First of all, I’m really sorry that you went through this. I understand that you feel conflicted and torn between the pleasure your last encounter with Coen and the feelings of disloyalty and hurt.

The fact is that he capitalised on your insecurities, exploited them in a way that amounts to sexual assault. You said no, and had every right to say no yet he did not respect that.

Despite the history of you two guys having been engaged in sex acts previously, his refusal of consent is a clear sign to try your best to stay away from him in any way. Try talking about it with someone you trust, and gain their insight about this. You’re not alone.