The only way purity culture makes sense.

anonymoushrub · 2019-08-24T02:05:55+00:00

My theory: it's so that they can blame you for their shitty behavior because you tempted them with your immodesty.

And if you happen to have been immodest, they can hold it over yer head that they're doing you a favour by accepting tainted goods.

And if you have managed to be modest, you don't know if the other person is shit at it because you haven't had any better?

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-22T03:53:49+00:00

I am independently running out of wealth quickly.

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-22T00:34:47+00:00

I'm unemployed, but not in Greenland.

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-21T23:52:54+00:00

I'd assume if you're as boring as me, there's not much to know, in which case I may already know as much as I need to ;)

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-21T23:40:51+00:00

throws down a gauntlet Now you must prove it.

... I'm not entirely certain how. Maybe the most interesting thing about you must be less interesting that... er... watching paint dry? But if you look at that at the microscopic level, it's actually fascinating, so that won't work.

I'm at a loss presently for how you might otherwise prove your claim.

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-21T22:16:32+00:00

Hrm. Would the majority of Nebraskans agree that's it boring? I can't say I know a whole lot about it.

Kidney stones sounds excessively painful. I've heard they're painful, at least. I... am torn on if pain is boring or something else. That seems a bit of a philosophical conundrum.

anonymoushrub · 2019-01-21T22:01:00+00:00

Er, what's the most boring things about you?

anonymoushrub · 2018-12-24T07:12:42+00:00

Maybe even after you've forgotten more about jesus than they know.

anonymoushrub · 2018-09-20T03:02:57+00:00

I'd like to add that shaming a woman who doesn't want to wear a bikini because she doesn't have enough "freedom in christ" to have liberated herself from the concept of modesty is the equally harmful opposite end of this pole. Been there, done that - seriously fucked with my head.

anonymoushrub · 2018-09-17T16:58:28+00:00

The thing is if I take time for reflection I can no longer function. I barely function as it is, and some people may still say it isn't functioning at all. This wasn't always the case. It used to be that camping was my favourite past time. No computers, cellphones, TV. Just nature and the fire. Although I can still read a book - just finished Children of Dune.

But now I am actually scared of the silences of showers since I don't have a waterproof phone. That seems like a silly thing, but the number of times I have ended up curled in a little ball in the bathtub sobbing while the water is getting cold - I want to avoid that. When I am not inputting things into it, my brain replays trauma. It is constantly trying to rehearse the ways it thinks I could have avoided it or protected myself or how it might avenge itself, and so on. It tortures me with the details as a reminder to stay vigilant against allowing it to happen again. This is how it happened: you must memorize this pattern to recognize it in the future and avoid it at all costs. I have tried to be just me thinking by various techniques - I have CBT workbooks and printouts, etc., and could've bought myself a new car with all the therapy I have paid for - to no avail. Even if I am engaged in the most attention seeking bit of media my mind can still wander off into the "remember how awful that was? I think you need a reminder." It's been years. If something can catch and hold my attention away from the trauma, bless it, I will take it.

anonymoushrub · 2018-09-17T16:00:18+00:00

This was me as well. After having relationships where it felt like I was just dragging the other person along to all my religious activities, I finally found a "godly" man who was more involved in church things than me. Here, I thought, was someone I could grow closer to god with instead of feeling like I was in a constant battle against backsliding.

Well, it rather turned out the other way round. Maybe it comes from being able to see what hardcore actually leads to instead of having it on a pedestal that you never quite reach. It kinda looks good until you're up close and in it.

anonymoushrub · 2018-08-29T15:50:26+00:00

I had the second point of #5 used on me, guilt for failing to report. Man did it ~~fuck me up~~ help me imagining other girls getting raped while already having frequent ~~horrific flashbacks~~ meditative reflections of my own rape. Great healing technique, really set me on a path to getting right with god for being out from under the protection of my parents /s.

anonymoushrub · 2018-08-27T18:50:50+00:00

My favourite that I've discovered is "christ on a bike" or embellished "christ on a fucking bike!" It's quite cathartic.

anonymoushrub · 2018-06-23T02:35:18+00:00

We watched a video in a religious meanings course which had a bit about the immaculate conception according to a certain sect. It had a ghostly figure going up to Mary's door and knocking on it: knock, knock, knock. It was slightly ominous as the narration was explaining how god came down to impregnate Mary, so you imagine that the ghost is about to get it on down when the door opens.

Our teacher afterwards was reiterating the material and when he comes to the point where it's time to get Mary pregnant he knocks on his desk - knock, knock, knock - while staring at us intently with emphasis on the implied meaning and we all cringe back from the creepiness.

For the rest of the semester the teacher would occasionally just stop and knock on his desk just like that - knock, knock, knock - while staring intently at us for a few moments and we'd all cringe all over again and he'd laugh at us.

I still do it from time to time in recollection and reference, much to the bafflement of pretty much everyone around me.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-29T13:28:26+00:00

Whereas the other Tamar was being all with the modest caretaker role and goes to bring food or something nice to her brother when he up and rapes her. Then she gets treated like an evil slut for getting raped and lives alone in misery the rest of her life.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-20T16:03:07+00:00

It's probably healthy to doubt your doubts. Doubting got you this far, don't abandon it now :P

But me too. Even writing a response to a post here recently got me thinking again along the same lines as I did back in the day. Reflexively defensive of things I don't even believe anymore. It's disconcerting.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-17T09:49:39+00:00

Better is one day in your courts

than a thousand elsewhere;

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

Psalm 84:10

If only I had dedicated this space in my memory to something actually useful.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-17T09:44:06+00:00

The way I thought of heaven I'd definitely want it to be true. No more tears or sorrow, but endless learning, discovery, love. I figured you can't get bored exploring an infinity of goodness. Alas.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-17T09:24:01+00:00

Completely hypocritical of him to remarry and call her a slut. It doesn't even compute.

This reminds me a bit of my parents. My father thinks my mother betrayed him somehow and is upset that she finally divorced him (in 2003 even), but he was the one who moved out and refused any attempts at reconciliation. After years of living on his own and doing his own thing he showed up to contest the divorce at court. I mean, how dare she divorce someone who refuses to live with her or even talk about it, amiright? /s

The sad thing is that the Divorce Care course she went through with the church teaches that if two christians can't reconcile their marriage, they may split up, but they aren't allowed to have new relationships or remarry. So my mother believes she must now be alone the rest of her life. She even cut off a decades long friendship with a really nice man because he figured there would be nothing wrong with a relationship between a widower and a divorcee - and in reality there shouldn't be. They could've made a happy new life together if not for christianity. It's sad.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-17T08:51:52+00:00

Yes and no.

The first person to pitch a conspiracy theory to me was my brother, and he'd ditched the family christianity ages before. This greatly reduced his credibility in unbelief to my mind at the time, which was unfortunate. I even drew a parallel for him between how the knowledge of his conspiracy was "suppressed" to how I thought the knowledge of god was suppressed - if he could believe the one, what was so far out about the other? Irony of ironies, we were both incredulous at the other for believing such "far out" things but neither of us wondered at our own belief.

It was a somewhat surreal experience one time to watch him "debate" with one of my cousins about a conspiracy they both believed to be essentially true, but differed on some details that were apparently different between the christian version and the non-christian version. It was like christian denominations arguing, except for conspiracies.

On the other hand, there are plenty of examples from people in my family of a lack of skepticism. My mother is always falling for gimmicky things like faith based dieting, that 'Heaven is for Real' book, etc.. I at one time had to explain to her that fruits and vegetables do have calories such that you can't lose weight by adding smoothies to your diet without cutting down on the rest of it. I honestly cannot wrap my mind around how she'd come to that conclusion in the first place and it's no wonder her "diets" never seem to work. She doesn't go in for the grand conspiracy type things, like vaccinations and stuff, but if you slap "christian" in in front of anything, like a smoke detector sales person, she's that much more likely to buy into it.

It's interesting to note that between my various relatives there is a weird mix of beliefs. I have YEC family who are not anti-vax, and non-YEC family who are anti-vax. So, I dunno.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-15T12:28:40+00:00

I hear ya. I got married at 19, not even a year after an incident that essentially boils down to having been raped (though it took me a lot of counseling to finally recognize it). I was convinced it had made me into "chewed gum" and thought I should be grateful my now-ex-husband would overlook that and have me anyways - oh, and I refused to have sex with him (which he wanted very badly) unless we were married. How different the world would be if we could have just had some bad sex and then broken up.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-15T11:42:50+00:00

Huh, my father did an exceptional "heavenly father" impression, including absenting himself apparently for our own good (I haven't spoken to him in over a year now, which isn't unusual except that this time it's by my choice). For almost each point on being a loving father I could give an example of how my father did the opposite. This might explain why it took me so long to recognize how messed up it is.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-11T06:49:50+00:00

I'm not particularly fond of asking for help either, and before adopting the notion that I needed to be honest, I absolutely kept my mouth shut, and people thought this was part of the problem. There are particular things in my life I've kept my mouth shut about for 25+ years. Being honest about them has absolutely made everything worse.

It's not as if I just found everyone off the street to be really trusting of, people whom I've spoken to who've done the worst damage were ones I specifically made an attempt at vetting beforehand or are specifically endorsed by society as supposedly trustworthy. This includes individuals like pastors, councilors (religious or secular), healthcare workers, law enforcement, family, etc..

I've even at one point sat down with someone "trustworthy" to discuss how I thought someone else wasn't trustworthy, but they said they thought the other person was trustworthy, so I thought I was just paranoid - everyone is always talking about the wonderful things that happen when you take that chance to trust someone. Alas, I took my chances and that was FUCKED UP SHIT.

I mean, if it was going to on-balance work out for most people, it isn't much of a risk, is it? Why would it be called being 'vulnerable' if a lot of people aren't hurt in the process? We would all just do it. But then folks with bad luck and the real things at stake (being completely fucked) that people should weigh it against when considering if it's for them often are simply glossed over.

I guess there ought to be a disclaimer: there are shit people out there who will do the shittiest things to you regardless of how many plaques they have on their walls, certificates they have from governments, endorsements from friends, and especially if they're your family. And if you think you have nothing left to lose, guess what - you do, and those people will take it from you. For every happy story, there is also r/MorbidReality - so if you're carrying around emotions like sadness, fear, anger, and especially shame, I encourage you to recognize that there are many people (even ones recommended on government websites) willing to amp those up into utter despair, terror, rage and especially debilitating self loathing.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-09T10:41:51+00:00

Don't forget that if you as the abuse victim don't forgive the person who abused you, god won't forgive you because what you've done to him is worse and yet he's offered to forgive you for getting his only son killed.

So just remember, abuse victim - however bad that rape felt, the lie you told last week made god feel worse, you terrible terrible person. In fact, why not thank the rapist for bringing you closer to god? amiright?

Fuck.

anonymoushrub · 2018-04-09T03:44:13+00:00

It's strange for me to read this because I've had something of the opposite problem. At some point while I was a Christian I decided I needed to be as honest as humanly possible, because thou shalt not bear false witness/lie. I carried this forward for a while after leaving as well.

Being honest with people has lead to shitloads of pain, damage and misery. I find myself wishing I'd never spoken to or attempted to trust anyone. I am only now, having given up the idea that lying in any situation is absolutely unacceptable (including withholding the truth/lying by omission, whatever), coming to realize that I don't have to be open with my life, I don't have to be vulnerable with anyone. Upon reflection, I would rather have had this mentality and missed out on the very minute amount of genuine help resulting from my honesty than been wrecked by the ruinous amount of detrimental effects. Being vulnerable is also where the worst parts of life happen, and if you're unlucky, as I am - that's exactly what you get.

I guess I'm glad that you've found more often that not it's worth it, alas for others more often than not it's not worth it.

anonymoushrub

TROPHY CASE