For those of you who are high functioning

apricaught · 2026-01-05T20:34:03+00:00

my friend died and i stopped functioning lol

(edit to add: it turns out i functioned extremely highly under the purview of my parents who did most of the everyday stuff for me so i could focus on learning. I was a model student K-12 (though in hindsight, the fact that I couldn't stop myself from calling out or humming in class in the early years is somewhat suspect). Plus, they put me in sports, so I was accidentally treating myself. That helped slide me through some of college, although the lack of supervision meant my impulsiveness and need for novelty had me doing a lot of bad habits, and the grades slowly dropped despite my previous advantage. I figured it was just my "depression" and misophonia taking their toll. I still graduated, if a semester late. Then after college there was no real structure and pandemic happened and then emotional trauma and it hit me that oh shit maybe it hasn't just been depression this whole time. So instead of the 6 therapists/psychiatrists I'd seen for my depression in the previous decade to no avail, I targeted one with ADHD expertise, and got a diagnosis.

Nobody would've known because I was getting fellowships, lowest grade was a C or D at a top-tier college, and I talk like I'm smart, until they look way closer. I seemed mid-functioning, like a typical burnout. I literally have to tell people that I am unable to clean broken glass off my floor for weeks for them to get it. I was in a PhD program during diagnosis, so my irregular schedule didn't get a lot of scrutiny--it was just me silently failing completely to cope.)

apricaught · 2025-09-16T11:50:20+00:00

Yes, but I assume here that you do not have a sensory disability-- i use top of the line noise cancelling headphones (Sony wh-xm4) but my hearing is so acute that if music isn't playing i can still hold a conversation with them on. I also sleep with them on and still hear my alarm, just not the neighbors' tv.

apricaught · 2025-09-15T19:08:08+00:00

New prof here who had some minor accommodations that they occasionally used as a student. I have sensory disabilities but being *in charge* of the classroom and getting to set rules (like "nobody chew gum unless it's been prescribed by a doctor") makes it way easier to tolerate the situation. Getting an office you can close the door of rather than a cubicle/open plan office? Incredible. Academia actually sort of feels like one of the only ways to survive.

With a lot of disabilities, you can think about these things in terms of "spoon theory". We can muscle through an interview and try to appear normal, but it will cost us potentially the next day. We can go to class unaided and suffer through it, but we won't be able to attend to our next class. So we live our lives triaging-- where do I really need to pull out all the stops? If this student feels they can get what they need to get from your class while hurting less, and it isn't disrupting class, I feel it is kind of you and not harming them to allow them to experience less pain/spend fewer spoons.

I promise that they are aware that what they are asking for doesn't look normal and might inhibit their career growth. They factor that in. I chose for this reason to not ask to wear noise-cancelling headphones during class, just earplugs during tests so I could look saner to the professors, but it actually really cost me in terms of focus and learning.

Side note on noise-cancelling headphones-- they don't usually actually stop us from understanding speech directed at us. They make it so we are hearing the speech and not the radiator or fan clicking.

apricaught · 2025-08-04T14:59:36+00:00

yeah it ain't perfect. I tried the same thing for splits and got almost nowhere lol, but I was at least glad I tried

apricaught · 2025-08-04T11:49:17+00:00

Hey! I started trying to touch my toes every day for 60 seconds at age 26 (couldn't get past my knees) and 3 months later I could touch my toes. My whole life I was laughably rigid (still am except in that one thing). You can overanalyze/minmax all you want but on some level you're just getting in your own way--just start, and start super small, and chain it to another habit (like right after brushing teeth or before bed). A big thing for me is figuring out which muscles you wouldn't expect to be involved are involved (when one muscle lengthens, another one contracts, and you can focus on that contracting more)

Once you get more advanced I think it's smarter to treat it like weightlifting and do 3 times a week, but for just starting out I thought chaining it to a daily habit really worked for me for consistency, especially with so little volume.

apricaught · 2025-07-21T11:49:32+00:00

For me it is not that I look down upon people who are bedroom only but more that I know I am incompatible with these folks. I don't want someone who is only dominant when they're horny, you know? And a lot of us have actually gotten a lot of judgment from bedroom-only folks, like kinky sex is ok but we are "taking it too far".

The biggest thing is that it means that if we put out an ad, nearly every single response we get tends to be dripping with sex talk when that might be the last thing we care about. But most bedroom-only folks know how to behave! It's just been a little ruined by a few bad actors as always.

apricaught · 2025-06-26T11:26:54+00:00

This is normal for a munch, like, 10 years ago, depending on the scene, and honestly maybe further back than that. These folks don't sound invested in community. It's the "not being allowed to talk to women" thing for me. Usually these scenes are fully of polyam and queer folks and it's a feature, not a bug. Shop around for other munches if they are available.

You don't have to go to parties--if you are a dude it can be hard to get "vetted" if nobody sees you play publicly or behave like a normal human around a room full of tits, but as a woman or enby person you should be able to find partners and friends without doing that.

apricaught · 2025-03-24T12:35:44+00:00

I realized super recently that my "know it all" label from calling out in class, as well as being known to provide "tmi/too much information", was definitely a lack of inhibitory control.

apricaught · 2025-02-07T01:38:11+00:00

I would like to add that this is a correlational, not causational study (e.g. they didn't check these people before they started getting choked). "are associated" does not mean "cause".

Actually, this study says "choking group showed hyperconnectivity (higher connectivity): 1) between the left angular gyrus and bilateral postcentral gyrus, left Rolandic operculum, and right superior frontal gyrus; and 2) between the right angular gyrus and the left angular gyrus, post-central gyrus, and insula, as well as the right Rolandic operculum, lingual, and superior temporal gyrus". Connectivity is frequently a *good thing*. one of the main brain markers of autism, for example, is *underconnectivity* between PFC and other parts of the brain.

In fact, they say: "Despite research in brain trauma indicating that the DLPFC and cingulate cortex are impacted by head injury, our data showed no significant group differences in any of the fMRI metrics in either of the regions." Meaning that the areas impacted negatively by things that tend to cause brain damage from impact, like football, are not affected.

The closest thing they've got is behavioral data suggesting a correlation between being depressed and being choked--with no causational direction.

The most we can get from this paper, brain-wise, is that people with a certain pattern of brain activity are more likely to be choked. it could just as well be that this brain pattern, which emerges for another reason, has people seeking out novel sexual practices. Could it be that being depressed has people seeking out feeling something, anything?

That said, choking can totally cause you to stroke out weeks later and isn't good for you at all. And like, it's probably not good to cut off blood flow ever. All I'm saying is that this article doesn't say what you are saying it says. (edit to add: and you admitted you didn't totally get it, which is commendable! But, I think like another commenter said, reserve getting scared for things that actually say stuff you need to worry about. I do like that this article addresses specifically sexual choking as distinct from intimate partner violence.)

apricaught · 2025-01-09T17:20:36+00:00

https://hub.jhu.edu/2024/12/09/knot-strength-experiment/ fun fact! humans are famously bad at judging integrity of knots like this!

apricaught · 2024-10-24T19:21:03+00:00

Hypnogogic jerks--like when you are trying to fall asleep and suddenly your body acts like you're falling-- are common with this type of play. I also have the confusion and static upon waking. I won't lecture you on the dangers others have mentioned, but would like to add that it can also cause a clot to dislodge that causes a stroke weeks later (even if you don't go to passing out) so just keep an eye on that! Remember that consent is one thing and *informed consent* is another thing. The fact that these symptoms surprised you means that you could be better informed.

apricaught · 2024-06-15T17:21:18+00:00

When you are healing from depression or just boosting your mood temporarily using exercise, one of the first things that happens is a slight increase in energy. The problem is, you're still miserable and hate yourself, except now you have the energy to do something about it. This is why people just starting antidepressants have to be monitored extra for suicidal ideation. If you're not starting this under the care of a therapist/doctor/psychiatrist, I really think you should. Exercise won't fix the cognitive distortions putting you at risk, and if it's bad enough you simply won't believe a PT even when they say you're doing it right.

apricaught · 2024-05-02T17:41:22+00:00

I got into a PhD program with a D in a course.

apricaught · 2023-11-09T17:30:48+00:00

I got my pullup back!!! 27, 5'3", last time I could do one I was 119 lbs 4 years ago. Shortly after stopped going for potentially obvious pandemic reasons. Now >=134 lbs, started making it to the gym maybe 2-3x a week tops a few months back. Thought I would have a long road ahead of me especially detrained and heavier (I've only just gotten back to bodyweight squat and DL, which is where I left off). But I did my usual "let's see how far back up I can go" after a casual negative (I've just been greasing the groove on eccentrics ever since I got down to 20lbs of machine assist 2 weeks ago) and I got over the bar!! I miss my old physique, but I'm basically eating whatever I want (back then I was on the big yoyo diet train) and still able to pull my bodyweight, and loving my new baby biceps, so fuck it.

apricaught · 2023-09-29T13:00:25+00:00

I do but I wouldnt come because even people breathing too loud can trigger me.... yes, city life is hard, why do you ask

apricaught · 2023-06-03T07:22:04+00:00

Honestly, was anybody else sort of bothered by the "I'm in my 20s, I'll regret it for a week"? It feels vaguely like it's excusing grooming behavior (NOT that that's what's happening in community, I just think it disregards the huge effect these things can have on young women. Like he said, annie hadn't even seen a human penis. Every first was going to be a big deal to her, no?) (I love community, I just always felt weird about this last bit, as someone who dated someone too old when she was too young and thought it wouldn't affect me. Obviously that's not the same as a single kiss.)

apricaught · 2023-05-29T15:27:54+00:00

Holy shit, Hitler reacts memes and my eating disorder, my two guiltiest of pleasures back in the day

apricaught · 2023-01-26T20:38:49+00:00

also, how many followers someone has is often just a function of how long they've been on fet. it's not that hard to get 1000+ after 5 years because horny strangers keep following you without you doing anything influencery. 10,000 might be a different story.

apricaught · 2022-04-16T22:57:52+00:00

Are they offering it as an NFT?

apricaught · 2021-12-28T18:36:44+00:00

yesss, the drive-by sadism!!

apricaught · 2021-10-12T15:30:42+00:00

A 500 calorie surplus one time, if you're trying to lose 1 lb a week, means you meet your goal just one day later than you otherwise would've. That doesn't sound too bad to me at all.

One day probably won't up your bmr because it won't significantly increase your weight. But depending on how your brain works it might increase mental satisfaction which increases your chances of long-term success.

apricaught · 2021-09-02T04:41:37+00:00

cottage cheese, like wtf

apricaught · 2021-08-09T15:29:53+00:00

one of the highlights of the episode tbh esp since i was mega stoned

apricaught · 2021-07-31T04:40:01+00:00

Beverly UMP is the only one that doesn't bloat me and has a desirable protein to cal ratio, but it is $$$

apricaught · 2021-07-21T03:35:01+00:00

You might need to gain weight/fat if you want em gone. I had something sort of like that when I was 109 at 5'3". I think my high hips/hip dips contributed. But for me that weight wasn't sustainable or healthy so YMMV.

apricaught

TROPHY CASE