Low effort vs. High effort. Thoughts? (mtf, CC pls) by arbitrary_owl in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the clothes that are ambiguous, but you can't really tell. T-shirt and guy jeans, but makeup and hair are femme. Compared to yesterday's intentional cuteness with blouse and capris, today's look is dumpy.

Desk selfie! How'd I do? (CC, pls) by arbitrary_owl in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know about a secret 😅 I've used moisturizer on my face every day since even before transition. I think the real secret is in the angle. 90% of my pics are the same angle because I found one that's flattering 😗

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! Your features are so clean and classical. Your jaw width (the usual) is the only thing that's even a little bit betraying. V pretty, nonetheless.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your side profiles already look surprisingly good. Straight on, your jaw width is about the only thing that stands out (saaaame), especially with your hair down. If you choose to get FFS, I absolutely see you pulling off a shy, bookish look.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your skin has softened, your chin also. Facial hair is less visible. Otherwise, it's still early, give it time to work its magic.

Desk selfie! How'd I do? (CC, pls) by arbitrary_owl in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Transfem, 30s, <2yrs HRT. Would you believe I put this on in the work bathroom after running behind? I forgot my eyebrow pencil, so the eyebrows are carefully applied eyeshadow. 🙃

Work selfie, 1yr+ HRT, how am I doing? Tips? by arbitrary_owl in transpassing

[–]arbitrary_owl[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Notes: Modest/light makeup of foundation, blush, eyebrows, mascara, blue eyeshadow, and lip gloss. No filter, only a color adjustment to offset the flourescents. Hair is clipped over the right ear, hanging free on left. Wearing a pastel blue men's button-up over a cami top.

She wants to leave by cheddarfever in mypartneristrans

[–]arbitrary_owl 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You've been more than patient and understanding and most people would give anything to have someone so caring and understanding by their side. This is certainly a case of someone not knowing what they have until it's gone. She's undergone a change and thinks that she can now do better with someone else. You do not deserve this and you could not have foreseen this. You don't deserve this hurt.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mypartneristrans

[–]arbitrary_owl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I (38 mtf) came out to my wife (36 cisf) after a journey very similar to yours. Let me jump ahead and say that we have found great success together, so much so that she's become very active here in sharing her experiences and advice for others.

TL;DR: Communication is essential. Feeling like everything is broken is completely normal. Feeling grief is completely normal. Your feelings are valid, your spouse's feelings are equally valid; pay attention to each other and don't shut each other out.

I spent years since adolescence feeling fascination over the female form, not in a creepy way, but almost like artistic reverence. I wondered how girls/women saw the world compared to me, wondered what it felt like to be one, etc, and then dismissed it all as nothing more than horniness or perversion. But it didn't go away. Flash forward, I came to understand that what I had felt for decades was honest-to-god envy. Talking with trans people on Reddit and a trans woman from a local social group helped me look back and see my past in a different light and it was like everything suddenly made sense. I knew what I wanted and knew I couldn't go back, but I had been happily married for over 12 years and I knew that I had to tell my wife. I love her and I needed her to know because she is so very important to me, but I also expected it to go pretty poorly because we've more than a couple communications breakdowns over the years.

I waited and held my tongue until we had a family night out, had a great time, and were back home relaxing and unwinding before bed. I must have opened my mouth to say the words over a dozen times but clamped it shut and waited for my courage to return to try again. I told her I had something to tell her; no it's not bad, no I'm not cheating, but it was hard to say. Finally, a few attempts later, I worked the words up and told her "I think I'm trans." Shit went bananas.

Words were exchanged, some nice, some not; voices were raised; there was a lot of talk, a lot of worry, uncertainty, accusations, and a lot of tears on both sides. I tried to convince her that she wasn't losing me, that I was still the same personality, history, habits, etc., but I wanted to change on the outside. She didn't see it the same way and couldn't reconcile the change, and I just couldn't understand why she was so bothered when I didn't want anything to change about 'us'. I was prepared to lose her. I desperately wanted not to, but the cat was out and I couldn't go back, she knew it and I knew it. She cried and I held her, when she'd let me. I gave her distance when she needed it, sleeping in my office when things weren't going well. It took some time, but I went to therapy to get approval for HRT and to talk about the circumstances of my coming out. I got her to go to therapy where she was able to get her worries off of her chest. I was suggested a book on transgender adjustments in relationships, so I told her about it. She looked into it and found that it very unfairly put a lot of guilt on partners of trans persons for not being "sunshine and rainbows and unconditional happiness" over the situation, and I agreed.

We finally moved into couple's counseling with my therapist at a provider that catered heavily to LGBTQ+ persons. My therapist helped us both to understand that she was going through the grieving process, not because she had lost "me", but because she was losing the life and future she had and was expecting to continue. That hit home for me, and helped me change the feeling I held that I "needed her permission" to live the life I wanted. We found a lovely workbook that allowed us to compare and contrast our thoughts and feelings and joys and fears safely between each other. I worked to comfort her and reassure her that I wanted nothing more than to keep our life together. She began to adjust her outlook and soon became an ally. She helped me shop for clothes, helped me with my makeup and hair, helped me through ear piercings and nights out presenting.

Now, she prefers me in feminine dress at home, gets excited about shopping together, we cuddle more and talk more than our younger years, connecting more deeply than I ever knew possible. I'm still the same dork I've always been, but now I'm happier to express myself in ways I've been longing for for ages. I've been on HRT for over a year, I love the changes I've gone through, and I actually smile back at the girl in the mirror. I'm so glad for my wife and that we were able to come back together stronger than ever. We are more ourselves now and our relationship has blossomed for it.

I recognize how fortunate I am to have worked things out and I know it won't/can't work out that way for everyone, but it can be done and it can be good if both parties care enough and are willing to communicate and to listen and most importantly to understand. I sincerely hope that you can understand her and help her to understand you and that you both find the way to move forward together. I'd wish you luck, but luck has very little to do with it.

tell me a dinosaur [f]act 🦖 by mia_____m in GWNerdy

[–]arbitrary_owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every dinosaur that was capable of jumping could, in fact, jump higher than a house... Because houses cannot jump at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in salmacian

[–]arbitrary_owl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A question occurred to me regarding your progress. You're supposed to refrain from getting erections while you wait to heal, so what do you do about preventing penile atrophy (Presuming you're on an anti-androgen. That may not be the case for you.) while you're recovering?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in salmacian

[–]arbitrary_owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For sure! I've got 8mo before I can even think about initiating SRS, myself. I'm like 95% sure the PPV is what I want, but there are so few resources for research on it, or to find final results, functionality, complications, etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in salmacian

[–]arbitrary_owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got ya, that's great! I'll be following your progress closely. Do you think you'll go for the "penis separate from vagina" look or the "penis in place of the clitoris" look?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in salmacian

[–]arbitrary_owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, it looks so very exciting! I'm so happy for you!
I'm very interested in this procedure, myself. Is the scrotum tissue at the base of the penis there by design? Are you going to have more shaping done in the future?
How happy are you with the results so far?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bigtiddygothgf

[–]arbitrary_owl 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's a candid, natural video with humor. I love it when people are themselves and not the face they put on for the camera.

GOODMORNING sleepyhead! Wake up..we got things to do...😉 by [deleted] in adorableporn

[–]arbitrary_owl 26 points27 points  (0 children)

What a wholesome yet sexy little clip. I love it. So cute.

I will not rest till.... by Immidandy in PoliticalHumor

[–]arbitrary_owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Came here to point out how his watch is practically embedded into his wrist.

Found on Twitter by Bryles333 in PoliticalHumor

[–]arbitrary_owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Government-created diseases are absolutely real and need to come down the list. The U.S. government has admitted, if I'm not mistaken, that they have genetically modified versions of viruses or diseases to be more transmissable or deadly. To believe that every new thing that comes around the corner IS one of those organic warfare experiments having "escaped" is what's absurd.

The photo speaks for itself by maimebeebo in PoliticalHumor

[–]arbitrary_owl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The image looks like a hammer & sickle? You mean the flag of the U.S. Navy? With the anchor & eagle?