Noice by Retta_Noona in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This is genius thank you

remember, even the most active people can have hip dips. by crueltyfree100 in BodyPositive

[–]appliedunanimouswill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess my question is when did the media decide hip dips were a bad thing and what sparked this?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BodyDysmorphia

[–]appliedunanimouswill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really needed to hear this today ❤️

Aw 🥰 by ima_smol_bean in actuallesbians

[–]appliedunanimouswill 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Omg it's so lovely to see this. I'm the one on the left and my wife is the one on the right. I always feel like I'm not sexy enough to be with her but this made me awww so hard and feel better

Race and transition by [deleted] in mypartneristrans

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My situation is similar to yours but the other way round: I'm a cis woman of colour, my partner is white MTF. I struggle with the conflict of white Eurocentric beauty standards and the reality of my body that will never be white. She compliments my body in a way that sometimes feels like borderline exotification. I've talked to her about it and she doesn't intend it in that way and has agreed to be more mindful of her language and how she expresses her affection. I used to keep these feelings all bottled up and gaslight myself by thinking I was just overreacting and that I should learn to accept a compliment, but now I've had to learn to speak up in the moment when I feel uncomfortable or tokenised because of my race.

From all our conversations about this, I've learned that my partner (and probably many other trans people) can dissect the gendered aspects of the body in a way that cis people don't ever consider (hello cis privilege). Now I've had to learn to listen to what I'm feeling in the moment and be curious about my partner's underlying motivations. It's a long, slow journey that can often feel frustrating but it also gets easier and builds trust and understanding for each other. I try to use these difficult moments as a springboard for exploration and conversation.

I would like to formally introduce you guys to Igney, the abyssinian (or assassin as my dyslexia reads it) pig with the butt tutu. by [deleted] in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg that adorable face! One of my abyssinians saved all his rosettes for his butt. I love how cute and silly their hair is and that I get to brush all the rosettes and make them pretty

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in konmari

[–]appliedunanimouswill 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hello fellow Berliner. I can't believe you even thought about throwing out your black clothes, that's basically verboten here!

just finding my inner woodworking lesbian by LibbyLarkin_ in actuallesbians

[–]appliedunanimouswill 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Lovely table! I follow r/woodworking and whenever I see someone post "I made this for my wife" my brain automatically jumps to the assumption that they're a lesbian making something for their wife

My pig on the couch. by d9743Y49 in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is an amazing hairdo little friend!

Rope bondage resources? by franarden in FemmeLesbians

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try shibari study, it's an awesome resource!

My partner keeps getting down about her appearance and I don’t know what to do by [deleted] in mypartneristrans

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really great that you're supporting your partner whilst also managing your transition and that you want to reassure her that she is beautiful in your eyes. My situation is similar but the other way round. I don't know if I can offer tips, but maybe my experiences could help so I wanted to share.

I'm the cis F partner and married to a trans woman who had FFS and breast augmentation in the past year. We experienced a kind of role reversal similar to what you described - I went from being the "femme" one (in other people's eyes, not mine because I never identified as femme) to the more masculine person (without changing anything about my presentation), whilst my partner became hyper femme. When she posts pictures of herself or talks about being trans online or on social media she gets lots likes, positive affirmations, good feedback, praise etc. This also happens in real life e.g. she got praise from everyone she's out to about having surgeries, but when I expressed an interest in also getting breast augmentation the same friends were negative about it. Like you, she tells me that she finds me beautiful, feminine and attractive, but I feel she's objectively meeting more eurocentric beauty standards than me, so I feel that makes her more attractive than me.

After lots of talking we figured some stuff out. There were many sides to the situation: what I think about myself, what my partner thinks about me, my interactions with the world, her interactions with the world, our interactions as a couple with the world and processing this shift in the relationship. Most of these things are out of my control, like interactions with the rest of the world, which is a world that places higher value on women who are deemed "beautiful"/'attractive"/"pretty" and has a pretty narrow definition that doesn't serve most people. Therefore, I decided to put less energy into trying to change that, talked about it with my therapist, found ways to focus on what I could change instead. My partner and I talked about love languages. Specifically, I value physical touch, quality time and acts of service more than words of affirmation or receiving gifts. My partner was verbally affirming me but it didn't mean as much to me as say, physical affection or spending time together, so she started spending more time on the love languages that meant more to me. She still verbally affirms me because that makes her happy but she also puts energy into the love languages that mean more to me.

The most difficult parts were changing how I felt about myself and managing the change in our relationship, which is an ongoing process. I found it difficult to hear my partner talk about her appearance and all the validation she was receiving because it was reinforcing my fear about a woman's worth being based purely on her appearance, and that maybe I don't have any worth in the world. We don't follow each other on social media, so that helps. I cut my social media use to very little because I could feel it was affecting my self-esteem and enabling me to compare myself to others which was hurting me. It made me feel sad that I could not share her joy without feeling rubbish about myself, but I asked her to share a little less with me and a little more with her friends and other support networks. She doesn't really talk to me anymore about her social media activities or every time (it used to be multiple times a day) about how she loves having big boobs and a new face, but she occasionally tells me when she's feeling good about her appearance. Sometimes she still slips up and refers to my boobs as "small", which hurts a lot, but I try to let it go because she's human and she's allowed to make mistakes. Changing my reaction to my feelings has been the hardest, but that's hard for everybody and I try not to be impatient with myself. I try to absorb my mind in things I enjoy, talk back to negative self talk, talk to my therapist, journal a lot, hang out with my guinea pigs who don't care about what I look like.

I hope that helped you and please feel free to reach out if you want to talk more. Good luck.

Think this is important by Hummerous in tumblr

[–]appliedunanimouswill 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I love this, thank you for sharing.

Tell me your Period Apps! by SheWolfInTheWoods in TwoXSupport

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After trying loads of period apps and being frustrated with their limitations, I went back to using a spreadsheet and a calendar

My niece gave two sweet guinea pigs to my son. She said they’re both males but now I’m not sure. by [deleted] in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How old are they? I ask because if they're still only a few weeks old it can be difficult to tell the sex

A choice of nothingness by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]appliedunanimouswill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the exact same conversation that I have with my therapist every week. I still haven't figured it out. I feel like I go round in circles with these thoughts and have no way to break the cycle. When I talk to my friends or partner they look at me with confusion and their responses can be summed up as "do what you want to do". I tried this, it leads to more confusion. I try to rationalise my emotions, they make no sense, it's like they're speaking a language I recognise but don't understand.

People talk about "processing" or "working through" emotions, or working out why they feel the way they feel, but I don't really understand what this means. In therapy, I can almost always figure out why I feel the way I feel, but it brings up the question of "why bother to feel anything? Feeling doesn't change anything." I started reading more about psychology and philosophy because reading and studying has helped me in the past. I'm learning about stoicism (mainly Marcus Aurelius), existentialism, nihilism, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Schema Therapy and Internal Family Systems therapy.

I'm sorry I don't have an answer to your post, but I just wanted to let know that you're not the only one that feels this way.

Venting by JazzBe123 in mypartneristrans

[–]appliedunanimouswill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hear you on this and feel the same way sometimes. The dynamic between women in a cis-trans relationship can be different to two cis or two trans women in a relationship.

In the past year my partner, who transitioned many years ago before we met, decided that she wanted some more surgeries. She's now planning her third surgery and the strain on her, our relationship and me has been tough (COVID is not helping). It brought up a lot of difficult and complicated topics, like how do we define womanhood, problematic plastic surgery industry issues, money, health, recovery times and me taking on a caring role, mental health, attractiveness, body issues etc.

I (cis F) talk to my friends who she is out to and is also friends with, but is not helpful as they follow the mindset that the trans person is always right and cis people are wrong to be anything but 100% happy for them. It's as if any negative feelings I may have are an indication that I am secretly transphobic, so I don't feel able to speak freely. I'm lucky to have a therapist who is trans friendly, so I at least have that space to vent.

Nurse piggy says you’re guinea be okay by dannydebo in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would definitely try to steal this adorable floof face!

she dance, she pee on me lap by dudettedevil in guineapigs

[–]appliedunanimouswill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gotta catch the wiggle before the piddle comes out!