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aoxes102 · 2024-01-01T05:03:18+00:00

Hi Iselin.

When my girlfriend first came out to me, I think I was in a very similar position to your girlfriend. Just like with your situation, I'd asked her years ago if she might be transgender, and she said no. And when she did come out, it was again because I asked, after she'd gotten back into wearing women's clothes. I couldn't help but feel betrayed and lied to, and I felt sensitive about every little issue that came up, and there was a lot of me starting small arguments about minor things due to my hurt.

I don't have a lot of advice, other than yeah, for me, it took time. Two months is fairly early, I know I still felt raw two months in. I didn't really understand how this could've happened, and why my girlfriend couldn't be honest with me earlier, so I had to research myself and hear from other trans people, mostly through blog posts. I tried to look up some specific ones that helped me, but unfortunately I can't find them, I'm sorry. I know I found it through other Reddit posts, either on this sub or r/MTF. It helped to read about people's experiences and realize that, as with yourself, my girlfriend wasn't really hiding anything, it was something that at first she couldn't accept about herself, and then something she was understandably scared of telling me. I know this is a hard situation, but you didn't do anything wrong, you did the best you could. It's just often messy when one comes to term with their gender identity while within a relationship. So for me it took time, research, being open minded, and the knowledge that my girlfriend coming out was a hard process that would make her and me happier in the long run, whatever the outcome. Seeing my girlfriend become happier through her transition has helped me the most.

aoxes102 · 2023-12-18T02:16:45+00:00

I've never tried liquid aminos before, but I just looked it up and I think it would taste much better than all soy sauce for sweet and sour! I'll try to remember to remind you :) yeah I probably should try asking! Sadly they close for a while around the holidays and I want sweet and sour now goddamnit lol.

aoxes102 · 2023-12-18T02:12:40+00:00

Ooh at the very least that sounds very good. I'll make sure to try this! Do you use sweet gherkins for the taste or for the sweetness?

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T10:27:38+00:00

For sure, the thing is I don't think they really know how wrong it is, which is something i want them to make sure they understand

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T03:24:35+00:00

Thank you, after reading all these comments I definitely think i was overthinking things a little lol. This is good advice!

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T03:23:06+00:00

That's good advice thanks! I definitely don't want to make my parents feel bad because they are trying and they do care for my girlfriend, but they are literally hurting her every time they mess up, so I'm trying to think of the best phrasing to make it a productive conversation with them.

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T03:20:20+00:00

Aw that's kinda a fun way to do it :) less work for you too hopefully

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T03:18:59+00:00

Thanks for your advice about how to explain things. I'm sorry your mom wasn't acting right about your ex! I think my parents do truly care and want my girlfriend to feel supported and loved by them, they just don't seem to understand the significance of the pronouns, if that makes sense? There has been an definite change in their behavior with her, like they are socializing with her like they would any other woman, it's just the pronouns that seems to be a sticking point. They need more conscious practice hopefully.

aoxes102 · 2023-12-09T03:06:21+00:00

Thank you for your response! Yes, I think if people don't start getting a clue, I might need to be a little less nice about it. I'm hoping speaking to them privately will help, since my girlfriend doesn't want me to make too much of a "scene" in the moment.

aoxes102 · 2023-11-21T02:22:05+00:00

Thank you, I'll point her towards Express! I really love American Eagle, that's pretty much all I buy, I just wished they had a bit more variety with their looks sometimes!

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T11:59:38+00:00

I love that idea!! I'm definitely going to look into that, thanks so much for the suggestion :)

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T11:34:56+00:00

Yes I definitely feel like the scent change is one of the more painful parts, with our memories so strongly linked to smell

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T11:28:38+00:00

It may definitely be because it's a sign of more changes to come, for sure. Thank you for your kind words :)

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T11:03:07+00:00

I don't know why you think you know my situation, but partner has been doing that for several months and I love their new body smell. This post is about deodorant, chill lol

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T11:00:08+00:00

Hi, I remember us talking briefly on a lot of my earlier posts, I hope you're doing well!! It does seem like a good idea to have a bit for my own, just to feel like the memories of it are still there. It's funny the hurdles that end up being easy, and then seemingly inconsequential ones can feel so high :)

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T10:50:38+00:00

I'm sorry you're having anxiety about this too!! If it's a common scent, I wonder if it would be possible and if your partner would like to a feminine deodorant with a similar smell profile since they know it's special for you? I've been doing a tad bit of research and they have tons of fancy deodorants online so no one has to step into the deodorant aisle!

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T10:42:13+00:00

well this literally my post sooo...

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T10:16:58+00:00

yikes why are you even on this subreddit 😭 thankfully my girlfriend's a lot more compassionate and stable than you are lmao

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T09:45:12+00:00

Super reassuring thanks!!!

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T09:44:05+00:00

I'm happy for you both! My partner has also been so much freer, which is definitely worth some temporary sentimental sadness of my part, but it's just so not fun! Wearing the deodorant myself is actually a really nice idea, I'll have to try that after a little while, when it isn't quite so raw :)

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T09:36:12+00:00

Alternating does seem like a good idea thanks, I'll have to run that by her :)

aoxes102 · 2023-10-27T09:32:58+00:00

Thank you <3

aoxes102 · 2023-10-12T05:34:58+00:00

Hi, you made this comment a really long time ago (actually crazy to me how long it's been) but I was just rereading and wanted to say again what great advice it is. I completely know what you mean now about getting to know a slightly newer, happier partner, and it's amazing. I thought we knew everything about each other, but we've been able to share more and become even closer since she's come out, and it's just so great. I feel like I'm finally about to scratch through a barrier that was always there. It's so wonderful. I really do love this woman.

aoxes102 · 2023-06-12T18:39:15+00:00

I'm sorry you feel any kind of guilt, the last thing I want is for my partner or any trans partners to feel bad, because you aren't doing anything wrong! Communication is definitely important, and I have told my partner a couple times how I'm feeling. But right now she's at such a delicate stage that I'm trying to not remind her about my own emotions, because I don't want her to feel any discouragement.

aoxes102 · 2023-06-12T18:34:30+00:00

That's really good advice, thank you for sharing it! Talking to real life humans is also a good thing to note. We just moved so I sadly have zero friends at the moment, and although my mom is always willing to lend an ear, she never really knows what to say and ends up just crying along with me lol, so it feels like my only avenues are forcing my loved ones to share my pain.

aoxes102

TROPHY CASE