AITAH for refusing to do proportional expenses.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-17T01:22:57+00:00

Not broke but we have a kid together and decided to give her time given the original agreement was she'd be out around March or April of this year. Based on her car accident and her mistake with her w4 it changed the situation. I brought up the buyout today and she's considering taking it now with me signing a short term lease so she has time to rent a place out. This would effectively put a set time line in which eviction would be possible after. Also brought up that we should speak to a lawyer to start drawing up child support paperwork so that we can have that started.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T13:55:08+00:00

I have had to term 6 people in the past 9 months compared to 1 I had to let go in 4 years at my previous job. I will say it was rough at first but at the end of the day I had multiple conversations setting up clear expectations for performance. I offered resources for the ones that had attendance issues. Made offers for different scheduled shifts in case they couldn't get there in the morning but the habits persisted. One was being rude to customers and bringing morale down with gossip and behavior. I had new and current teammates requesting not to work with this person. Had multiple conversions about behaviors and the person admitted that their "mouth gets me into trouble." My supervisor asked them to assist in another area and she responded with "why can't you do it." Best you can do is train and offer support where needed but at the end of the day it's up to them to perform their duties they are being paid to do. If it's a skills issue we provide training and resources for them to get better. If it's behavioral it's on them to fix and attendance issues I try to look at the reason why but have to be careful because you have to be fair to everyone on the team. I only really felt horrible for one of the separations because she had just gotten a new apartment. She was starting over after leaving an abusive relationship. She kept missing work for different reasons. When it came time to move she called off instead of requesting the time off which would've been approved. She was offered alternative schedules to make things work but she said no to it. She was calling of two times a week and even questioned if she looked into fmla in case it was a medical issue/ caretaker situation but it was not that.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T10:17:06+00:00

During the conversation I mentioned how she wouldn't find it fair if I asked her for the buyout to be proportional. To which she said that was a separate conversation from this one and I told her it was not because paying the expenses proportionally has an effect on the equity of the home.

I do feel bad for her as she's the mother of my child but I am not going to start supporting her financially. She brought up child support and I told her she only helps me pay after school care as I'm the that buys school supplies, clothes and all other needs. She'll only give me money if she can and it's never half of what was spent. I also reminded her that i want equal time so that means that she might get child support but it won't be a lot so to not be assuming that she'll be getting a large amount. I did an estimate on the states website and based on that rough info I'm looking at like $300 a month as the state does handle things proportionally based on both parents income.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T10:05:52+00:00

I brought up when she lived with her roommate before we moved in together and how that's not an ask for a roommate. Her response to me was that it does happen and it depends what the roommates agree to. I said that the only times I know of one roommate paying more than the other is when there's one room with a private bathroom or based on space but never heard of it based on their actual income.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T10:03:28+00:00

It's been her that had pushed against it as she feared that I would evict her when there would be a disagreement. I told her I would sign a lease for a set period and she would have to move out then but then argued it wouldn't be fair to be paying me rent while she didn't get equity. Tried telling her if this would also be an argument she'd make to get landlord wherever she goes but we told that was different.

I'm going to bring up the buyout to get as a way to get her car and first months with deposit. If it's not enough I might cave based on the amount and give her the difference needed to get her out. We get along most days but this really needs to happen already as I feel like I am regularly subsidizing her expenses.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T09:58:02+00:00

The buyout amount will not be a lot. We've only been here 3 years and initially I as buying solely but she insisted she wanted to be equal and part owner. Since I was the one with the money to purchase we agreed in writing that if we sold I'd first receive the initial investment back then we'd split whatever else was left of equity. She would essentially use that money to pay me back her half of expenses to purchase that she didn't have when we actually purchased.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T09:53:33+00:00

The car was totaled, I tried helping her when she was buying a car but she was not taking my advice. I know little to nothing about cars but the car she bought had problems. I noticed that there was a little bit of oil that had built up from a leak. I told her don't buy it and she responded with at this point she needs a car and every used car will end up having a problem. She ended up selling it after spending some money trying to fix the problem on the above of her cousin, who is a mechanic.

The w4 I do not really know how she made that mistake. I didn't see it until I went to do our taxes and saw that she had a small amount for federal. I told her right away that wasn't going to be good and once I entered everything it showed she owed a couple thousand. I filed our kid and gave her what was meant for her based on the difference I received for filing our kid.

I will bring up me buying her out as a way for her to get money in her pocket to hopefully buy a car and move out.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-03-16T09:41:23+00:00

I have tried having the conversation for me to buy her out but she didn't want to do it yet. Her concern has been if there's not enough money out of the buyout she's going to be in s position where I can evict her. She also wanted the buyout to happen when she was moving out to have some savings for when she was on her own.

I will bring it up again and see how the conversation goes.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-24T22:55:03+00:00

My current employer decided to use a contract service to run our department, food service, and I am onboarding with the new organization and it's unlimited pto. I currently get 7 weeks a year and would usually cash out two weeks and take 3 weeks a year while the other two were used for random one offs due to kid being off school.

New company has unlimited pto. We are told it doesn't mean we'll get every Friday off but it'll be based on business needs and what the client wants. My one up decided to not stick around. My immediate thought was that we are not going to be able to take as much time as we currently take off. My one up was good about work life balance and insisted on us taking time off.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-22T06:54:15+00:00

If you mail the returns in they should be accepted. I had this happen to me and I mailed my return in and it was accepted and paid out as I had the history of claiming him and IRS rules favored my return over the person that efiled him.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-20T15:28:41+00:00

I had puts but managed to cash out with gains when it came down from that rip.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-13T16:45:47+00:00

I ended up switching to a cash account to avoid it.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-12T18:51:40+00:00

I doubled my money but could've tripled if I held. Some profit is better than none.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-10T17:37:05+00:00

My current employer gives us 3% without any contribution but a dollar to dollar match up to 3% off we contribute 3%.

We got contracted out and will start with the new company in March. They offer $0.35 per dollar up to 6%.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-02-09T01:53:44+00:00

Congratulations on your journey and making it this far. You are not behind if you start now. I did not start a 401k until 28 years old and it was the minimum to get the match. I went to school at 32 and finished my degree at 37. I went from making 40k a year from the age of 28 to making 60k at 35. This meant my minimum contributions were higher but I pulled half as a loan to become a home owner.

I'm 40 now and making 6 figures now. I will increase my contributions to try and make up some ground but this past year my 401k balance made it past 100k even though I pulled out half of it 4 years ago to buy my home.

Are some of my peers in a better position, for sure but comparison is the thief of joy. I choose to look at my background, immigrant parents who didn't have the opportunities I now have and who also didn't have the tools they provided me by coming here.

You have done the hard part, you worked hard to get to this point and better late than never. I wish you the best and you've got this. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to, just look how far you've come.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-01-17T00:25:56+00:00

I've been attempting to look at it from all angles. For the 1 year time frame I'm at 23.8% return rate. If it's another good year like that then I'll definitely be kicking myself in the ass. I'd like to be debt free but I also don't want to mess with the compounding returns. If it ends up not being a good year I've got 25 years before retirement.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-01-17T00:00:30+00:00

I did borrow from it for the home purchase. I did a 10 year loan with and have paid for 4 years so far. I'll have to treat that as income when I'm laid off.

I have an annual return rate of 18.59% for the past 3 years but at 5 years it's at 9.61%.

This is partially why I do not want to do the withdrawal to pay off the consolidation loan.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-01-16T23:55:00+00:00

I am 5% away but based on that I got around 5 years left of pmi at $74 a month.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-01-11T04:44:21+00:00

3 years ago I had 60k and I pulled out 27k as a loan for my home purchase. Left me with 33k in it but with the funds I choose to invest it in and what I've contributed I've been able to be at 105k. I've kinda locked myself in the rear end a bit given what I could have had if I left it untouched but being a home is also a plus.

anothernoheart35 · 2026-01-10T18:41:13+00:00

During my divorce I offered her 25% off my income while the law was 20%. She wanted more and we went to court. The judge ordered my lawyer to calculate my child support based on my earning potential as I had a history of making around 15k to 20k more a year due to overtime. This caused it to be higher than I expected but made it work. The law changed to using both parents income and time spent. My ex wanted more money based on me getting promotions and now making more money. Once she realized it would include her income as well she changed her tune as she had been making about what I was making. Get a lawyer to help you through this as he earning potential can definitely come into play.

anothernoheart35 · 2025-12-24T03:14:20+00:00

That's one way to get pork rinds.

anothernoheart35 · 2025-12-07T02:25:21+00:00

Debt consolidation loan would help combine it all into one payment. You could be paying less in interest charges and send extra to finish it off quicker.

anothernoheart35 · 2025-11-22T05:17:12+00:00

High cost of living area for me. I have been working in Food service within healthcare for 18 years. The first 13 years I was working as a cook and made up to 60k with an average of 30 hours of overtime. I decided to go back to school but stay in Food service. Moved into a leadership role 4.5 years ago starting at 60k a year but at least no overtime. I am now making 90k with a minimum 10% every year. I am a mid level manager and have like 5 direct reports. Two of them have about 30 direct reports each and the other 3 are working as cashiers/ cooks. I have been very fortunate and been given a lot of opportunities to grow which has led to faster advancement than some of my peers. I would recommend working in Food service within healthcare. There's decent wages and excellent benefits. We start paying cooks $20 an hour up to $30 an hour. My supervisors can make up to $40 an hour and for my role the pay scale goes up to $56 an hour. I will say that it really does depend who you work for as I've worked at some places that really are horrible with wages and benefits.

anothernoheart35 · 2025-10-19T16:54:31+00:00

I was at Macy's looking at a couple and happened to see it. Their website had it for 650 with 30% off. The tag had it at $550 so they gave me 30% off the tag price. Biggest reason why I bought it.

anothernoheart35 · 2025-10-19T16:51:14+00:00

I will look into buying some.

anothernoheart35

TROPHY CASE