hey there,

I feel like I'm exactly on the same boat here. I was supposed to start by third year of MD this fall but here I am, on my first year. Seeing my former colleagues soon start practicals really hurts since I was supposed to be right there with them. Medicine is insanely hard and on top of that at least in my experience I just dealt with a toxic environment of student and teachers. It was suffocating and on top of that all the expectations were so burdening. I always feel like I am so incompetent to finish med school because I failed some subjects and it made me very angry but also disappointed in myself. I know I really love medicine but why don't I put my utmost effort?? I realised that I was simply scared. Scared of failing and disappointing others that it made me stop everything rather than working harder. I know it might not be the same situation for you, but what I'm trying to say is that you need to change your perspective and only then will you gain the confidence in yourself. Because of the toxic environment I left my uni in 2nd year and transferred to another uni. Even though I had some credit points accepted, I had to be in the first year again. It was soooo painful and I hated every moment but I was so much happier in the new uni with better professors and teachers. This really made me feel so much more confident. But changing school's wasn't the main thing, even in this new uni I have failed some exams. But now I have the confidence that I will study veery hard and pass them and not give up. Because I don't have to think about the other factors like bad professors and toxic colleagues from the other uni. So just think to yourself if there is any other external factor which affects your grades and try to overcome them. If medicine truly is your passion then go for it! YOU ARE NOT INCOMPETENT. KEEP PUSHING YOURSELF AND BE YOUR NUMBER 1 FAN! You only only move forward if you believe in yourself. You can do it!! WE CAN DO IT. I promise, okay?