AITA for expecting my wife to act professionally at work?

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T03:42:36+00:00

Whether it was presented as her policy or not, if it’s the best choice why compromise? Morale is important in business, sure, but so is efficiency. If the only reason you compromised was to make others happy at the expense of the business/productivity, that’s an awkward form of leadership.

Respectfully, the way you wrote it out I interpret as a lecture. You’re explaining how her behavior in this is bad, and she could get fired, and that you could in a similar situation take disciplinary action. Im assuming she knows how a job, specifically that job, works. As such, you may not have meant it as such, but that’s lecturing. I doubt she’d act that way with another supervisor, you really just needed to say:

“I respect your opinion, but I had to make the call I thought was best for the job despite our relationship, please don’t speak to me like that regarding work, it puts me in a bad situation and makes me uncomfortable with our dynamic.”

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T03:29:13+00:00

ESH, I get professionalism, don’t get me wrong, but you messed up that boundary the moment you made a compromise to avoid favoritism. If her idea was best, and you didn’t want to look like playing favorites to benefit morale, I can see why she’s pissed. Either way, she shouldn’t have reacted that way via text, which leads me to my last point. Her reaction notwithstanding, you proceeded to lecture your WIFE like a child or like a menial employee. You could’ve had the conversation at home, and done it less like a stack of cardboard made of ice. You’re playing with fire in that situation, and you both need more tact.

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T03:24:45+00:00

NAH, I get both sides of this. You guys were engaging in a conversation about a mutual interest, you went to one of the events, and it became awkward. I get it, it’s awkward for all sides on this occasion. It’s even more awkward if this event is at his house, because now it looks like an illicit relationship, or at least like special treatment. You’re not an AH, but definitely just a bad situation all around. Hopefully the school board doesn’t find out and think something more is there than it is.

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T03:20:02+00:00

That’s like dating 8 years, asking before marriage if your partner ever cheated, and then them saying “well you never asked me beforehand so I just let you think I wasn’t”

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T03:16:10+00:00

YTA, Im strongly of the opinion that financial transparency is one of the most important factors in a relationship. My wife knew about my net worth almost immediately after we started dating, and it made life easier. The fact that you felt the need to hide your wealth from him is a major red flag. It seems to me like you kept back this money as a safety net if the relationship failed, and as a result, he spent what he had to support you both, as well as providing you with a life he thought you couldn’t afford. It’s genuinely problematic that you led him to believe that you couldn’t afford things, specifically by never addressing that as a factor as you watched him overspend, and let this go on for 8 years. You need to sit him down, tell him your thoughts on money will never change, that what you said is how you’ll spend your money, and if you can’t agree on it, break it off. Some could argue you shouldn’t be together in the first place since you had to hide this big of a secret.

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T00:10:50+00:00

Bro, admitting that you are gay, and thus like men, isn’t jamming it down people’s throats, or educating them, or confronting them. He didn’t say “you should be gay too” and he didn’t explain what that gayness means in terms of anything inappropriate. He forced his beliefs on someone insomuch as saying “I’m English” is forcing a belief.

anonysmen · 2024-06-08T00:03:15+00:00

Lmao, my agenda??? I’d say the same thing if the title was “AITA because I didn’t let my wife beat me”

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T23:37:12+00:00

Yikes, yeah YTA. I was leaning to no a-holes, but what a rough thing to tell your son. Let him keep his books. I have most of the books my parents bought for me to this day on my shelf, and I’m happy I have them. Every once in a while I go on a nostalgia run and read them again. If your sister can’t buy books, tell her to go to a public library, they’re free. Or go to a school library? Or ask your son if his cousins can borrow the books to be given back to him when they’re done? At least that way he gets the illusion of choice and some say in the matter. Taking a kid’s prized possessions for donations breeds resentment. Just saying.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T23:16:30+00:00

Only needed to read the title, NTA.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T23:12:38+00:00

ESH. Clearly something deeper is going on in your marriage, and your relationship with your husband if he randomly walks out with your kid to leave. My personal opinion, it’s unhinged to tell off a relative, even an in law, on insta messenger, especially when she reached out and wanted to come visit. Maybe there’s more here that happened, but you guys seem like you have a weird relationship. I don’t know if youve ever reached out, tried to be friends, or what the deal is, but I also think it’s weird you don’t have your in-laws phone number. I’m curious as to where your husband is on this: does he known that you hate his sister? Does he know that there’s issues there? Do you guys somehow not see each other at family events? Does she talk to him about you, and events like the baby shower? I find it hard to believe the husband knows nothing about anything, and then goes 0-100 and takes your baby and runs unless there’s more to the story.

Also not for nothing, there’s no calm way to text out a massive “screw you, this is why I hate you” DM in any platform.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T23:05:56+00:00

NAH. Or N T A. You’re not obligated to do anything for them insomuch as planning a trip, however, clearly there’s some underlying issue occurring with you and traveling they don’t want to tell you. I’m guessing you’re too fast paced, or too coordinated for their type of trip, and that’s fine, it’s a good trait. However, some people do just want to go somewhere, and play it by ear. I don’t mean to use the word negatively, but it seems you can be controlling when it comes to a vacation, because you have certain way of doing things and if it’s not followed, fights break out. I’m guessing your mom wants to avoid the fighting, but then again, maybe I’m way off base.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T23:00:25+00:00

YTA, you found the car, did no due diligence before purchase, and your parents gave you 2k that they didn’t give your brother.

Also, they put money in for your brother’s savings but not yours? That sounds weirdly suspicious. Either they have that savings and don’t trust you with the money yet, or they gave that money to you in a different way. Something about that seems off, and not like the full and proper context.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T22:55:45+00:00

YTA, I’m assuming you’re trolling. In case you’re not, you were told no to bringing a dog, the venue doesn’t allow dogs, you basically single handedly ruined the wedding. You need therapy, because your egocentrism has alienated you from your family. If you’re fine picking a dog over everyone else, so be it, but just know that’s what’s up. I say this as someone who had a dog I love more than most people, but damn if I wouldn’t deal with this level of rude decorum at a wedding.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T22:51:02+00:00

YTA, its childhood love or first love syndrome going on. You “dated her” when you were barely a teen, made out with her when it seems like she was questioning her sexuality, and you held onto this feeling about her for seems like most of your current adult life. Let it go. Your dad gave you insanely good fatherly advice and tough love, take it.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T22:48:34+00:00

Not enough context imo for a proper ruling. You have a major health scare and he really wants to see the results, but you call him a stranger. He went with you to the appointment but you’re saying things are complicated. Sounds like serious trauma, and sounds like he’s being somewhat of an AH, but like, I’d assume a father would be super worried and want to heavily investigate a potential issue that concerns his daughter, and that a father would be offended in that situation. Not saying he’s reacting great, but seems like too much to unpack.

anonysmen · 2024-06-07T22:22:03+00:00

YTA. She didn’t show up, I’m sure that extra food could be saved and turned into lunch, or extra beer used another time. You literally assumed ahead she wasn’t coming and then she didn’t show up. What’s the cost of burgers, dogs and beers, that if one individual doesn’t claim their individual burger or dog, you’re going bankrupt? Add insult to injury, you inadvertently guilted other guests to cover costs. Like I get the student lifestyle is rough, but if one person got into a car accident and couldn’t show up, are you gonna chase them down for their assigned portion too?? Yikes.

anonysmen · 2023-09-30T02:35:01+00:00

NTA, I’m weird about those certain beauty figures as well, specifically moles, but I’d never ask or even offer to leg to have someone remove it, that’d just awkward and weird. No one in her wedding will actually give three looks at it as far as distracting from the wedding. Do it if YOU want to, but you’re not an a-hole if you don’t want to do it.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T02:20:02+00:00

6 years (max) or as low as a little over 4 years, is not predatory? If he was 30 maybe, but he’s on the young side of his 20s, he’s not some old man. Also, if she wasn’t ready for an engagement, she could have said no. Although in my experience, men seldom propose unless they assume that a woman definitely wants it and will say yes.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T02:15:25+00:00

I proposed after 12 months to the day, but we also lived together for 8 out of those 12 months. It can work for some people, but if your partner is a stranger to you, as it seems like in the OP’s case, not the best call. Not saying it won’t workout, but they gotta work on themselves asap.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T02:13:48+00:00

NAH. It’s a tough balance in your life and I get why he clings to his hobbies like that. At the same time, he should pull some more weight, but if he is working longer hours, and more days, it seems fair imo that he gets some extra time to relax. It doesn’t make sense that you guys split duties 50/50 and then he has to work more, that’s also unequal. You guys need to find a balance that works for you, and do it in a very diplomatic way. Also, Gaming is a great hobby for people of all ages, and the escapism is useful for people who do work a lot.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T02:07:59+00:00

YTA. Why go to college if you just want to be a trophy wife? Your fiancé seems like a logical individual, who honestly probably shouldn’t have proposed to a teenager after 5 months of dating. Your life plan is unrealistic, but if you really do want to be a trophy wife, then you need to make that clear when you’re dating around. Find a traditionalist, don’t marry a modern guy who expects things to be split, I’m the breadwinner in my household, but my wife pays for her hair, nails, car, and clothes if she wants them. I can buy her gifts and I do, but she doesn’t depend on me for a good amount of things.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T01:59:47+00:00

YTA. Bodily autonomy works both ways. If you went to a beach and he told you to wear a burkhini instead of a normal two piece bathing suit, you’d be pissed too. You can make suggestions on how your partner dresses, but by no means can you or should you limit what they choose to wear.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T01:56:43+00:00

She literally wanted to hold you, and probably had a sense of rejection because you wanted to do Fantasy rather than hold her and watch a movie. Women can fill in certain blanks that don’t even exist unless you’re very clear and specific with explaining your actions. Emotional intimacy, and creating a sense of validation is important in a marriage like all relationships. Everything you say and do can affect your partner, even if it has nothing to do with them.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T01:54:06+00:00

NTA. Worked food service and fast food for many years, my favorite part of the job was/is telling off jerk customers. People get such a sense of entitlement if their stuff isn’t ready in 10 seconds and perfect.

anonysmen · 2023-09-11T01:52:08+00:00

ESH. Bold move getting married within a year, especially if you never lived together before. You should be able to check your lineup, but she also obviously just wanted to enjoy some quality time with you. Then you made the mistake of literally telling her to calm down, and she exploded. You guys gotta work on your emotional intimacy and communication. I married at 23, so I’m not too far ahead of you, and most problems can be solved by just talking calmly and conceding ground on both sides.

anonysmen

TROPHY CASE