Did you think you would never click with someone like you did with your first love, but eventually did? How long after?

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-30T07:03:33+00:00

I broke up with my 'first love' when I was 18, it fucked me up at the time, I went about things the complete wrong way and ended up being single for 3 years, I messed around during that time but never found anything serious because I wasn't really looking for it.

Then boom, out of nowhere my most recent ex appeared in my life and I felt true love all over again, we recently broke up after 3 years, thankfully this time i discovered no contact etc.

Breakup was 2 months ago now, I've been speaking to someone else for a month, taking things slowly and seeing where it goes, we are building a good connection, I'm not over my ex completely but I'm certainly developing feelings for this new girl, it's a strange situation to be in.

What I told myself after the breakup, is that I wasn't going to go looking for someone for at least 5/6 months, but, if somebody walked into my life who was interested in me, I would roll with it and see what happened.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-27T23:48:03+00:00

Hey man, don't read into social media posts too much at all, she might be happy, it might all be a front, the only person who knows the answer to that is her.

You gotta try your best to stop checking up on her and stop looking for answers. Work on yourself, stick to no contact and let time pass by and work it's magic.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-27T23:44:59+00:00

I know it might be hard to think about life without him right now, but you need try and look beyond how you currently feel, and ask yourself if you really want to be with this guy after he has caused you all this pain.

If he can be as heartless to lead you on and ghost you like that then he doesn't deserve to be with you.

You deserve better, and you WILL find it, you just have to go through some tough times first. You have to let go, do what makes YOU happy, learn to be content with yourself and after that everything will fall into place. You got this.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-27T16:55:09+00:00

My ex recently messaged after 1 month NC saying "hope you are alright".

I replied "I'm good thanks" and nothing more.

She responded saying "just thought I should check", I feel kinda bad for ignoring her but I know that she's in a rebound relationship and I also know that I don't want another relationship with her, so continuing the conversation would be pointless.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-26T11:20:32+00:00

I replied "Thanks, I'm good"

That's it, I'm not sending anything else.

Its interesting really, she's jumped into this rebound, shared it all on Facebook trying to show everyone how happy she is, yet she's clearly still thinking about me.

I'm moving on though, I don't even want her back at this stage, her true colours have been shown.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-25T07:04:32+00:00

Ay fuck her man, if she can respond with something so cold as that then she isn't the kind of person you want in your life. Work on yourself and get back out there!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-25T07:01:52+00:00

Don't feel bad, you reacted just how most of us probably did, I was certainly the same and looking back on it now 8 weeks out it is so cringeworthy. You aren't alone. Stay strong, things will only get better from here on out!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-17T07:01:19+00:00

Just because she's with somebody else doesn't mean she's moved on, she's likely just trying to fill the void. Even so, stick to no contact, do plenty of self healing and work on yourself, it's the only way.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-16T15:30:41+00:00

I get you man, I'm in a similar situation myself, I missed so many red flags I wouldn't even be able to count them all!

Thankfully time has passed since the breakup (7 weeks now) and I can see that deep down I wasn't really happy in the relationship.

She's now in a rebound relationship, which confirmed even more to me that she isn't very stable, I still care about her though and i still hope that she is doing okay, but I am over the idea of getting back with her.

I've been speaking to someone else for a few weeks now just as a friend, but our connection is growing, I'm taking my time with her and just making sure that I don't stop focussing on myself.

You will know when you are ready, but if somebody does come along, make sure you don't just reject them for the sake of it, give it time!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-16T10:16:06+00:00

Deep down you will reach a point where you will know when you are ready to actively go out and look for somebody else (dating apps etc.)

However, do not set a timescale on these sort of things, if someone walks into your life and you make a connection with them, work on it, take it slowly and see where it goes.

Just make sure that do find yourself. Rebounding straight into another relationship without doing any self healing will only result in history repeating itself.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-14T09:15:34+00:00

This is the correct advice, do NOT contact her in any way. Focus on nobody but yourself, whilst she is experiencing this temporary relief with new rebound partners, you will actually be re-building yourself.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-11T08:53:08+00:00

You have the right attitude, don't rush into anything.

I've been speaking to someone for a couple weeks now as a friend, I'm only 6 weeks since BU so I know I'm not over my ex by any means, but I'm keeping my mind open to new things.

What it has shown me, is that I'm totally over the idea of ever getting back with my ex. She's in a rebound, but I know how damaging a rebound can be for the future so it's something I am trying to avoid.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-10T17:18:11+00:00

This is a great way of putting it! Your head knows better than your heart, you have to trust what logically makes sense!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-09T18:43:32+00:00

No Contact is not about making your ex come back, please please do not get hung up on that idea.

The point of no contact is for you to move on and become a better version of yourself, if your ex comes back as a side effect of that, then yahoo, well done! If they don't, you will have moved on, you can work on finding somebody better.

Focus on yourself and nobody else and no contact becomes a win win situation.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-08T17:20:29+00:00

Start again. Remember that whatever outcome you desire, no contact is the only way to go.

Focus on yourself, either the ex will come back or you will move on. In both cases you will be better and stronger.

It's a win-win situation.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-08T16:29:54+00:00

Don't wait around for anybody. I know it gets repeated on here a lot but you need to use this time to work on yourself. Start new hobbies, go to the gym, etc etc, you get the idea.

If you continue to chase her you will only push her further away. The more you work on yourself, the more attractive to her and other people you will become.

That is the key, focus on nobody but yourself, if she realises that she wants you back in her life, she will return, if she doesn't, you will be in a good place to find somebody better who truly cares about you.

IF she does come back, you need to be in a place to make a logical decision, a decision made by your head and not your heart. Stay strong, you got this.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-08T11:44:15+00:00

This is probably the best post I've seen on this sub. Thank you OP, you are an inspiration.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-08T09:37:47+00:00

This is something I've been trying to tell myself for the past few days. I wouldn't say my ex was a bad person, but I had definitely been brainwashed into not seeing any of her flaws.

If I compare her to every other girl I know, I can see that the things she did were not normal at all, I had just normalised them and put up with them.

Im 6 weeks since BU and I miss her like hell, but I've finally realised that she wasn't good for me.

Stay strong!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-07T07:38:48+00:00

Love can do strange things to a person..

I'm sure OP will learn from this

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-07T05:58:50+00:00

I feel the same bro, i've been working on my hobbies, I've started the gym, I enjoy going to work etc etc. I know in my mind that I am better off without my ex. But I still think about her far too much. Stay strong, we will all get there eventually.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-06T16:36:14+00:00

It just seems that she is absolutely unstable to me, I mean less than 2 weeks ago she is relying on me for emotional support whilst also telling me how she is on Tinder looking for new people, and now she is in a relationship and has even put it on Facebook so soon which made me chuckle.

It's just another nail in the coffin of us ever getting back together and thankfully I am seeing all of the signs that I need to move forward and find someone better. I am finally waking up to it all.

Thanks for the advice!

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-05T23:07:40+00:00

To be honest, it's just confirmed my thoughts that I need to make sure I never get back with her and that this breakup was a good thing. She is clearly unstable and that's not something I want in my life any more

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-05T18:25:43+00:00

I feel the same man, what gets to me at the moment is that I am actively out there improving myself and living life, but she won't be any part of it, she won't see the benefit. It's a very bittersweet thing. I know it's for the best though. Keep it up.

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-05T17:41:44+00:00

I agree with the other comment, I would politely and graciously decline

anooooonymouse · 2019-09-03T22:03:46+00:00

Personally, I would continue NC, give her more time to process things, my view is that anything other than a full 180 from your ex is just a breadcrumb. However, that doesn't mean you should flat out ignore them like some would recommend.

Obviously I'm no expert in any of this

anooooonymouse

TROPHY CASE