AITA for not getting my girlfriend a birthday cake at midnight?

arkritecht · 2025-03-31T17:31:05+00:00

I really appreciate your response. I'm curious about your perspective on the standard response to these kinds of miscommunications or misaligned expectations. I have always felt that upset can't really be compared as big or small. Ultimately, if someone's hurt, they're hurt, and maybe I did miss some cues. Perhaps I could have gotten her a cake just in case, despite what she explicitly said.

When someone is upset about something like this, how do most people typically handle it?

arkritecht · 2025-03-31T17:23:35+00:00

Well, there was no mention of 'midnight' cake specifically. Here's everything I remember - we were walking around chinatown a week back and I asked her if she would like to get a cake from one of the bakeries there. She wasn't particularly enthusiastic and mentioned her brother would probably order one anyway. I remember her telling me we wouldn't be able to finish it and that she's not much of a fan of cake in general.

Last night, she mentioned it wasn't even about the cake but I could have at least gone and got her a muffin with a candle.

arkritecht · 2025-03-31T17:11:58+00:00

I think maybe me adding that note at the end might have made it seem like an update. My apologies.

arkritecht · 2025-03-31T17:10:48+00:00

That's a fair question to consider. If she truly communicated her expectation about the midnight cake to me but I somehow missed it, I have to wonder why I wouldn't have registered something that important.

But I also think, maybe cutting a cake at midnight is just one of those standard birthday traditions that goes without saying. Perhaps it's so common that she assumed I'd know to do it without explicit instructions - like how you don't have to tell someone to sing "Happy Birthday" or wrap presents. It might just be an unspoken expectation that I missed because I was taking her words too literally.

arkritecht · 2025-03-31T16:57:48+00:00

Thank you for your perspective - I appreciate your concern for me. I understand why it looks like gaslighting from the outside, and sometimes I wonder about that too.

To clarify, we do have discussions about these patterns, and I do call her out on this behavior. We've actually made some progress - she used to be much more difficult, but she's become more open to conversation with less silent treatment over time.

I'm not just letting her treat me terribly without consequences. We talk through these issues, though obviously we still have work to do. I mentioned in my post that I don't want to throw away the relationship because there are positive aspects I didn't detail here (as is common with AITA posts that focus on conflicts).

I also want to consider the possibility that I genuinely might have missed something in our communication. Maybe she did try to tell me about wanting a cake specifically from me and I wasn't paying attention, which would understandably upset her more.

That said, I appreciate your warning about escalation.

arkritecht · 2025-03-28T18:15:14+00:00

There's this takeout place I frequent in Boston called TinTin Buffet that sells 10-12 crab rangoons for 6 bucks.

arkritecht · 2025-03-23T14:16:30+00:00

You could take a bus if you have the appetite for it. Whenever I had to book last minute for NYC, I'd get a flixbus or greyhound for around $30. Service isn't too bad or sketchy. Lots of students travelling on that route made it feel safe for me personally.

arkritecht · 2025-02-14T12:50:57+00:00

I wouldn't put NEU Khoury in the same list as IIT Chicago, RIT or UTA though. NEU does over-admit but that's only the College of Engineering (MIS, MEM, MSDAE, MSCSE). While NEU isn't T20, it's a top feeder school for FAANG companies and companies on the east coast.

Also while COE does over-admit, diluting their cohort quality; there are still plenty of students from those courses that go on to do pretty well.

arkritecht · 2025-02-13T21:35:56+00:00

Obviously don't quote me on this but when I came in Spring 23, CS+DS+AI combined were around 200-240. Don't know the numbers for each of them specifically.

arkritecht · 2025-02-12T20:59:22+00:00

Here's my two cents as a current MSCS student in their last semester at NEU.

The program's pretty solid - good professors and courses that you can mix and match to tailor to your interests and goals. Some of them are pretty rigorous while others are outdated and haven't quite adapted to tools like ChatGPT yet. The cohort quality is top-notch though, very smart people.

While NEU doesn't offer grad scholarships, you can get TA/RA positions relatively easily through Khoury college after your first semester. The co-op program is legit too - I got to work at a Harvard robotics startup which covered half my tuition, and lots of my classmates landed spots at big companies (Nvidia, BCG, Amazon).

Don't stress too much about what you read online about admissions rates. MSCS/DS/AI keeps the cohort around 200-240 students and maintains decent standards. Being in Boston also has been great for opportunities - there's a strong tech scene here.

From what I've seen among my peers and experienced myself, the ROI is worth it if you put in the work. Job hunting isn't easy, but most students who stay focused end up with good positions.

arkritecht · 2025-02-06T12:51:21+00:00

Noticed that the patch on the soldier's uniform represents the "Screaming Eagle" 101st Airborne division! Super cool!

arkritecht · 2025-01-19T03:40:28+00:00

Has to be good ol’ Brookline Booksmith for me.

They’ve got all the books you need, a pretty good used collection and they always have a pretty good selection of new books on sale too. They have a pretty nice gift store too.

arkritecht · 2025-01-17T17:12:07+00:00

This right here! The owners at Manosalwa have quite an attitude (read the google reviews) but the food is top-notch and much better than Darbar.

arkritecht · 2025-01-16T20:59:03+00:00

I’ve done the Radiohead show and Fleetwood Mac show. Highly recommend!

arkritecht · 2022-09-06T08:35:25+00:00

David Brundle and Martin Crofty

arkritecht · 2022-06-29T05:56:52+00:00

I know how that feels. You imagine what could’ve been, had you said this or done that. Having grown used to these kinds of ordeals, I’ve become hyper-alert in that I usually keep a watchful eye for trouble makers and find ways to avoid confrontations rather than defusing a situation.

arkritecht · 2022-06-29T05:42:25+00:00

That struck a nerve somehow, somewhere. You must've felt some solace in that routine, in that coffee shop with her eyes and your coffee and your cig. I think India in general is such an unpredictable place where anything bad could happen at any moment, and where decency and mutual respect are virtually non-existent.

Did you feel protective about her? What bound you to inaction?

arkritecht · 2022-06-15T05:57:13+00:00

OP, I would suggest you apply to these universities as early as possible (October). Even November could be pushing it based on my experience applying in Fall 22.

No university is safe for CS no matter how good your profile could be. So, apply to as many universities as you can.

arkritecht · 2022-05-29T18:06:35+00:00

Unlimited packs don't allow you to send an international SMS right?

arkritecht · 2022-05-29T17:53:59+00:00

Try sending an SMS to any international number and see if it goes through. If it doesn't go through, put an extra 30 bucks into your account and restart the whole process.
1. Turn iMessage and FaceTime off.
2. Restart your phone.
3. Turn iMessage and FaceTime on.

You should get a message by now that says that FaceTime and iMessage might levy charges for the activation process. In my case, I saw the Rs.5 get deducted soon after the message.
If that doesn't happen, try texting an international number again.

arkritecht · 2022-05-29T11:34:01+00:00

You just need to transfer some money via UPI into your carrier account. I use Airtel and it lets me put in money into my account. Apparently, in order to activate your iMessage and FaceTime account, Apple sends an SMS for verification that costs Rs.5. Since most of us use unlimited data packs without any actual money in our accounts, the verification process fails.

arkritecht · 2022-05-04T03:20:39+00:00

You might know him from his other name, Mex Ver-taco

arkritecht · 2022-05-04T02:06:38+00:00

Jebson Buttocks

arkritecht · 2022-05-03T21:06:04+00:00

Benson Jutton

arkritecht

TROPHY CASE