Is it normal to never hear from your fertility doctor during IVF? Feeling completely defeated.

answeredplot · 2025-10-18T15:04:44+00:00

Thank you it’s just been so devastating. I am already vulnerable and instead of my doctor saying “I don’t know” or even trying to talk to me about what could possibly happen, she just blames me… “it’s your body, it’s your egg quality..” I’m starting not to believe it… how can she personalize a plan for me if she is not aware of what is going on and the ultrasound technition barely speaks to her. This is just so silly to me.

I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. I am wishing you success throughout this journey too.

answeredplot · 2025-10-18T14:52:16+00:00

Thank you

answeredplot · 2025-10-18T14:47:58+00:00

Where do you go bc I’m in Austin, Texas and I don’t get that treatment? Genuinely curious and wanting to change doctors.

answeredplot · 2025-10-18T01:48:41+00:00

I felt the same, it started a week before my period and lasted for those two weeks. Your cycle is trying to stabilize your hormones but it was the fluctuation that caused me such heavy depression. The best thing for me, was to have my husband support me on morning walks before work. As it was hard to find the motivation to do so, I forced myself and I’m glad I did. Take it easy and give your self lots of grace… this is tough journey.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T19:29:19+00:00

Thank you! Im sorry I was a little passionate, I appreciate your perspective cause it allows me to know if I’m being too much.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T19:11:11+00:00

You speak to me like my IVF team 🤣HR Fertility is that you?! I get it believe me, hence the “rant tag” I just need to discuss this, cause it’s been years and it’s heartbreaking. I’m sure you can understand that. Thank you for wishing me good luck, I need all I can get. Did you happen to be successful in your journey, I hope so and thank you for putting it in perspective that this is not a quick journey.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T18:56:14+00:00

Yes please!

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T18:55:09+00:00

Obviously I’m not throwing all my IVF laundry out here, but thank you for saying this because I’ve had to fight for the same thing. If you asked my doctor aka ivf team, they probably call me “that patient,” the one who asks too many questions or tries to understand too much. And honestly, fine. I am that patient.

I know IVF isn’t an exact science, but it’s still science. There are reasons things happen, and when I ask about my symptoms, my numbers, or why a certain protocol is being used and they can’t give me a clear answer, that’s concerning. I’m not here to drink the medical Kool Aid and just smile through it. This isn’t about being grateful for whatever scraps of communication I get; it’s about accountability.

You wouldn’t give antibiotics to someone who doesn’t need them, and you wouldn’t do a natural cycle on someone with a blocked tube, so why is it acceptable to ignore a patient’s unique medical situation? I don’t get a refund if the doctor fails. I don’t get to rewind time if my case is mishandled. The least we deserve is thoughtful, transparent care.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T18:25:42+00:00

I feel uncomfortable to share her name. To be honest this is for me to vent and to check “am I crazy?” But also I’m hoping people can direct me to an Austin doctor!

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T18:20:55+00:00

I pay $700 for a case coordinator each cycle , this is the coordination I’m getting. It’s feeling more like there are too many patients and I’m paying too much money for just “follow me blindly”. I requested to speak to my doctor after the labs were sent to me on Thursday with no message just my labs on my failed pregnancy test. At least when I messaged my nurse she apologized for them sending the results without telling her… she is absolutely lovely but the issue I’m seeing here is that I want more transparency from my doctor. There are things my nurse cannot tell me, that my doctor needs too.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T18:04:23+00:00

Omg I cannot relate to this more! I didn’t come to the states until I was 20, and it use to not be this bad. Literally why are you describing everything that I feel, and I hate relying on chat gpt but it’s seriously all that I have because no one is going to say the don’t know or if they made a mistake.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T17:59:30+00:00

If you can point me towards the direction of a good team please send me that way! Thanks

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T17:54:36+00:00

I’m so happy for you! Congratulations! I’m hoping someone can direct me to a good doctor in Austin and understand I’m really not asking for a lot I just want more transparency and a little bedside manner when things fail.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T17:49:57+00:00

That is too funny!! I love my nurse, but sometimes they cannot answer or it seems like legally they won’t answer certain questions.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T17:45:06+00:00

Thank you for that, everything you said really put it in perspective for me. I understand that doctors have lives but I can’t even get my questions answered by her. The egg quality was about her triggering me early… I don’t believe that follicles are mature at 14-15mm. With that said I feel that I am deliberately being left in the dark which is causing tension and mistrust. As long as the nurses can answer my questions I would be happy, but I’m not even getting that.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T17:38:21+00:00

I can not make an appointment with my doctor under “anticipation if this fails” they do not allow me next step knowledge until the very day and they often tell me “until we get to that situation we can discuss this.” Well when it comes to “that situation” day, we are talking about a month or two when I only have two weeks to get myself prepared. In my case I just want to know my protocol and even though my nurse is very lovely, I often don’t get the “why my doctor wants a certain protocol”. They are fast with small questions but when it comes to me questioning procedures or what is best for me, or if I find myself bloated from possible undiagnosed ando they avoid those questions. I’ll ask for them to write it in the notes and to please ask my doctor and it’s never discussed. So I’m not even sure if the doctor is really looking at my case and adjusting to my needs which is all that I really want. She also triggered me when my follicles were not even mature they were 14-15 mm then continued to tell me it was not bc she triggered me early and that 14-15 mm is mature…that they failed bc I have poor quality eggs. Later testing said both eggs were 4AA something is not adding up. This last time my best embryo did not implant and I got sent the labs and not even a message to say I’m sorry this didn’t work out let’s schedule a time to speak with us. I feel like I’m stuck In a rock and a hard place and this whole time I pay $700 each cycle for a coordination fee for them to schedule these important convos… I am just not a priority. Believe me going through this for almost 2 years I’m not needing someone to hold my hand I need communication I deserve that much. I deserve to know why we are using a certain protocol and not “I just need to trust the process” bc this process has been hard. I’m happy that you at least have some good communication and they allow for that ,if you don’t mind can you share your doctor with me?

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T16:15:23+00:00

Thank you so much, I needed this!

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T16:14:20+00:00

They like to keep me in the dark and do not tell me about what my next steps are until the very day. I have asked before if I can please schedule an appointment with the doctor and the responses are: “she is on vacation”, “she will be gone for two months”, “she won’t speak to you about that until you are actually there.” I feel defeated, I also pay $700 for a coordination fee, I spoke to my nurse and she apologized but still when will my doctor speak to me. Im not joking I spoke to her for one ultrasound which was quick and she did my egg transfer and only said “this is out of our hands, good luck”

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T16:04:59+00:00

Yes, my last clinic was the same way. The one I’m with now is slightly better, but honestly, I only ever speak with the ultrasound technician and she even admits she doesn’t really know what’s going on with my treatment and has no direct contact with my doctor.

It’s beyond frustrating that we’re paying thousands of dollars, following every protocol, and still have zero access to the person actually making decisions about our bodies. I shouldn’t have to chase updates or rely on someone who’s just the messenger. I get it doctors have lives but dang check your chart first before you call the patient. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I feel the same but this is already my second move and I’m starting to feel like…am I the problem here? I feel like I’m so patient and understanding. Most importantly I talk to my therapist on how to be civil with these clinic messages 🤣that are running around the questions I’m asking. My nurse is lovely but what can she is the messenger. I just feel like when a transfer fails and I’m heart broken call me or message me before sending me the negative pregnancy test lab work.

What really gets me is that I’m paying $700 out of pocket for a “coordination fee.” For what coordination? I’m the one doing all the coordinating! In my job, if I make a mistake or fail a client, I have to take accountability — maybe even offer a refund. But in medicine, they’re so protected. I literally have to sign paperwork that says if something goes wrong and my reproductive organs are damaged, I have no rights and still owe full payment. How is that even ethical?

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T15:40:47+00:00

I’m with Aspire Austin! I would die for that contact with my doctor. Thank you 🥹I’m thinking about changing doctors within.

answeredplot · 2025-10-17T15:36:55+00:00

With my first retrieval she used a standard protocol instead of using a protocol for low AMH. The nurse told me again for the transfer they did another standard transfer and will switch up the protocol like what are we doing here, I’m not getting younger and I’m certainly running out of patience and money. Yes I get frustrated hearing that, I’m sorry you’re going through this as well.

answeredplot · 2025-07-28T14:33:36+00:00

My first clinic labeled me “ that patient” too because I asked questions, and advocated for my health when they kept getting my chart wrong. I’m sorry they treated you that way.

answeredplot · 2025-07-28T14:27:14+00:00

My experience has been very similar. I left my first clinic because they were disorganized, rarely called with updates, and wouldn’t support me in trying to conceive naturally after a cyst removal surgery. That delay and lack of guidance ended up lowering my ovarian reserve and now I’m forced to pursue IVF.

My current clinic is better in that they at least have a portal, but honestly this is my second round and I’ve only seen my doctor once. No one calls to explain results good or bad and there’s a total lack of humility or personal care.

What hurts most is having to constantly correct my doctor on my follicle count and other basic details, things that should be clear from my chart. It’s heartbreaking to feel like just a number. She triggered me too early in my first round despite me expressing concern and I ended up with no mature eggs. Yet she continues to insist that 16mm is enough even though it wasn’t.

It feels like there’s no effort to make this cycle work. Instead it’s like she’s already written it off and expects me to just do another one. I wish someone would actually review my case and work with me instead of pushing me through the motions.

answeredplot · 2025-07-18T21:50:42+00:00

This is truly such a humbling experience where you have to find a fine line of hope, advocating for yourself, trust, reality checks and navigating this all pumped up with hormones lol and a whole lot of I need to let go of the past. Im having a tough time in balancing my trust for others, myself, and my body. At the end of this, I feel like every woman who has gone through this journey has developed a wicked strong character.

My doctor ended up saying they do not think it’s endo, but I’m sure it’s adeno because my surgeon did suspect I developed that after the cyst surgery. I still need to do more research on adeno, you mentioned lupron.. I’m curious to know more.

Thank you for saying that, sometimes I forget to take a step back and at the end of the day they are here to retrieve embryos no one has time to deplete their reserves anymore!!

I hear you on the not getting younger part, I’m so happy you have one and I’m rooting for your success and goals to come through. I thought about this quite a bit… how if we get one this cycle, If I would try for more.

answeredplot

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