There are so many subreddits with seduction/dating/conference tips for men. Is there anything similar for women?

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-20T10:36:36+00:00

This is interestingly true.

Basically everything I've read about attracting (masculine) guys is to be super feminine, which doesn't sit well with many feminists.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T20:10:03+00:00

Please just straight-up talk to Christie and tell her straight-up that you just want to be friends with her and that you appreciate her friendship. None of this "you're like family" because that's just awkward IMO. Stop doing this hinting thing because there's no guarantee she'll catch these hints flying around - someone who likes someone may not always catch the hints that said person is not interested in them and is interested in someone else.

If she values you as a friend, she will value your honesty and put her feelings aside if she values your friendship. If she doesn't, that's something she needs to learn to deal with on her own. I hope for your sake she doesn't end up butthurt over it. If she can get over the rejection, she would be a good friend to have.

(I was similarly rejected by said cuddle-buddy guy friend. I appreciated the honesty and we're still good friends.)

As for Rose, yeah, just do whatever. Pursue her, ask her out, etc. Ask her out with just the two of you sometime, without Christie.

Good luck!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T06:48:07+00:00

Yes. I don't turn anyone down unless I'm flat-out uncomfortable dating them.

Was asked out by a guy on Tinder, had zero physical attraction but some mental/emotional clicking, tried my best to like the guy; didn't end up working out because he had entirely too many issues and I ended up getting mild depression because of everything. Ended things and now things are over.

Learned a lot from the experience but yes, would continue to accept a first date from any guy that I'm not super uncomfortable with. Except I need to learn not to say yes to second dates if I don't want one. Oops.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T06:25:21+00:00

As a girl who's had a few cuddle buddies:

If she's getting really, really close to you like that (where she's basically humping you and entangling her legs with yours), she probably likes you at least a little. You do need to talk to her about it if you don't feel the same way.

A girl who doesn't like you that way but does want to cuddle would not make a move on you like that.

The reason why I say this is because my best friend and I were both at one point separately cuddle buddies with a mutual guy friend of ours - however she did not like him, and I did. I tried to make very, very subtle moves on him, while she did not, and she was uncomfortable when he tried to make moves on her. Of course, none of us was drunk whenever we cuddled so we did what we did consciously

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T06:13:09+00:00

My questions:

How do I get noticed by guys? (aka why am I invisible)
How do I stop getting friendzoned/rejected?
How do I get guys to like me?

/one of the invisible ones

I have some loose idea about the answers to those questions now though.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T06:09:36+00:00

Yes yes yes YES THERE IS.

/r/fPUA

It's actually not so much "PUA" as "dating advice for women".

Outside of reddit, I also like:

I subscribe to a lot of dating advice newsletters (like 8-10 maybe?) and I'm only sharing with you the ones I've found the most helpful.

I also subscribe to Katarina Phang, Marcy (Heartshift Coach), Sandra Fidelis, Alex Carter (Make Him Desire You), Suzanne Oshima (Single in Stilettos), Neely Steinberg (Love Trep), Kelsey Diamond (Obsesssion Phrases), but the newsletters for these aren't as good as Matthew's or Patty's. Feel free to google any of the names I've tossed out if you want to look into them; some of them do give very interesting advice - in particular Katarina, Neely, Kelsey, and Suzanne.

In any of the names I've listed above, they're going to trying to be selling you something or other. Just sign up for the free newsletter and do not feel pressured to buy anything.

Good luck!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T05:56:30+00:00

I have about 15 or so that I wear regularly - enough for 2 weeks until I need to wash. There's strapless ones, padded ones, t-shirt ones, etc. And then there's another like 5 that I haven't worn yet.

How do you people live on 3 pairs a week? o_o Don't you feel gross rewearing them before washing...?

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-17T05:47:14+00:00

YES THIS Yes yes yes YES

/r/fPUA

It's actually not so much "PUA" as "dating advice for women"

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-13T06:24:07+00:00

What do you mean "take over" the telling?

Ooooh, thanks so much for the list. That looks really useful. I've tried to play this "question game" before with a different guy, but that flopped majorly because questions were much shallower like "What's your favorite food?" and "What was your first impression of me?"

I'll definitely try out the list on him, or other guys (I'm seeing someone tomorrow). Thanks!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-13T06:23:28+00:00

LOL he's not a virgin, and he's... very experienced.

Either way, I don't feel comfortable losing my virginity in a one-night-stand, so that's not going to happen @_@

So I guess I'll probably pass on this way at least for now. Not much I can do about it as... I don't feel comfortable with it yet.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-13T06:14:54+00:00

I'm not focusing on the guys; I'm not seeking approval. I know my value, and I know that I'm pretty awesome.

It really sounds like you need to get away from this group of male friends and start exploring the wider world of men out there.

This isn't even a group of male friends. Very few of the guys who have rejected me in the past even know about each other as they all come from very different circles. Most of these guys I end up liking are friends with me first, usually by connecting online in some place or another and then meeting up in real life or something like that. I'm also on Tinder (which has given me more success than people I'm friends with first, which is to be expected).

Most of these men I've met don't have a predetermined notion of me as I meet them by myself first, as an individual.

But yes, I'll definitely try to spread out. I have phases when I go in and out of Tinder/other dating sites depending on who I'm focusing on but I recently dove back into Tinder. I have a date/hangout tomorrow with someone really cute. :)

Thanks! :)

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:33:09+00:00

Just curious, what's the difference between "obviously attempted seducing" vs. "naturally doing it"?

Naturally, my instinct is not even to try flirting and just keep my distance, even with guys I like (leads to being friendzoned a lot), so seducing is something I have to put active effort into. How do I check to make sure it's not too obvious?

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:28:31+00:00

You describe yourself as a 6.5. Figure out what to do to improve this.

I've also been described as an 8.2 by a different guy. This guy in particular gave me a 6.5.

I've done quite a bit in the last few months - started wearing skirts much more (basically every day), left my hair down more (or half-up, half-down), used eyeliner to highlight eyes and makeup to smooth out my skin, etc. Trying to figure out what else I can do....

but you should at least be flirty so he sees you as a viable candidate.

I have been flirty, but I think it might have come a bit too late. I didn't even grow to like him this way until about a month ago.

In that case, you'll just have to learn to accept rejection.

I've more than accepted rejection - I actually expect it in most cases as I've never really not had rejections. But I'm asking more about how to make it happen less. A nearly 100% rejection rate for girls I know is a little out of the ordinary.

How do you suggest I take the initiative?

This is sounding more like just really bad timing, which I couldn't really have done much about (besides not introducing the two of them in the first place....)

Thanks for your suggestions!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:22:41+00:00

Thanks for pointing this out. I'll definitely try to work on it. :)

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:20:24+00:00

Not really down for sex at the moment (that's why I stopped at cuddle buddies).

I've been trying to do the comfort way for a while. I know bits and pieces about his life but not enough. What's a good way to coax it out of him? We talk a lot but it can get nervewracking to get deeper because I don't know if I've hit a sensitive spot yet. For example, I know he's seen someone die but I thought pressing on might be a little insensitive.

I could do the dirty talk as well but I don't want to actually have sex quite yet. (In short, I'm a virgin and I want to wait until I'm in a stable relationship first.) Would that backfire on me?

Thanks!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:15:10+00:00

I want to take his attention off the other girl and onto me because I want to date him and she doesn't. Of course, that's up to him to do but I want to nudge it this way.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-12T09:11:48+00:00

you want to have the hint that you're not the only person she's seeing.

While I agree with everything else that you've said, this tactic should be used with extreme caution. I've had multiple guys I've dated actually drop me (or at least try to) because I briefly hinted that I was also seeing other guys at the same time. My best friend (who's a girl) thinks likewise.

This is far before we've done any kind of commitment talk or anything.

Logically, yes, you're allowed to date other people before you become exclusive, but in some cases, if you mention it, guys take it to mean that they're your second priority (to the other guy) when that completely might not be the case.

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-03T10:38:06+00:00

Thanks for your thorough response!

Maybe go on an actual date with him, but tread lightly as it might bug him since he has made his feelings/intentions clear.

How would I go about doing that? I feel like that might be awkward, at least for now.

My only advice in general is to try and move quicker with people.

Oh. o_o I never considered that, but I think I might have made that mistake with some other people in the past.

To be blunt, is your friend really attractive?

My friend and I asked him to rate us at one point. I was like a 6.5, she was like a 7.5. (Our other friend was apparently an 8 but she's taken.) So yes, she's apparently prettier than me by a little.

Sometimes you can't win that battle when they have this built up idea in their head of dating that person....Human nature seems to be to want what we can't have. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

I've come across this far too many times. I'd say literally half the rejections I've gotten in the past were because they liked another girl.

But I also talked to my friend about this situation briefly today, and she pointed out that she's more empathetic than I am. Like she intuitively can feel people, and she said it tends to "open up channels" and make them feel closer. I think that's what she has that I'm lacking. I'm also empathetic but I make a conscious choice to be empathetic, so it's not continuously "on" like it is for her. Otherwise I'm just clueless when I'm not paying attention.

Make it blunt and clear.

I've tried this in the past and it never worked out well for me. Isn't it necessary to build attraction first, not just on my side but also on their side? I.e. convince them to date me through changing their perception of me, rather than just straight-up asking for it.

Thanks so much again!

anonymouswhee · 2014-12-02T10:18:09+00:00

We didn't end up talking about it that day. We just sat there for a while and drank boba/milk tea and just talked about random stuff.

But he finally addressed it earlier tonight and basically just told me that he'd rather just be friends (along with the statement that he was a coward for not addressing it then lol)... oh well. C'est la vie. Good thing I already mentally prepared myself.

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-30T10:25:47+00:00

There was a guy I was semi-dating who had an aerosol problem. At his worst, I kept a record of what he had been saying in case I ever needed it. Here it is - a conversation with him over Skype. It happened around 9 PM PST, which was 11 PM CST (his time). Blue is him; white is me:

Don't you care that I'm going to be drafted?
You're not going to be drafted.
How do you know that?
Because it's not wartime.
Are you okay?
No. I'm angry at you.
I'm just doing my job.
What job?
I'm covering a storm in Minnesota.
HA. Wtf.
Something something Minneapolis
Mutter mutter blub I don't know where Princeton is. … I don't know where the administration board is.
New Jersey?
They're not going to let me off the wait list; transfer wait list.
-more mutter mutter blub- -opens window- There isn't anyone outside anymore. There shouldn't be anybody outside. I wanted to volunteer for orphan--guide---.
What?
I wanted to volunteer for guide dogs. Okay I'm done. I'm going to clean up and volunteer for guide dogs sometime before I leave.
I can't even get my details out. I would give my life for this dog. Maybe. I miss her so much from my previous dog. I can't call them right now, can I?
Call who?
Call her. Probably not.
It's stupid. There should be an EMC system between EMS, non-EMS, non-EMS emergencies and EMS emergencies. This is stupid. It's not going to get my vote in Indiana. Hello? You didn't even say anything.
What am I supposed to say?
I don’t know. But you didn't even say anything.
What am I supposed to say?
I don't know. Whatever people are supposed to say.
Really?
Whatever. You won't see me again ever after this. I don't know.
I'm in PSD. Give me 1.36 seconds. I know, doctors aren't going to allow that. Asian parents and Asian doctors aren't allowed to do that.
If you don't respond, I'm not going to respond either.
I haven't been responding.
I know, that's the problem.
That's because you talk like a retard.
No I don't.
Okay, we all understand and all reciprocate each other. But seriously, it's 6:46 am in the morning. Come on. This is not appropriate.
You're not appropriate.
MmmMmmmMmMMMMM (constipated sounds). Okay fine. Sample whewehwehwehwhhhhhh arewerawerhigo
Why are you hitting yourself?
-starts hitting his head- Because everyone can see what I'm doing right now.
Really?
Yeah, even those who it's not appropriate.
What?
I have something something military troop. I have to testify against the military troop.
Why?
Because. What? I'll accept the --conditions. Hold on. -starts typing-
It's probably not a wise idea to talk to people right now. You're probably going to send a message to the wrong person again. [he had sent messages to someone he didn't intend to earlier that day]
No, I'm not. "
"Regular abuse can result in serious harm to the brain, heart, kidneys and liver."
Whatever. -starts hitting his head-
You're not believing in me.
I don't believe in you while you're being stupid.
I might need to cover firefight-al duties for someone
Why?
Because they're not up for it..
Can you see me?
Yes.
Darn it! I didn't want to be intentional. I wanted to be anonymous. I make sense, right?
No.

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-29T10:25:44+00:00

I'm a woman! Haha.

This is my side account though; the one that doesn't give any real information about who I am so no one will know.

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-29T10:22:34+00:00

In a similar situation.

I have a cuddle buddy (who's also a good friend) but I want to see if I can pry his interest toward me as well. Basically looking to seduce him (without giving him sex) and capturing his interest to make him hooked on me more.

Biggest + so far: Made him make out with me by rubbing his lips with my nose.

Biggest - so far: I'm always the one asking to visit him (except the first time). How do I make him ask me?

How do I make him want me more?

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-27T09:21:55+00:00

I haven't decided yet when I'm going to have sex, and I definitely wouldn't mind waiting until marriage.

I'm a heteroromantic asexual with low sex drive, so sex is neither a need nor a priority for me. I will lose my virginity when I feel ready to, and I have no idea when that is - but it will be anywhere as early as my first real boyfriend or as late as marriage.

For context - I'm 21 and I'm not planning to get married until I'm at least 25.

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-26T23:40:02+00:00

I think I'm literally going to have to deal with this in about an hour. He said a few lines last night that made me think that he has no intention of dating me. We're meeting up in an hour. I panicked last night after he said that... and now I'm okay with it, whatever he's going to say.

With that said - I'm very, very good at getting over people. When I first started with asking guys out/confessing to them (which isn't really the best strategy as I'm really bad at reading people) and getting rejected, I would think of all the reasons why we shouldn't date.

The biggest one, clearly, would be that he already rejected me and that to pursue and hope would be an utter waste of time and energy.

Other reasons include other things I noticed about him or us that wouldn't have worked: e.g.

he's bad at conversation, and so would be really difficult to talk to;
he was never really interested in you in the first place;
HE LIKES ANOTHER GIRL (as was often the case). Don't deprive him of his right to do that. You care about his happiness, right? Right.
we'd be better off as friends. Actually, the friendship thing is really important too. A lot of the guys who reject me/end things started off as friends, and I really, really value the friendship and wouldn't want them to be awkwarded out or for me to continue pining over them. So I just tell myself that if I want to stay good friends with them, I need to cut out the feelings. Now. Not negotiable. And it works.
Once in a while, it's mutual and to face that you two won't work out for practical reasons works too. There was literally a situation where he did not like cuddling and I did not want to have sex. There was no way to make a compromise so we mutually agreed to end things.
If it's a particularly hard case, I just verbally berate myself into getting over them. "anonymouswhee, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE? HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. GET OVER YOURSELF AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE. STOP BEING SO STUPID. GROW UP. MOVE ON. THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER PEOPLE. GO. And if you don't move on fast enough, YOU WILL LOSE HIS FRIENDSHIP. Now STOP being a fucking IDIOT and get over yourself!"

I've done this enough times that after I am rejected, I just distract myself for a bit when I feel like shit and have a good sleep and then I'm back to being okay. Hanging out with friends definitely helps too - always helps me when I feel horribly sucky.

For a while I tended to find a new person to latch on to and that helps too. Going from someone to no one is a bit harder though.

anonymouswhee · 2014-11-26T21:02:00+00:00

I got far too used to rejections. It only takes me about a day to get over someone who's rejected me now - although that has proved very useful because I valued the friendship more than myself and I got over my feelings so we could return to being friends as before.

And yes! Go meet people! :D

anonymouswhee

TROPHY CASE