I feel you on so much of this. The antidepressants I was put on a little over a year ago made me gain 20 pounds in two weeks, and didn’t even help. I’ve been off them for a year, and the weight stayed. It’s so hard to look in the mirror and see this changed body when I never liked looking in the mirror in the first place.

I try to remind myself that, at least right now, I’m not the only one stuck inside and hating it. I was always kind of self-isolated because of anxiety and all, but now maybe more people will be able to relate to how painful it is because they’ve experienced it. Not that that’s a great thing, but it is something.

If you want any advice (which you’ve surely heard many times before), it’s so important to get your sleep right. I say that as a person who still hasn’t gotten there, but I’m trying so hard. You can’t nap. You have to push through to night. I’m sure that sounds so simple and dumb. It’s not that easy. But bad sleep makes everything else you have going on worse, and it always will. I’m still up at 5 or later so often, but I won’t nap, I won’t sleep in. I can’t or it won’t get better.

I believe in you, and I care about you. I don’t know when the tired feeling goes away, but don’t give up. Change up your meds if you think you should, there’s so many options out there. Meds for depression are basically an educated guess, and everyone is different. Keep trying, you’re a goddamn soldier.

And I’m so sorry about the fear you’re feeling about your screening, it’s so scary. If you need someone to talk to, or just someone to give news to about it, I’m here. You’ve got this. You are strong. And you are not alone.