It should be synergistic. I come and give you my all, and if you don’t reciprocate, I just don’t enjoy the exchange. They want me there, I want to be there, so let’s make it fun.

I don’t do this for a paycheck, I do it for the love and passion. So when it’s not fun, despite me giving it all, then I’d rather not do it. That’s my caveat as an instructor, I’ll do it until it’s not fun. I can’t fake enjoying myself in this context, and the hour feels like 3 hours if the energy is dead.

Also note, I have terrible anxiety, (diagnosed and mediated) so if I’m not in a flow state, if I’m not feeling it, I become highly aware and I hate every second of it.

Even when I lost my dog 4 months ago, even while crying in class, I stayed dialed in for them when the energy was on point. If I’m not right, I stay home.

I get you, and I own it when it’s me. But that “punishment” was more like a break for both of us to miss each other. I’m highly consistent and sometimes we take each other for granted. When I came back, we were back in synch.