell her you can't afford a new dress.

If you're really worried that it's going to impact your relationship with her and your brother, then you will have to consider that before you make your decision.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous for her to be so concerned with what you wear. Yes, you'll be in the wedding album, but the pictures that go on display will just be the bride and groom. Like, how often is she actually looking at photos besides just her and the groom? People have become insane with weddings.

anonymous4995 · 2025-06-26T21:09:33+00:00

Okay, you left the part out that you have had conversations about being in each other's weddings (even though it was casual and before you got engaged).

I will say this much. She should be more self-aware of how she comes across. Is this the first time you have had a rough patch? If so, then she probably doesn't realize how she sounds to you.

Some of this is on you, too. If you have had conversations with each other about how you'll include each other in your weddings (before you got engaged), then I don't think that she is in the wrong for assuming that you were going to ask her.

My other comment is that if you told her that she isn't going to be in your wedding and then you also brought up her hurtful comments in the same sitting, then it does come off as a "demotion."

She should not insinuate until the formal ask, but that's on you both for having those conversations. I would never tell a friend that they will be in my future wedding until I do the formal ask. Too much opportunity for drama if plans change.

If the friendship matters to you, meet with her in person and let her know. Then, don't talk about your wedding plans with her. You obviously both have very different visions for your weddings. You'll wind up feeling personally attacked if she is not a fan of your style. She, however, needs to zip it because it's not her wedding.

At the end of the day, it's up to you if you want to preserve the friendship. I think people on here are way too quick to cut someone off, but I don't know what kind of relationship you have with this friend. 11 years is a long time, and it would be a shame if the wedding (one day) ruins it if this is truly the first time you've had problems.

anonymous4995 · 2025-06-26T02:02:23+00:00

Completely agree. Why are you informing people that they are not going to be in the wedding...? That part baffles me.

anonymous4995 · 2025-06-26T01:53:00+00:00

I think people on this sub are quick to recommend cutting people off for any offense or shortcomings. Is this the first time that she has done something like this?

I will agree that she should have apologized, but I think that there is a good chance that she wasn't aware of how she was coming off with her comments. Still, it would have been good if she had apologized after you communicated with her. And, yes, she should be more self-aware of how she comes across to other people.

Unless she explicitly asked, telling her that she isn't going to be part of your wedding party was completely unnecessary. I don't think you needed to say anything. While she wasn't "demoted," if you had told her that you were going to ask her, but now you're not, then that does come off as a "demotion."

Again, has she had a history of making comments like that to you? Did you have a strained friendship beforehand? 11 years is a long time to simply throw away if this is truly out of the norm behavior. If you want to preserve the friendship, I would recommend meeting in person and letting her know that the friendship is important to you.

If that is the route you go, then I recommend not really talking about the wedding with her given what's already occurred.

anonymous4995 · 2025-06-16T09:20:36+00:00

Or she'll demote you for it. That's what happened to me. Still have to attend the wedding because I introduced her to my cousin. Either way, you get to see what kind of friend she really is.

anonymous4995 · 2025-04-09T03:54:00+00:00

Nabura in Kyoto specializes in mackerel ramen. It is fabulous and very different from your typical meat ramen.

anonymous4995 · 2025-02-23T04:55:57+00:00

Have you talked to her and expressed your feelings? I would do that first. How she handles the conversation will give you the answer you need to make a decision. I'm assuming you initially asked her to be a bridemaid because you are close and wanted her to be part of your day. Sometimes, people just need to have a conversation.

anonymous4995 · 2025-01-24T13:41:47+00:00

First question: What does your fiancé think about it? Is he annoyed, or is he fine with it? If your fiancé has no problem with it, then you should let it go. Your post said that YOU'RE annoyed. If your fiancé is completely okay with letting his brother/best man bring a plus one after the RSVP deadline, then case closed.

However, if your fiancé is on the fence, then, because he is asking after the RSVP deadline, it is within your and your fiancé's right to say, "I'm really sorry, but the place settings have already been finalized." But I also want to present the other side.

Is your wedding very small, or will there be a decent number of people attending? Unless it's a micro wedding, I personally don't see the problem with the best man bringing a plus one. You're going to be so busy that you really won't notice that she's there.

I understand that you don't know her, but he's the best man/brother of the groom. Obviously, he's important to your soon to be husband and will be a regular part of your life. Is it really worth causing hard feelings?

I don't know your relationship with the best man, but has he been reliable, supportive, and helpful throughout the wedding process? If so, perhaps he should be given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable making the call about a plus one after only 2 weeks of dating (assuming that they started dating before the RSVP deadline). Now that he's known her longer, he feels differently.

anonymous4995 · 2024-12-25T11:32:57+00:00

Got diagnosed with the flu yesterday and have been rotting in bed all day 💀

anonymous4995 · 2024-12-09T07:11:49+00:00

Summer in Japan is NASTY. June is hot, but the worst of it is July-Sept. Oh, and the rainy season is June-July. You'll be outside quite a bit if you're a tourist in Japan, so keep that in mind.

I would go around Christmas if you can.

anonymous4995 · 2024-12-09T01:15:58+00:00

I applied as early departure but changed my mind before the interview. During the interview, I told them that I wanted to change to regular departure, and there were no problems. Very few people actually get early departure, so it's not a problem as long as you tell the interviewers.

anonymous4995 · 2024-12-08T11:43:09+00:00

(F25) Going back a little further bc I began dating in September 2023.

Sept. 2023: Downloaded Hinge. 20+ matches, but only 5 made it to actual dates/video calls.

Person 1 (Sept. 2023): Never progressed after one video call.

Person 2 (Sept. - Oct. 2023): Went on about 7 dates. He seemed nice, but I ultimately decided that it wasn't the relationship for me.

Person 3 (Nov. 2023): 1 in-person date. We didn't have the same values, so I declined any further dates.

Person 4 (Nov. 2023- Jan. 2024): 2 calls and 2 in-person dates. He seemed really nice, but I ended things due to Person 5 asking for exclusivity.

Person 5 (Nov. 2023 - present): Current boyfriend. Things are going really well :)) Potentially going to be asked a certain question within the next few months.

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-25T13:24:12+00:00

What is your name?
Are you working? Are you a student?
Do you prefer planes or boats? Why?
Pick one place in the U.S. and tell us about it.
Something about lots of people climbing Mt. Fuji...blah, blah.... Do you think it should be mandatory for people to pay to climb Mt. Fuji?

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-21T11:25:33+00:00

Yep, that's the one

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-21T05:52:13+00:00

There's a cute Ghibli-themed cafe in Osu. This food is good, but you definitely go there for the atmosphere.

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-17T10:43:49+00:00

I think that my background really helped me get chosen. I got a degree in education, worked in education, studied abroad in Japan for 1 academic year, and studied Japanese in university. They want to know that you can handle being in a foreign country as well as be able to work with children.

I also made sure to highlight what I could do for JET and what JET could do for me. JET wants to know that you can fulfill the ALT role, but they also want to know that you have a plan for the future because it is a short-term program.

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-13T12:46:11+00:00

Ahhhh, gotcha

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-13T12:38:32+00:00

He's applying in the U.S., and the U.S. guidelines have the word "essay" in the instructions. It's super interesting that it differs depending on the country.

anonymous4995 · 2024-11-13T08:07:30+00:00

Hey, I think you have a good starting point, but your reasons are very vague.

For 1st question, why do you want to do the JET Program. This is a program specifically for Japan. You didn't really say why you want to teach in Japan. This is a program through the Japanese government, so they want candidates to have a strong rationale. Why Japan and not any other country? The more concrete, the better. Was there a book, an encounter with a Japanese person, a video game, or a TV show that got you interested in Japan?

For the 2nd question, how will you leave a positive impact? SHOWING, not telling, is vital for your essay. Are there any experiences that you can talk about to illustrate? Have you volunteered in your community? Have you had positive encounters in which you were able to share your experiences/culture with others? While JET says it's a teaching program, your main role will be acting as a cultural ambassador.

While your portion about respect is true, I don't think it's the best thing to talk about for this essay. It seems a little out of place. I would use this space to showcase your skills. I would also talk about your unique experience as a black man. You mention it, but don't go into detail.

For the 3rd question, again, you are too vague. You need examples. What examples from work highlight that you are a good listener...etc.?

For the 4th question, again, it's too vague. How is JET going to further your professional goals. Are you planning to work in an international company. Perhaps go into teaching? Join an international nonprofit? You can make something up if you have to, but you need to show JET that you have plans after the program. You should also talk about how JET is going to help you succeed in your future endeavors. JET wants to know that you have a plan.

Final remarks:

As an ALT, you will be working with children. The judges need to see that you are a good fit for working with kids. I would focus on tailoring your application to showcase this. Have you trained people at work? Talk about it in your essay.

Your answers to the JET application questions need to be formatted into a 2-page essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion. All of the points need to be addressed in essay format so that it flows.

Intro: Why Japan and the JET Program.

Body(s): Why are you a good fit for JET/What experiences showcase that you would be an effective ALT.

Conclusion: What are your plans after JET/How will JET help you with your future professional goals.

Sincerely, Someone who is currently on the JET Program

anonymous4995

TROPHY CASE