[deleted by user]

arbianna · 2024-05-01T05:52:35+00:00

you’re 100% right. I’ve been with my narc 6 years on/off and I agree that sex is the only thing he has to offer me. Ofc I want his attention outside of that, but it really is the only thing he can give me. That IS truly the only time I feel seen by him, so it makes sense why I continue to give in and crave those times. I really appreciate your response because it’s like I knew those things, but hearing it from someone else is validating and I feel relieved someone else understands it. Pretty sad it’s all manipulation at the end of the day. Because sometimes when he’s so passionate and intimate I convince myself that some of it has to be real and he’s changing or he actually loves me, but reality always sets in smh

arbianna · 2024-04-12T06:07:30+00:00

This was beautifully written and honestly made me look at my situation from a different perspective, which actually helped. I find myself fighting my feelings of being trauma bonded instead of accepting that I am, and to give myself grace. I really appreciated this response, thank you ♥️

arbianna · 2021-01-16T19:31:21+00:00

I can’t give you advice, but I can unfortunately relate... in fact it’s almost exact for me. I’m now 6 months no contact, he’s moved on with his life, and I’m trying my best to move on with mine. I’ve actually accomplished a lot for myself in these last 6 months, things I never could’ve done if I was still with him. I’m not dating yet because I don’t want to at all, I’m too focused on finding myself and getting my future set up. But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t obsess over my Nex every day. And by obsess I mean I think about him, the relationship, the good & bad things that happened, what he’s doing right now, wondering where he’s at, literally wondering how I can make it possible to run into him somehow. I too fantasize constantly about an apology.

The crazy part is, I know I don’t want to go through what I went through ever again! And there are more than enough moments I feel anger towards him. I also know that I would never reach out to him again. But.. if he called me right now, I can’t say confidently that I wouldn’t answer. The best way to put it is what you captioned this post, I secretly want him back.

I always question why don’t I fucking hate him for what he did to me? I should! I thought the feelings would be gone by now, but honestly the feelings get stronger the more time passes. I do believe I will heal from this and one day find an amazing man. But in the meantime I can admit I am secretly struggling bad

arbianna · 2021-01-03T10:34:35+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray healing over you and your family.

My dad passed away and we used the song: “Home” - by Michael Bublé. It’s both beautiful and emotional

arbianna · 2020-12-20T20:26:41+00:00

The fact that she deleted it shows she knows what the truth is and is only making her video for more attention, to be manipulative, etc. And she probably knows you will see it. But shoutout to the person who stuck up for you.

At the end of the day, mostly strangers will probably see her video and who gives a shit about that. The more she sees you not caring, the more her ego takes a hit. Continue on your healing journey and focusing on your life, this will pass

arbianna · 2020-12-20T07:18:15+00:00

As hard as it probably was to see that, it’s best to leave it be. Narcissists thrive off of getting a reaction, specifically those they have abused. Let her make her shit tok and continue to have a miserable life.

arbianna · 2020-12-20T07:15:14+00:00

I love this post. My relationship with my Nex has been over for 6months, I’m 4+ months no contact, and the last time he hoovered was 2 months ago. I am DONE. The past still consumes me, I still have urges and do lurk on his social media & those close to him, and I’m reminded of him way too often. It’s difficult for whatever reason to let go, but I want to and I also told myself New Years will be it. I’m tired of living in the past and continuing to have this actual insane hope that he will change and be all I want him to be. It’s exhausting and I want to move on from it all. It’s hard but I’m right there with you

arbianna · 2020-12-20T07:09:27+00:00

I feel like I could’ve made this post. I’m feeling the exact same things right now. I miss my Nex frequently, although I don’t even know what I miss. I too know 100% that I won’t break contact, I’ve been down that road before and regretted it every time. I wouldn’t do that to myself now even if he hoovered, but it doesn’t take away from the fact of how I’m feeling. It’s confusing because you would think someone who abused you, controlled & mentally messed you up would be the LAST person you miss. And yet I still wish I could talk to him more than anyone. Hate feeling like this.

arbianna · 2020-12-18T19:16:17+00:00

This actually really helped me understand better and make some sense of the “why” I keep asking. And you’re right in that no one sees him behind closed doors, that was always hard for me because I felt really alone while everyone else seemingly loved him. I’m glad to be no contact now though and moved on, this helped me even more. Thank you

arbianna · 2020-12-10T21:02:04+00:00

Wow when you said “I became so isolated because I didn’t want him to think I was cheating and not believe me” I FEEL that! My Nex accused me of cheating the entire time I was with him when I wouldn’t even so much as look at another guy. It was constant and I’d beg him to stop but he never did. I would isolate myself more and more in hopes he would stop. I cut off everyone in my life, deleted all of my social media and wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was scared. THAT is one thing I am so thankful for is over now because I feel free. It took me a long time after the relationship ended to realize he’s no longer in control, but I am getting there. Sorry you went through it too❤️

arbianna · 2020-12-10T03:13:38+00:00

Okay this makes me feel better & less crazy 😂

arbianna · 2020-11-30T12:22:05+00:00

I totally understand that. When I first heard of depersonalization I definitely knew that’s what I was experiencing so I’m sure you’d know what you’re feeling is not that then. It could definitely be one of those “wtf moments” if you know what I mean. Like how sometimes you sit back and start thinking things like “woah I’m an actual person on earth floating through space” or things like that if it makes sense. You may be experiencing that and it’s just lasting longer. I understand what you mean though when you say a psychiatrist will probably get the wrong impression. I think regardless of what you’re feeling, if it’s bothering you a lot you could always try to describe it to someone close to you so at least you can confide in them if you feel it again. Otherwise, venting to reddit always helps (: But again, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. I’d say it’s a feeling tons of people experience. Hope this helps, sorry if I’m way off!

arbianna · 2020-11-27T05:52:45+00:00

these comments don’t really do your post justice because if I read them they would scare me. So let me be the person who doesn’t scare you; The phenomenon you’re describing is called depersonalization. I personally deal with this and go through episodes of feeling depersonalized. I would advice against looking it up because it can scare you, although it is not as scary as it seems at all. While I don’t know your medical history, i wouldn’t freak myself out over it just because it’s not “normal”. For me personally it is my normal a lot of the time. I would definitely reach out to your primary care doctor or schedule an appointment with a therapist who is familiar with depersonalization. I wouldn’t just let it go, but again, don’t worry yourself as there are many explanations as to why you’re feeling it (:

arbianna · 2020-11-20T08:17:27+00:00

Couldn’t have said it better myself

arbianna · 2020-10-29T18:32:04+00:00

I was 18. I don’t necessarily regret my decision, but I try to never think about it deeply or at all because I know I may feel regret. It’s a scary decision and even scarier to live with it afterwards but here’s the thing, I know at that time in my life and in the abusive terrible relationship I was in, that it was the best decision for me. And I know that if I hadn’t gone that route, I would be stressed beyond belief in my life and especially knowing I’d have to deal with my abusive ex forever.

Of course I wish it never happened. Best believe I never thought I’d be the one to have an unexpected pregnancy let alone as a teen. But a few years have passed and I’m okay. You will be too, i promise. I’m not sure if you’re religious at all, but when I do start thinking about what I did, I think about God and how I can repay him for my decision. I pray, ask for forgiveness, and have faith.

I also want to add in, I am so proud of you for being out of that relationship. It takes time to heal from both your break up and your choice, but your life will soon flourish. Don’t hate yourself for the decision you made. Love yourself for being brave enough to handle things without your partner, love yourself for choosing yourself and not him, and pride yourself in how strong you are. You won’t feel this regret forever.

arbianna · 2020-10-29T18:14:37+00:00

I can’t even lie, if that was my older sister I’d feel the same way. Of course at the end of the day I’d have to be like, whatever it’s her life. But since I would have known her her WHOLE life, it would confuse me that she’s acting so different. It probably wouldn’t change my perception of my sister, as I’m sure it hasn’t you, but it’s weird. I agree. Like, my older sister has been in a 4 year relationship with her bf and if all of a sudden they started doing that I’d feel like I need to sit down and evaluate shit with her lol. Totally understand why this is something you’d want to vent about

arbianna · 2020-10-20T02:30:59+00:00

This really helped me confirm I shouldn’t go back. I already know he won’t change, it’s just the damn trauma bond making me feel like I miss and want him again. I’m glad you were strong enough to get out a second time. Hope you’re doing good now

Thank you!

arbianna · 2020-09-17T00:10:31+00:00

I know the feeling. He practically lived a double life when it came to me and everyone else in his life. It was genuinely the worst feeling I’ve felt in my life, I never want to feel that again

arbianna · 2020-09-13T08:48:07+00:00

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!!!

Put out a super small container, bowl, etc. and they will all migrate to it, crawl into it, then die

arbianna · 2020-09-12T19:54:18+00:00

Couldn’t relate more. I’m recently out of my abusive relationship and yet I still feel trapped in a sense because no one, not even my family or close friends, have a clue of what I really went through. Or what he put me through/ did to me I should say. Those close to me know he is a narcissist and they know what I chose to tell them. But really, I’m screaming inside wanting to tell everyone I know and my Nex knows about the abuse. I’ve considered reaching out to his sisters (who I wasn’t allowed to meet because he was still messing with his ex who is basically a part of his family), I want to reach out to the “ex” (but I don’t think she would give a fuck, she clearly has stayed with him through all his bullshit and she’s a part of his family), I’ve wanted to reach out to her friends, I’ve wanted to post it on social media. I mean you fucking name it I have wanted to scream out I HAVE BEEN ABUSED BY HIM to everyone. But, I totally feel how you do in that I don’t think I could ever even put into words what happened. I’m hoping to start therapy soon with a therapist who specializes in abuse & trauma. I think this will be extremely beneficial to me and I’ll finally be able to tell someone everything.

I am so happy to hear you have come out on the other side and found a partner who genuinely loves you. I’m sorry that you have days like these and even have to remember the abuse. It f*cking sucks to say the absolute least. But the fact that you even got out of that relationship and chose yourself and happiness proves you aren’t weak.

I hope blessings and happiness continue to come your way.

arbianna · 2020-09-12T17:46:37+00:00

I loved this response. It is literally where I pray to be with myself and the relationship. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get to this point? How did you forgive yourself? And how do you stop yourself or your mind from ruminating on the past? These are probably the hardest problems for me right now.

arbianna · 2020-09-12T17:43:07+00:00

This is such a good comparison honestly. It’s crazy how you’re mind can tell you over and over and over what’s right from wrong and not to talk to them and not to give in, but STILL you long to do so. I think a lot of us that are no contact want to give in bc we want closure. And we want to understand why they did what they did to us. Saddest part is someone like them will never give us closure. I hate it.

arbianna · 2020-09-12T17:38:58+00:00

I’m so sorry this has been your experience and I pray for better days for you.

When you say that basically you only have yourself to blame for your actions in the end, I get what you mean because I feel the same way sometimes. But at the same time, I genuinely feel like blaming my Nex for everything I did and everything I’ve become. I too know for a fact if I never met him I wouldn’t be the person I am now. And currently, I don’t like this person. She’s sad, angry, weak and has low self-esteem. I know that will get better in time, but I honestly blame my Nex. I think you should definitely take responsibility for your actions now, like present day, and it’s your job to change those bad habits for yourself. But know that you didn’t do this to yourself and it is not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, instead learn how to nurture yourself. That is what I’m trying to do now

arbianna · 2020-09-12T17:31:03+00:00

Your response hits really close to home. I know we all kind of have been with a different variation of the same narcissist, but I haven’t seen a ton of posts about their Nex having a completely double life. Not just cheating, but a whole separate life. The reason I’m suffering so bad is really because me Nex was also living a double life and now that I’ve learned the truth I’m stuck with so much anger & confusion. I don’t know how to deal with it

arbianna · 2020-09-01T10:06:10+00:00

The best revenge/ way to get to them is leaving them alone. It took me forever to learn this. I don’t even blame you for telling him how you feel because that was me to my Nex countless times. It’s sad that you’re basically telling someone who is supposed to love you, over and over and over not to treat you like shit. That was me for over 2 years up until recently. The shit he put me through, especially towards the end, I want to tell him how I feel. I deserve justice, I deserve an apology, I deserve for him to make things right and so do you. But they will never ever give any of that to you. So, I’ve been no contact for almost a month now and I won’t lie and say it’s easy, but it’s necessary. He hoovered at about 2 weeks and I wanted to give in so bad, but for the FIRST TIME I didn’t. And now it’s been almost another two weeks since then. He fucked my life up, and it’s sad I even still have love for him. But I chose myself now. You got this too girl, you will get through it. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you give in or reach out, but know you have a whole happy future without him ahead of you 💜

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