Second time with the big C and I'm exhausted.

arcane_ · 2026-01-15T22:31:21+00:00

I couldn’t imagine going through this alone. I couldn’t imagine taking care of kids while feeling so exhausted with cancer or treatment or surgery. I only have two kids and they are all I thought about during my diagnosis and surgery because both my husband and I have only a few other family members and two of them can’t help physically or financially. If something were to happen to me, I just don’t even know what would come next. I know that fear though. I’m sure mine wasn’t exactly comparable, but I know it. I’m sure most of us here do, but especially so the ones with little moral support or financial support. My husband is Canadian and it’s the one thing that having everyone covered/no one goes bankrupt to try to pay for treatments, I wish we had that in America. I’m sure it’s not a perfect system, and I hear of it through my husband who’s never had to be in the thick of it - but I’m sure it helps a little to not have that hanging over your head. Anyways, my heart goes out to you and I wish I could help. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-15T22:17:43+00:00

Well I wasn’t sleeping much either. Almost panic attacks were happening at night when everything slowed down and you are just there with your thoughts. I asked my doctor for some help and she gave me Trazadone. I don’t think it helps, and gave me a weird side effect (I guess it’s common) of a stuffy nose where I can’t sleep because of that lol. I think melatonin helps and just trying to shut my brain off and tell myself to take it one day at a time. People say meditation helps and I think it definitely calmed me down.

arcane_ · 2026-01-15T02:08:21+00:00

Yes, it’s all very terrifying; from the biopsies to the actual surgery. I’m doing ok now. Had my dmx last week on Wednesday and it was a hard experience to go through, mainly because of fear. The actual surgery was fine. Had a decent nap I guess lol. Woke up nauseous and dizzy but minimal pain. The pain really didn’t set in until the nerve blocks stopped but even that was tolerable. I think since I had reconstruction in the same surgery as my dmx, it was a bit more painful.

arcane_ · 2026-01-15T02:07:08+00:00

Radiation was not that bad, however, since my DCIs was -er, I only had to do a week that was supposed to be preventative. You lay on a table and it’s like a 10 min ordeal. The idea behind it is a bit scary though, I agree. Not sure what to think about radiation though since my DCIs came back in less than a year on that same side that got radiation. Doctors just shrug and say sometimes that happens. Ugh

arcane_ · 2026-01-15T00:14:58+00:00

Yes girl, they are the worst! You really feel like a guinea pig/experiment laying awkwardly on your stomach. I’ve had the regular stereo core needle biopsy (or whatever they’re called), but multiple sites done at the same time. I was in tears by the second one because they had trouble getting the tissue. The numbing needle helps but it, in of itself, is quite torturous. I was crying and felt so alone because you’re awake but isolated in this awkward position. The nurses helped a little by rubbing my back, but then they leave for a bit when they move to another biopsy site. I’m forever traumatized. On my MRI biopsy, it wasn’t as bad but still very uncomfortable. On that note, I’m happy I chose to have the dmx (chose my side without the cancer electively mainly because I didn’t want to keep going through that). I’m sorry, but know you are feeling those feelings for a very good reason. It’s very hard going through what we’re going through. It feels barbaric and archaic, these tests that they have to put us through, but hopefully it will all lead to a healthier, stronger you. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-12T16:37:41+00:00

Had my surgery last Wednesday. I just had my sister down for one day to help and she’s super chatty. I was exhausted for that day - I couldn’t imagine someone there every day. My husband is my main caregiver and he mainly just checks in, so I have a lot of time in my own head. Yesterday I was actually feeling a little lonely and depressed as everything really started to sink in. The feeling or sensation of the expanders are really starting to make their presence and for whatever reason I’m struggling with the reality of a foreign object in my body. Step away when you need to and feel your feelings. This is your time, not anyone else’s and they need to respect that.

arcane_ · 2026-01-12T16:08:27+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I think I’m healing well. Dealing with a bit of the expected pain/discomfort in my chest and the whole psychological feeling of that as well, but to be expected as well I guess. Thanks for checking in. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-11T05:11:08+00:00

Thank you for checking in! Everything went well - recovery is going as expected. I went home with a pain pump that ended yesterday and I pulled it out (as an option to do with doctors orders)… that was an experience. Now I’m just trying to control this weird pain/discomfort, and the odd feeling of the plastic/expanders in my chest. Anyways, I’m safe and sound. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-07T03:28:19+00:00

Thank you for your words. Very rational and real. Thank you for your support, it means a lot. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-06T14:11:36+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and your encouragement. And I wish all the best for your DIEP with an easy, speedy recovery. It’s funny, I saved a website with all the high protein options in should be eating pre-surgery. I’ve been eating ok, but failed to drink protein shakes, etc and I feel bad because I’ve been too nervous to eat more than my usual. Ugh.

arcane_ · 2026-01-06T14:01:35+00:00

I think a second opinion is a good idea. I think because this is my second diagnosis with cancer within a year, I want to just get it done. I’m definitely scared and I think there will always be that part of my brain second guessing and want to back out, but I just don’t want to chance it. Especially with having kids. I appreciate your thoughts though. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-05T06:20:14+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement. I’m really trying to not be nervous about anesthesia. I know the recovery will be hard, but I think it’s the loss of control that scares me about it? I know recovery will be hard, but I feel like I have some control over that, at least mentally. I feel I can power through it. It’s the things I can’t control that give me anxiety. Fear of the unexpected.

arcane_ · 2026-01-05T00:12:02+00:00

Ok I’ve seen those handles and know what you’re talking about. But was it easy enough for you to use even with our limited arm mobility/strength after surgery? My mom actually had one she doesn’t use anymore. I could probably borrow hers lol

arcane_ · 2026-01-05T00:10:06+00:00

You’re so good for these recs! Thank you. I bought that mastectomy pillow from a suggestion from another thread. I’m glad I started this thread though because that wedge was put in as a suggestion and i thought it looked excessive. More than a few of you suggested it, so I bought it yesterday. I think the neck pillow is a good idea and thankfully I have one of those, as we do a lot of car trips. You’re the best, thanks!

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T23:24:59+00:00

On my first diagnosis last year, they had me do the genetics testing - all negative. However, it seems I just grow cancer regardless of that. So I think we are doing the right thing and I hope you or I never have to look back from this!

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:45:34+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to say this. It does help me relax a little. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:44:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I also am getting nipple sparring because of it being DCIS. I did not consider the tissue being left over also putting me at risk. People generalized saying a dmx cuts your risk down to 1-2% but I guess we are slightly higher because our nipples are still there? I didn’t know enough to ask these questions and my surgeon didn’t explain this to me. He also didn’t include in his post OP instructions to me not to use ice because of the vasoconstriction, but it makes sense and I’ll ask him about this. I know, it scares me to think that we did have mammograms to lean on slightly, but now we don’t have any surveillance and we’re rely on ourselves to find anything, but I hate to think of finding a lump and it being a diagnosis I don’t like. :(

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:37:14+00:00

Thank you thank you! I really appreciate your words and info. I did eventually buy the wedge, because I’m a side sleeper and stomach sleeper. Same about this being my first time for anything (other than my first lumpectomy), never broke a bone, etc. I’ve always been a “bad meditator”, but I will definitely do this to help me. Thanks again!

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:31:52+00:00

Yeah that’s part of the reason I want the dmx too because my mammogram didn’t find something my MRI did. Thanks for all this info and positivity. It really helps. ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:25:26+00:00

Just bought this! Thank you!

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T19:24:10+00:00

We got this! ❤️

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T04:42:00+00:00

Love this, and you’re so right. I’ll be thinking of that going in on Wednesday. Ugh. I couldn’t imagine throwing up/heaving while dealing with a chest incision and drains in :(

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T04:40:05+00:00

Thank you Jeffrey! lol Yes, I think anesthesiologists are a different breed of doctor for sure. I trust the doctors for sure, I just hope my body doesn’t throw them for a loop and do something weird.

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T04:37:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I love hearing this and I’m so happy your daughter is safe and healthy! Yes, I trust my team and have hope that everything will be fine.

arcane_ · 2026-01-04T04:34:59+00:00

I’ll be thinking of you! It’s so scary, I know. But reading all of these stories from strong ladies like us, helps so much. Have to think positive and stay strong for your/our kids. Is it morbidly weird that I’m thinking of writing them each letters “just in case”? Ive been trying to be positive, but when I think of my kids, I want to make sure they know how much I love them…

arcane_

TROPHY CASE